Do YOU lie?

Northern Light wrote:

lilyfairy wrote:I have had 10 counsellors in the space of 8-10 years, and not one of them would honestly believe me when I said I'd never been sexually abused or raped. That really hurt me that they wouldn't believe me and thought I was lying- I had one that brought it up every single session (sometimes 2 sessions a week) for 2 and a half years, and still didn't believe me at the end- that really hurt me and made my issues far worse. So I get really hurt when someone wants to tell me I'm lying about something.

That's awful! Do you know why that is? Their job is to listen out and help with issues caused by traumatic events in the past! How do you know they didnt belive you? Did they actually say that?
That's made me angry!

Wow after reading all these responses I've come to realise that I do tend to exaggerate things to make them more believable because if I didnt, they wouldnt seem like a big deal.
And I also recognise being guilty of TELLING EVERYTHING in order to know I'm not hiding anything.
Very interesting.

-- Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:52 am --

lilyfairy wrote:BTW this topic was also brought up a few weeks ago in regard to how lying IS NOT a trait of BPD.

Is telling everything a trait of BDB?

Yeah, I know why they did that now. My current therapist (who believes me- when he said he did when I told him, I had to go "What! But why do you believe me?!") Apparently because it's because I SH, specifically cutting, which is common in people who've been sexually abused. He saw it as not everyone that's been abused cuts and not everyone that cuts has been abused though, and told me so. Some of those counsellors I only lasted a couple of sessions with because it was just totally pointless. Most of them didn't say that they didn't believe me, but when I said "No" to having been abused I always got this look that said "we'll come back to that" and it kept cropping up in sessions. They kept sliding it into conversation at least once a session in trying to get me to spill the beans. To them there was no other "obvious" reason for my issues other than abuse I wasn't telling them about. The obvious reason was the one I kept talking about but they were totally ignoring- the bullying I was going through at school with my closest friends. I have met some pretty poor excuses for therapists/counsellors sadly. Makes me angry too that they did that too me. It's definitely complicated my issues and I believe partly responsible for some of my PD issues.

I will sometimes spill everything if I feel the person can be somewhat trusted, but I think that's me wanting to be taken care of by someone. Wanting to be saved I guess. I've done it with my current therapist- sort of sussed out whether I felt comfortable and then drew out my written out "history" (I'm really tired of having to relive it endlessly with new therapists), so everything was on the table from the start. It felt really risky, but in this case I just couldn't handle starting again as it would normally go. I gave him the list and said I'm not going to discuss X, Y and Z because I'm over those, but we can do anything else on that list.

So I'm not sure whether telling everything is actually a trait, or whether it's us just wanting to be cared for by someone properly.

I think maybe pwBPD could be prone to lying, because we often see different versions of the truth depending on what mode we are in.

For example, in therapy. If I was in 'punitive parent' mode, and I had been self-harming, I wouldn't tell the therapist. Maybe an hour later, when I have switched, I regret not telling the truth.

Also, as many pwBPD suffer with dissociation, that can cause a lot of confusion about when things happened, or how it happnened. Depends which set of eyes you are looking at the situation with.

Like the TS said, it's exactly the same here at me.
It is sad because many people are smarter than me and see through my little lies. Ashamed to me and my person.
And at always i don't want this (to lie) but my mouth is faster than my brain often.
Not good. Definitely not good.

@Lily82: Very true!!!

Yes and no. I exaggerate all the time. I like getting sympathy so I make everything into something greater than it actually was. I do this because no one cares enough unless I do and I feel invalidated. My mother is a compulsive liar so I have picked up some of her lying as a habit. For example, if she calls and asks if I'm home and I'm at the store, I'll lie and say I'm home. For what purpose? I don't know. It's a natural reaction. At the same time, when I become friends with someone I'll hide my real self and act extremely normal and stable. As the friendship grows, I tell them everything.. WAY more than I should. In turn, I hate them for knowing my whole life and I start devaluing them and the friendship ends. It's a continuous cycle, lying always included.

When I lie about big things, I put immense thought into it and nobody ever finds out. I'm a fast talker and I always have an explanation or excuse.

Then there's times where I want someone to see I'm lying. Its attention seeking and also showing disrespect.

-- Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:57 am --

Yes and no. I exaggerate all the time. I like getting sympathy so I make everything into something greater than it actually was. I do this because no one cares enough unless I do and I feel invalidated. My mother is a compulsive liar so I have picked up some of her lying as a habit. For example, if she calls and asks if I'm home and I'm at the store, I'll lie and say I'm home. For what purpose? I don't know. It's a natural reaction. At the same time, when I become friends with someone I'll hide my real self and act extremely normal and stable. As the friendship grows, I tell them everything.. WAY more than I should. In turn, I hate them for knowing my whole life and I start devaluing them and the friendship ends. It's a continuous cycle, lying always included.

When I lie about big things, I put immense thought into it and nobody ever finds out. I'm a fast talker and I always have an explanation or excuse.

Then there's times where I want someone to see I'm lying. Its attention seeking and also showing disrespect.

I think this is a great topic ----

Do any of you feel that you lie because you're giving the answer that someone else "expects" you to give? Not necessarily the "nice" answer, but one that serves the purpose of giving someone an answer that will satisfy them so that they leave you alone??

I've done that!


AMP

I'm a completely compulsive liar. One of my key traits. I lie about absolutely everything, no matter how irrelevant or meaningful. I don't do it out of spite - I do it to protect my truth and my memories, which are for me the only tangible things I possess. I get caught less than 1/3 of the time... and I get caught a LOT.

It's weird, actually, because at home, I'm being encouraged to not lie - which means I'll instinctively spout some random, irrelevant lie, and literally turn around and say "Sorry, forget that" and tell the truth. I think it's a power thing for me, if I'm brutally honest, it gives me some power over the people in my life.

MissAli - I definitely do that!! You sortof give the "correct" response because it'll shut people up, get them to leave you the hell alone.

I lie to fake sick when I feel like I can't go to work. I also lie to please my parents and when im acting out I do it to be dramatic!

I lie pretty often, only to me its second nature so it doesn't feel like I am doing anything wrong.
I definitely lied to myself for a long time about there being anything wrong with me, I was in such denial that when I finally realized it I couldn't function properly anymore. In school I would lie all the time to get out of going, I loved staying home alone... I'm a pretty convincing sick person after all those years of practise.
I've never been fully honest in therapy either, mind you I think that is more about protecting myself than just lying.

My Father is somewhat of a pathological liar, and it's stupid little things that he lies about and always gets caught in, he is a horrible liar. I think I picked up my tendency to embelish the truth from him.
My Mother, oh my goodness... She HATES liars, and she will tell you "I am not a liar" until she is blue in the face. Only she does lie, maybe she truly believes she isn't but if you tell her she did something (ex. She yells at me for not putting something in the dishwasher, so I tell her that she leaves her crap in the sink all the time too), oh no you are the one who is wrong, because she always cleans up her mess.
I always thought of her as a non, and I don't know much about my own PDs nevermind to look in other people for traits, but the more I think about it I would say she has some narc traits...

Anyway, I got really off-topic :/

I agree about the "being too honest" as well, either I am completely guarded with people and don't give an inch or I'm spouting off things that shock people who think they know me. It's actually kind of funny to see the reaction, I think I just do it to keep them at bay though, show them a bit of the darkness type thing lol

Lily82 wrote:I think maybe pwBPD could be prone to lying, because we often see different versions of the truth depending on what mode we are in.

This one rings true for me.

If the truth is not something I feel a "normal" brain would understand, I lie. (don't want anyone to know my BPD thinking).

I also lie when I just think it's easier.

You know, now that I think about it, I lie an awful lot

Northern Lights,
I do what you mentioned in your first post. I have trouble remembering so I'll fill in the gaps with whatever I want to make the story sound better. I also constantly lie about trivial things that don't matter if I speak the truth or not. Its about upholding and maintaining a superior image.

I've been lying ever since I knew I could get away with it and I can make anyone believe almost anything. People are pretty gullible. I will only do it when I know there is no chance of me being found out though.

Good topic.