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Can Possessiveness be an Issue?

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Can Possessiveness be an Issue?

Postby HazardofLove » Tue Feb 07, 2012 7:00 am

Good day everyone! I hope you are all doing marvelous!!

I have another question as a non about my friend/ex/it's complicated who I highly suspect as BPD. You see, he's extremely possessive.

He gets upset if I don't text him back in what he deems an appropriate time (he's more patient on some days than others)...he's wary of my guy friends...he HATES the fact that I get along very well with his family and am very close with his sister.

Tonight I was conversing with his sister and he knew we were talking. He was furious and essentially admitted that he wanted everyone around him to die because he was forced to "share me." That's the last thing he said. I've had to talk him down twice now from nearly hurting his family and once for nearly killing himself just in the last week or so. Can people with borderline be possessive to the extreme? Or is he just being an extreme controlling person with no regard for what happens to others? The frustrating thing is I have problems with his friends (mostly girls, a few he admits having feelings for), and he insisted he wouldn't stop talking to them; but I can't have friends that are related to him?

I'm scared. I've tried calling several times now, and he won't answer. He hasn't texted in over half an hour. I'm hoping he just fell asleep. I'm really devastated because we've been getting along swimmingly for the last couple of days. Is there any way to talk him down out of this? I'm scared for him and his family......
"I'm not dead, just changing."
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Re: Can Possessiveness be an Issue?

Postby HazardofLove » Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:14 pm

Update: Everyone's fine...he had fallen asleep. He's still upset with me though, which I think is to be expected.

I was tired and upset last night, and I now feel really insensitive for wording things the way I did and just assuming it could be a BPD thing. I'm so sorry if this triggered anyone....I tend to freak out and then make things worse for myself - it's a talent of mine :?

So ignore this message, or tell me if I offended you, or whatever - you can even delete the post. I just worry for him, and this is the best help I've gotten. So thank you for your time, and much love to you!
"I'm not dead, just changing."
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Re: Can Possessiveness be an Issue?

Postby Display » Tue Feb 07, 2012 4:13 pm

Yeah... You might have been a tad unreasonable, there. The time lapse involved sounds like any violent actions would have to have been premeditated, and... premeditated violence isn't exactly something BPDs are known for. Nor premeditation in general, really.
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Re: Can Possessiveness be an Issue?

Postby HazardofLove » Wed Feb 08, 2012 1:39 am

I understand, and thank you for your honesty. I'm just jumpy because once he gave me five minutes to text him and give him one good reason that he would accept that he shouldn't kill his entire family right then. I called him and talked him down, and he was completely fine a few hours later, and lately he's been threatening to kill himself a lot, which I'm starting to realize is probably for my attention. If he really wanted to do it he would just do it, I suppose - not give me the chance to talk him out of it. I think the impulsiveness is there in his overreactions (he wanted to kill his family because his brother added me on facebook), but he never acts out what he says he'll do.

But I do get irritated with the fact that he abhors my relationship with his sister, which is where the possessiveness still comes in. I'm not exactly his to share and lend out when he feels generous. But I suppose I should just understand and work this out with him.

Thank you again!
"I'm not dead, just changing."
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Re: Can Possessiveness be an Issue?

Postby Display » Wed Feb 08, 2012 8:37 am

HazardofLove wrote:I understand, and thank you for your honesty. I'm just jumpy because once he gave me five minutes to text him and give him one good reason that he would accept that he shouldn't kill his entire family right then. I called him and talked him down, and he was completely fine a few hours later, and lately he's been threatening to kill himself a lot, which I'm starting to realize is probably for my attention.

I can't say I know exactly how he feels, but I don't think it's just for attention, either. Personally, when I act that way... Well, sure, I want attention, but that's not all I'm after. Even if I don't come right out and say it, it also means I want to talk about how I'm feeling at that time--I want to be asked why I feel that way.

I guess, in general, I often try to lead people into behaving the way I want instead of just coming out and asking. That seems to be what he's doing there. Also, you're right that if he just wanted to go through with it, he wouldn't talk to you about it. That doesn't mean you can be careless, though. He's likely being more or less honest about his feelings.
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Re: Can Possessiveness be an Issue?

Postby HazardofLove » Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:10 pm

Oh I do understand that what he feels is serious. It's really heartbreaking when he talks about wanting to die. I just mean when he feels like my focus is elsewhere, he uses his suicidal feelings to get me to talk to him. That does make sense though, what you're saying - he's expressing himself somehow, whether he would ever actually do it or not. And he probably does hate his family that much...I just don't think he would ever actually hurt them...but again, he was working to get my attention so I knew how he was feeling. I was also aware enough of the sincerity of his feelings to give him the proper reaction - panic and attempting to calm him down.

I think he does that a lot too. It's probably a matter of me reading between the lines and working at what he's really asking for....which is sometimes tough to get from him, but I can work on it.

Thank you so much. I'm the type of person who is very good at getting in my own way - overreacting and not communicating things properly...I just come off kind of rude, so again, I apologize. Good day to you!
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