Our partner

Constantly changing self

Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: lilyfairy

Constantly changing self

Postby Noidea_ » Sat May 19, 2012 3:18 pm

Is this a borderline feature? Never being sure of yourself, always feeling bad and guilty; worse than anyone else.

I have never had a personality, I have always tried to be "right" for others, selling myself cheap. I used to had roles I played, till I got tired of that and just shut myself out of everything; became asocial and totally empty.

Now I'm withdrawn, living in my own escapist world, and can not even connect with anyone. People are not worth it - we are all inherently selfish and evil. Yet I still do not know who I am. I create myself anew every day.
Noidea_
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 279
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 11:20 am
Local time: Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:18 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Constantly changing self

Postby wineaux » Sat May 19, 2012 3:36 pm

yes...mirroring.

http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Mirroring.html

GREAT reference ^^

Dx: PDNOS, ADHD, MDD, ED (recovering)

i'm in your threadz, moddin' your postsImage
User avatar
wineaux
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1920
Joined: Wed Oct 05, 2011 7:14 am
Local time: Mon Sep 22, 2014 6:18 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Constantly changing self

Postby amorphism » Sun May 20, 2012 4:34 am

I can really relate to what you wrote. I'm not really sure who I am, but I know what I'm not, or what I'm against, so in a sense, by negation I've created some weird personality. That's why I'm A-morphism, the being of shapeless, and the denying of structure (as in personality).
amorphism
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Sat May 19, 2012 2:48 am
Local time: Tue Sep 23, 2014 12:18 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Constantly changing self

Postby Caucus » Wed May 30, 2012 6:37 am

That is exactly how I am or at least was until a few days ago. I used to just mirror everyone else and be the good little girl, the nice one. The person that everyone got along with, I would change myself to fit other people's personalities but a couple of days ago I had an anger attack. I went into total ###$ it mode. I have black and white personality changes. I am either good girl or bad girl. Good girl is when I am nice, lovely and mirror everyone else and bad girl is where I just don't give a ###$ about anyone. I'm totally like ###$ it! I've decided I want to merge both sides of these personalities and take the best of both. I don't have to mirror everyone else I can be my own person. I can disagree with others, get angry, say no etc. I don't need to be like everyone else.
Borderline Personality Disorder
PTSD

medications: venlafaxine, clonazepam, clopixol
Caucus
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 168
Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2010 1:00 am
Local time: Tue Sep 23, 2014 12:18 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Constantly changing self

Postby letha » Wed May 30, 2012 9:53 pm

I was just thinking about this today.

I feel like I don't really have a personality... I soak up the personality of other people. Especially men that I like. I realized it because I've been interested in multiple men lately, and some of them work in the same vicinity... and I will change myself based on whichever one I'm around, or was last around.

I change my opinions, my tastes, my behavior, mannerisms, my aspirations... even the way I think is different. I was seeing a guy who is catholic and said to me that I should convert. I thought, if I were with him I probably would... despite my complete lack of religious beliefs!

To some extent I change to be what they want, but it's more... I feel like I become an extension of them. It's strange even to me... I want to be just like them.

And then I lose them, and I don't know who I am.
letha
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 157
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:31 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 22, 2014 6:18 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Constantly changing self

Postby Caucus » Thu May 31, 2012 7:47 am

God I was like that today, there is a guy who likes me and currently we are just ###$ buddies. He comes around for a screw and we are both happy but he likes me as more and I started to think that maybe I do as well. He is into church and I am not into that at all but I thought I would just convert and maybe get him to move in with me. He is a total neat fanatic to the point of obsessive and I'm messy and I thought I really need to change myself and make myself more tidy. It really is pathetic. I've decided I need to just be myself and that is aspects of both good girl and bad girl.
Borderline Personality Disorder
PTSD

medications: venlafaxine, clonazepam, clopixol
Caucus
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 168
Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2010 1:00 am
Local time: Tue Sep 23, 2014 12:18 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: BabyAngelIzobella, biancayagger and 201 guests

cron