excess anger/irritability lately

I can't seem to stop snapping at people lately. anything I say the slightest little thing, even in a text, that came from a place of anything other than perfectly fine, the people important to me are picking up on it and, of course, taking offense/being hurt/etc. why is it so hard for me to just consistently be nice/kind/considerate of the people that mean the most to me? it's like the more I care about them, the ruder I am to them. it makes me feel like such an awful person and I don't want my relationships to crumble just because I can't stop being a bitch. how do I take control of this?

Hi rainbow~

Even though it isn't a CHOICE for any of us to be BPD, we DO have a choice in how we handle it.

I've had to utilize meds in order to get myself in order, so that I can take the extra 5 seconds to respond to someone without biting their heads off. Sometimes we do it to "push" people that we love, to see if they will still stick around. I'm not saying that is YOUR reason for doing so, but it is usually easier to take things out on the ones you love versus someone you don't know very well.

My question to you would be, are you currently in any sort of therapy? This sometimes help get the "nasty honey badger" out so that interactions with others won't be so biting. I know its usually stress and paranoia that cause me to act like a honey badger.

Feel free to PM me if you need anything!

<3

AMP

I'm currently on meds that aren't doing $#%^ all for me and will be switching to something else once I finish up the last of my cipralex.

not in therapy, no. I would love to be but I can't afford it. I'm seeing a counsellor at my university this friday but there's like a month long wait between making an appointment and being fitted in outside of class time. so not exactly consistent or reliable. I've been considering going to a place in town that has a sliding fee scale and finding out how much they charge students living off student loans. I seriously have like no extra money left this semester after allocating funds from my loan for all of my expenses. I have a bpd support group that I go to every other wednesday, going tomorrow, but it's a large talkative group and we never get to cover everything that everyone wants to talk about.