GirlInterruptedNow wrote:I think the best kind of person I can be with is someone who is not at all BPD and not at all sociopathic. Someone who is an empath and who has a lot of patience and love to give. I am capable of not hurting others, but I need to be able to love people who won't hurt me. It is a process.
If that's what you need to do for yourself then you're right, that is something you have to do. It takes more than a person not hurting you for things to be right for you - you have to feel the relationship is right for you and feel loved too. I'm sure there are people here who will be sad if that means they lose you as a friend, but I'm also sure they'd want you to do whatever it is you need to do.
Jsundave wrote:It's really sad to me this is the case. It also scares me because I feel like I am being ignored by mental health professionals now but i feel like I am wound up and ready to explode; I feel like i would be a danger to myself/others and it is despicable, in my view, that because of this i would be labelled a 'monster' or whatever by society at large.
I don't understand why when I tell mental health professionals this they don't even bat an eyelid. It's like shouldn't this warrant some kind of further assesment or concern. It feels like a timebomb and these people will, in my view, be partly responsible if something happens because I told them.
I relate to some of that - I don't care how people would label me, that side of things would probably make me laugh but I don't fancy losing my freedom. I'm sure people would be partly responsible if anything did go wrong for you, proving that is another thing. I'd be laughing at them if it did happen because I know they have to live with themselves. But even with all that I'd still rather find another way because life lasts longer than that and I'm not here to waste it all on a moment if i can help it.
Jsundave wrote:Maybe it is my responsibility to get treatment for myself if an inept system does not recognise my issues. Rather than than end up dead or in prison.
I think the feelings are exactly the same but the expression of them is much different. From my point of view a lot of my with holding is internal because of shame and attitudes but also it is reflected from those outside. I really get frustrated and upset that, because I am not overdosing left and right or haven't done anything obvious, I am not regarded as any kind of anything. I cannot tell if my psychiatrist doesn't believe me/doesn't know/thinks but won't say or whatever else.. I am really losing my patience with a system that tries to deal with problems for pennies and will only listen when it is so dire and way more expensive to treat.
In the UK it costs £50k/year for an inmate. It costs about £2000/day for inpatient hospital care, surely catching some people early would save money and increase economic contributions.
As far as the system and costs are concerned, of course catching PD before things escalate out of control is a way of saving money, for all PDs not just BPD, but its money spent now to save money in the long run - spend 100k on intensive inpatient treatment for a person now + whatever stepdown and rehabilitation would be needed, and not only will they not rely on the government for far more than that in benefits in the future but they will begin to contribute tax, as well as social capital in the form of using their experience to benefit others.
I'd be prepared to give it a go if they were willing to help me try. I tried on my own, on my own turned out not to be good enough. Either I get help or i find my own way. Slightly different outcomes, maybe neither of them all bad, and maybe they come together at the end, who knows.
Well, responsibility aside I guess its a very simple dillemma:
Do you need help? Are they going to help you? Regardless of responsibility, right or wrong etc, can you recognize you need to get yourself that help and that it may be within your power?
If it is, do whatever you need to do to get it for yourself - even if that means finding ways to work around that communication problem, linked to gender expectations or not. This thread is right about those things not being helpful, but whether the world is right or wrong, the first person you have to help is yourself.
Get PALS/advocacy if you can, get others to help you get it. Bite the bullet and enlist help from people in mental health centres even if they are full of people drooling into their coffee - you don't have to hang around in there if you don't want to, and you're not buying into an identity or a lifestyle you're making use of available help.
Its not about whether its right or wrong or there it is responsibility or not, its just about what is. If you can find a way to ask for what you need, do it, and let whoever is helping you speak out for how your needs are not being met. Sometimes you have to let go of what you need (to not be let down) to be able to get what you need.