Alcohol and BPD...

For most of my working life I've worked with people with drug and alcohol addiction, which as we all know, tends to go hand in hand with poor mental health, kind of ironic considering my current situ but hey, were all human.
Might sound really obvious but what about reducing your alcohol intake REALLY slowly, I mean as in just one shot less a night or something? Rome wasn't built in a day! Little steps in the right direction maybe?

I'm scared of being without alcohol!

I know what you mean, I use alcohol as a crutch and I've also worked with people who are physically unable to get out of bed without it. That's why in my opinion, just one unit a day less is the way to go, even if it takes years, it doesn't matter so long as your taking little steps in the right direction.

atomicuniverse and me...today,

Thank you for your thoughts.

I suppose the reason I post here, pretty simple, want the pwBPD to also know, the partner hurts. When drinking, as with my H, it's out of control. No matter he says otherwise, he loses it. It's very painful to be around.

It's one thing to "know" and another thing to "do" something about the problem. My husband has cut down a great deal, because if he didn't...I wasn't sticking around. When he drinks, I ignore him, leave, whatever it takes. I cannot control his actions. Only he can.

I have many books on BPD...you can imagine I have studied all of them.

I am not here to cause trouble or "Hate on" BPD's. Human, and both sides hurt.

Alcohol? Solves nothing. Destroys much.
Love turns to indifference over time....sad.
I didn't cause it, I can't control it and nothing I can do about it.

When my H picks up the bottle, it all turns into a horror story of dysfunction...something to consider if you are self medicating. It doesn't get better.

Kore i can sympathise with you and what you are going through with your H. My drinking destroyed my relationship, at the time i didnt see it. I knew i drank alot but i didnt see the hurt it was causing. To me nothing was more important than the drink, i drank a home, a partner and a business away...something i have to live with and greatly regret everyday.
I spend my days sober now, yes i still have the occasional slip ups but its taken months for me to realise how bad things actually got and acknowledge that.
I hope for your sake your H can continue to cut down and eventually stop, the pain this toxic stuff causes isnt worth a drop.

Thank you Suppressedemotions.
Takes courage to admit that and do something about it. I respect that. I sincerely wish you continued success in your journey.

Thank you for your post...

I honestly do understand how painful living with somebody with BPD is, especially when excessive drinking is involved, it is painful and extremely demanding for all involved. However, people with BPD are MORE than aware of how their often uncontrollable behaviour effects the people around them and it's a truely horrible thing to know what your doing with seemingly no ability to stop it. The feeling's that come with knowing how much I sometimes hurt others is hell.

Can I just ask something though? Does your Hubby feel remorse afterwards and actually realise what he's done?

However, people with BPD are MORE than aware of how their often uncontrollable behaviour effects the people around them and it's a truely horrible thing to know what your doing with seemingly no ability to stop it. The feeling's that come with knowing how much I sometimes hurt others is hell.

Can I just ask something though? Does your Hubby feel remorse afterwards and actually realise what he's done?

He doesn't remember, sometimes he really doesn't. He passed out cold. Sometimes he did...but the denial game came into play, so it was all my fault anyways.

He used to feel remorse...but now? I don't think so. He can not apologize. Very rarely. And that really only started when I demanded that he own his actions. Apologize or I would not engage with him at all. He still passes over it all really...will not acknowledge anything. Key points that bother me, he glosses past...and pretends it was never mentioned, or written.

He will not use email to resolve anything, because in past, I would send it back to him, date and time his own words, and he couldn't deny it. So...no , not really.

Remorse and apology aren't of much use when the same thing happens over and over. In the end...it's blah...flat line.

Thanks for asking...you are right...remorse...I don't see that anymore.

He is verbally abusive and he was also and still sometimes is, physically abusive. He can be demonic at times, it's freaky. I am not a fainting flower...when I am hit or shoved or crap...I fight back. It's not pretty.

I can't say what he thinks or feels about those instances, some times...remorse...sort of. I don't know. It's just so unreal. Like who does that to a person? and 30 minutes later, I love you forever.

It just doesn't compute.

^ I really do understand how you're feeling! Sorry you're having to go through this. My ex was violent without a drink and more violent with a drink! I hope you manage to resolve it but you do need to make sure you look after yourself first.

I'm not saying drinking is okay! I rely on it but know it's not ideal. One thing I can say though is I have NEVER been violent when I've had a drink. I make sure I suffer and no-one else.

mystic

For Core...

I just wrote you a long and understanding msg and lost it somehow so will post again tomorrow. But basically what I was saying was that violence in any form is not expected to be tolerated. Im BPD but BPD or not, which ever form violence takes... Physical, mental... It isn't something that in my opinion should be expected to be excused for WHATEVER reason!

You obviously love your Hubby very much, he is lucky to have you but it does sound like he has other issue's than BPD and nobody, whatever the reason, should sacrifice their happiness for someone else's.

Kind regards