Hi Ev, thanks very much for the reply!
If I can ask, when you were looking into the condition did you know there was something up but couldn't find anything that explained why you acted or thought the way you did, then when you found BPD it all just made complete sense, like a light-bulb just went on? That was the weird revelation I had.
The hardest thing for me has been opening up about my problems; I would say I definitely have all of the signs (but some are much more predominant than others). I used to talk to my ex-lass about my feelings (I had no idea BPD existed at this time) and to be honest my ex-girlfriend who was a nurse was actually awesome in dealing with me but I just pushed her away constantly and eventually too far. I would always try to explain I didn't feel okay, was having an off-day (when I was going through a random day of hating her for no real reason) or had this empty feeling inside and wanted to be alone. She used to tell me to see help all the time, but I just told her I was depressed and that was it. Looking back if I had seen help earlier I would have been a better boyfriend and we could still be together, I miss her loads and think she was my one chance at not being alone. The thought of being alone terrifies me, just thinking about it gives me panic attacks.
Haha yeah I read a lot of that thread, it is funny but kinda scary too cause I'm knew to this BPD business and most of the time think "oh God that's me, I've done that"