Alcohol and BPD...

Hi to all...

I've recently been diagnosed with BPD and have found that i've become more and more reliant on alcohol to attempt to control my moods. I already know it probably isn't the best of idea's but it tend's to be the quick and easily accessible fix, admittedly, sometimes making the situ even worse!

What are other people's thought's on alcohol and BPD?

It does make things worse, but many do rely on it. Before I went on my meds, I certainly did. Even now (8 months without a drink), the only times when I really wish I could drink again are not when I'm out with friends and am happy, but when it's just me and I'm hurting like hell and need something, just to take the edge off.

It's a chance to numb us against ourselves, even if only for a short while.

i imagine the majority of pwBPD self-medicate one way or another. it's the escape from the pain of daily life that we are all in search of. my impulsiveness when i'm around it always seems to put me in compromising positions that i later regret. it's a dangerous drug, and unfortunately, it's what i do for a living (i actually SELL wine).

and to JB - you ROCK! congrats on the 8mo sobriety sugar!!

I used to drink so i could be social and just to be around people. It got really bad, health problems, legal problems like you wouldnt believe. Now i just stick to taking my meds. Safer that way. If you dont have meds you got to do what you can, but be safe.
Good job Johnny. 8 months, gets easir.
Me i havent drank in something like 15 years.
And now i dont like to be around drinkers, their change in behavior and mannerisms is obvious after the first drink.

I'm afraid of alcohol.
The good thing for me is that I'm pretty self-aware, so I learned not long ago that going out and drinking could lead to bad things happening if I got too out of control. That didn't stop me, because a week ago, I got drunk with a friend in my basement and I was so gone that I started screaming and freaking out. Needless to say, I am glad I was in my basement and not out at a bar. I could only imagine what would've happened.

Sometimes I use alcohol and such to actually feel rather than relieve. Sometimes I get so numb that the only way I can contact my feelings are if I'm under the influence. It's dangerous because then I sometimes feel too much and I can't handle it.

I have a bottle of wine downstairs. Pretty sure I'll be sharing it with my family rather than my original plan, which was to drink it at home, alone, late at night.

When I drink, several things can happen:

1) My symptoms of BPD and depression are gone, at least until I lose the buzz. Then I crash.
2) I'm super friendly, outgoing, and laid back. Good sense of humor. Not usual for me.
3) I become tired and can sleep peacefully, which never happens.

So, it is really tempting for me to drink most nights. But, I keep it under control--I never drink when I have to work the next day, and when I do, I try not to drink a ton. Not drinking is easy in some ways, though, because my current meds make me sick enough when I don't drink. When I do, it's awful.

I've never been an alcoholic or anything, but not long ago I found myself reaching a point where I was getting a bit worried about how much I was drinking. It was only a small amount compared to most people, but I was drinking it to obliterate my feelings, and that was the problem. That and that my rage gets really badly out of hand if I've had even just a couple of drinks.

I've massively cut back over the last few months- still all or nothing behaviour, but better for me. So yeah, you're normal (for BPD ).

Yes, I think using alcohol to drown out feelings is a coping mechanism. I drink regularly and quite often on my own, to dull the feelings of loneliness and emptiness. It kind of makes things less intense. I also feel its a way to become more social. I am more chatty, approachable and open to others when I drink, but it does get me in situations that are dangerous. Talking to strangers in bars on my own is not particularly safe. Most times, I just end up going home and going straight to bed. I wish I never started it because its now just part of what I do and feel lost without it.

If you've just noticed it happening and are recognising it, thats a good thing. There is still time for you, not to make it a regularly part of your routine. Do you have something you are interested in such as a hobby that you can do to use your time up instead of drinking?

I definitely used alcohol to "cope" and escape from life all throughout last year. it got pretty bad by november/december. I did some stupid things when I was drunk, and after new years I realized I was screwing my life up and I had to actually stop drinking, full on. I've managed to get to a place where I can drink and keep it under control now, limit myself and all that.... and boy do I ever NOT miss the gnarly, pukey, all day long hangovers.

that said, I do think having bpd was a contributing factor to why I felt I needed to get trashed to escape my life, coz bpd makes life crappy lol. it can definitely be a risky road to go down, especially if you know you're starting to do it not just to have fun socially, but to make you feel better. that's when things can get rocky if you don't have good self control. I was entirely self aware as to why I was drinking so much, I even did everything I could to make sure I'd get as drunk as possible as fast as possible all day long whenever I knew I'd be drinking that night. I was very strategic. I recommend taking a step back before or if you notice yourself doing that kind of crap. it's really just kinda ugly.

I don't know that I really use it as a coping mechanism as much as I use it to cure boredom. Of course, it can be a very costly way to kill boredom, but while I'm going through my second adolescence, I think I'm just going to (safely) enjoy the ride.

And 8 months is a LONG time, JB - a big congratulatory hug <3



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