However, people with BPD are MORE than aware of how their often uncontrollable behaviour effects the people around them and it's a truely horrible thing to know what your doing with seemingly no ability to stop it. The feeling's that come with knowing how much I sometimes hurt others is hell.
Can I just ask something though? Does your Hubby feel remorse afterwards and actually realise what he's done?
He doesn't remember, sometimes he really doesn't. He passed out cold. Sometimes he did...but the denial game came into play, so it was all my fault anyways.
He used to feel remorse...but now? I don't think so. He can not apologize. Very rarely. And that really only started when I demanded that he own his actions. Apologize or I would not engage with him at all. He still passes over it all really...will not acknowledge anything. Key points that bother me, he glosses past...and pretends it was never mentioned, or written.
He will not use email to resolve anything, because in past, I would send it back to him, date and time his own words, and he couldn't deny it. So...no , not really.
Remorse and apology aren't of much use when the same thing happens over and over. In the end...it's blah...flat line.
Thanks for asking...you are right...remorse...I don't see that anymore.
He is verbally abusive and he was also and still sometimes is, physically abusive. He can be demonic at times, it's freaky. I am not a fainting flower...when I am hit or shoved or crap...I fight back. It's not pretty.
I can't say what he thinks or feels about those instances, some times...remorse...sort of. I don't know. It's just so unreal. Like who does that to a person? and 30 minutes later, I love you forever.
It just doesn't compute.