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Do YOU lie?

Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

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Re: Do YOU lie?

Postby myfault » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:16 pm

I get in trouble for telling the truth.. All of it.. I have no filter.. :shock:

So if you omit something,
weather you are doing it not to hurt that person, or not to hurt yourself…

You know that old saying…
“if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”

Is omitting in essence lying…

Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.
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Re: Do YOU lie?

Postby flowingtears » Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:21 pm

I try to be honest, but I omit things sometimes.
Also, I will lie about things to keep myself out of trouble, but not just for the sake of lying.

I sometimes lie to my psychologist. Not about events, but about feelings. This is mainly because if I don't remember them or can identify them, I'll make them up.
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Re: Do YOU lie?

Postby Beatrix Kiddo » Wed Mar 07, 2012 9:01 pm

I lie about very trivial things. I think as mentioned earlier, I'm protecting my own 'truth' by doing that. Like if I'm talking to somebody I've never met before I might find myself telling them e.g. I've just arrived from out of town, and I'm an anthropologist. It comes out before I even know it's happening. My husband's told me a few times how unnerving it is to see me come out with a lie like that and seemingly be completely unaware that I'm lying.

I feel a bit ashamed about that, but at the time of telling it feels real to me. Not to try to excuse it, but there must be a reason I lie like that. I just don't know exactly what it is.
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Re: Do YOU lie?

Postby fueledbycoffee » Wed Mar 07, 2012 9:24 pm

I lie regularly, but only about some things. I'll lie and tell someone I'm not angry, or lie and tell them I'm happy when I'm really freaking out. I do it mainly because pity pisses me off (genuine sympathy I relish, but pity is insulting), or because I don't want someone to think that I hate them, even when I do. I'll lie about relapsing, I'll lie about the lighter burns on my arm, I'll lie about anything that makes me seem abnormal. I frequently omit, as well.

I also play up experiences to tell a better story, or to fake my way through a conversation in order to make people like me better, since they feel I can relate in that case.

Unless, that is, I'm speaking to one of about three people that I genuinely trust. With them, I'm brutally honest. I've also made a strong effort of late to be more open and honest in my dealings with regular people. Funny thing, my stories actually seem more interesting to people when I don't fib. My life has been pretty absurd, after all. I think people know, subconsciously, when I'm playing them, and resent it. My stable of friends has expanded quite rapidly since I started actively trying to be real with people.
Oh, gather up the brokenness and bring it to me now
The fragrance of those promises you never dared to vow
The splinters that you carry, the cross you left behind
Come healing of the body, come healing of the mind

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Re: Do YOU lie?

Postby caringfriend » Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:59 pm

Yes, sometimes... But, he worst part about lying is there is the lack of trust with friends afterwards. Lying is definitely a choice! I don't feel good about lying. When I lie, I run the risk of losing my friends due to the lies. When people find out I'm lying, they have no respect for me. :cry:
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Re: Do YOU lie?

Postby désolé » Sun Mar 11, 2012 2:06 am

Northern Light wrote:I used to think I'm a lousy liar. I was always telling the truth and if for fun I tried to tell a lie, I'd get caught because it was so obvious!

But recently I've noticed that I've started adding a lot of little bits to my stories... twisting the truth to make it sound better, sometimes mix the stories, steal parts from other subjects, exaggerate, sometimes add little bits to make them sound more believable.

Sometimes add bits to make it more dramatic.

Sometimes I forget what the truth was so I have to fill in the gaps.

Now I'm not sure if this is something typical for a BPD person. But I don't like it.

Do YOU lie?

I did this a lot up into my early 20's. One day as I was examining my life for what it really was, I realized my life was a lot more interesting than ANYTHING I could make up. You just cant write this stuff, ya know?

I think I lied to cover up many uncomfortable truths. Later I came to terms with them and those same truths make me interesting to others. For example, I grew up very poor. I always made up exotic excuses for why I didnt have nice shoes, clothes, etc. Or why I couldnt go on field trips that costed money. Now, when I tell people I grew up very poor they usually want to know more about it.

One time, I told an ex boyfriend I was a drug addict. Looking back I was probably trying to cover for my crazy behavior. Another time I told the school my father was beating me. He wasnt beating me, but he was so very emotionally abusive. Now I know why I said the things I said. There was a grain of truth in my lies.

The lies (for me) were a way to say what I was afraid to say, or maybe I just didnt have the vocabulary to express those feelings yet. Either way, the underlying message was always the same: "Im hurting really badly" or "I really need a friend right now".
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Re: Do YOU lie?

Postby nam24601 » Sun Mar 11, 2012 4:18 am

When I was a kid I used to lie about everything. Lying was a way of life, not just for me but for everyone I knew. Then one day I got caught in a really big one. I swore to myself that I would stop lying. For years I prided myself on my honesty. I loathed lying and deceit. Until I realized I had been lying to myself all that time...I never really stopped lying, I just tranformed it. I would confess my mistakes but exaggerate the degree of the offense. Instead of lying to protect myself I'd lie to self-incriminate. Instead of trying to make myself look better I'd exaggerate my repulsiveness. Now I'm so terrified of my own motivations and ulterior motives I tend to avoid much contact with people...prob the GAD at work there too, but anyway, yes, I lie. I also tend to be long-winded for fear of being misunderstood.
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