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Where do I even begin?

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Where do I even begin?

Postby sophali » Fri Nov 11, 2011 3:07 am

When I first discovered the concept of borderline, I felt like there was a ray of hope. I knew my feelings weren't just depression, I had a deep need to find "self" and figure out who I was. But that relief is now gone. I am glad to find this forum, because I felt like I was at the end of my rope with no support. I do not have resources for therapy, but have been trying to read as much as I can about DBT and borderline self care.

But where do I begin? I feel like my problems are a big circle - one leads to another. I feel overwhelmed sometimes by the enormity of "solving" it all - I know it's not a math problem to be solved, but I want to start moving torward some form of normalcy.

Do I need to find my core abandonment issue to get started? I keep getting stuck on this - so I get stuck in regretting the past, angry at myself for not being better and worrying over lost friendships and relationships.
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Re: Where do I even begin?

Postby sealion » Fri Nov 11, 2011 8:13 am

Welcome Sophali, I am new here too and also without access for therapy. I know the feeling about wanting to get it "solved" and get to a "normal" place all to well, you are definitely not alone there.

I don't know any advice to give you about how to start. I know where my issues stem from, but I think that you might be on the right track with trying to find yours.
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Re: Where do I even begin?

Postby cboxpalace » Fri Nov 11, 2011 2:07 pm

There's dbt online self help course. I believe it's free. You can try googling or someone will stop by and post the link. I'd do it but I'm on my bb.

There's 4 sections to dbt.. Mindfulness, emotional (something drawing a blank), distress tolerance, and interpersonal relationships.

Mindfulness is the core to dbt. A trypical course in dbt would look like mindfulness (2 wks), emotional (6 wks), mindfulness (2 wks), dis tol (6 wks), mindfulness (2 wks), interpersonal rel (6 wks), mindfulness (2 wks). It's a 6 month course, but a lot of people will stay in for a year to get more familiar with the skills.

Hope this helps
-cbox
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Re: Where do I even begin?

Postby Dancing is forbidden » Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:59 pm

Things begin by seeing a doctor, a psychiatrist and most importantly, by becoming self aware by researching places like these. I think self awareness and understanding is vital to your therapy. As is a common understanding of *I dont want to act like that* or *i dont want to be like that*. I am a recovering bpd without dbt.....but with research and understanding, ive come further than I wouldve via therapy.
Self awareness doesn't reveal my indiscretions, exhaustion does.
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Re: Where do I even begin?

Postby cboxpalace » Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:56 pm

Dancing is forbidden wrote:Things begin by seeing a doctor, a psychiatrist and most importantly, by becoming self aware by researching places like these. I think self awareness and understanding is vital to your therapy. As is a common understanding of *I dont want to act like that* or *i dont want to be like that*. I am a recovering bpd without dbt.....but with research and understanding, ive come further than I wouldve via therapy.


This is WAY more intelligent than what I was going to say. I was gonna say something like "Start at the beginning!" I guess this means I agree with you!
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Re: Where do I even begin?

Postby Dancing is forbidden » Sat Nov 12, 2011 4:04 pm

Awwwww Cbox, you are so hot right now. Lover you shouldve come over!
Self awareness doesn't reveal my indiscretions, exhaustion does.
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Re: Where do I even begin?

Postby sophali » Sat Nov 12, 2011 4:49 pm

Thanks guys! I've had the diagnosis for about five to six years and had seen a doctor. But that's out the question right now. I got a BPD book on Kindle last night which has been very helpful so far. (The BPD survival guide).

I feel intense pressure to "get this solved" because that's the way my mind thinks (always wanting to solve a problem). Not sure if that's a borderline thing. I have small children, a supportive hubby and am living with my folks right now because of financial issues - which is difficult because my mother is driving me insane. I cannot talk to her - she doesn't think anything is wrong. She seems like she is disappointed that I did not become the straight A person in life that I was in high school.

Is it possible to become mindful when your life is not something you want to be mindful about? Reality is so overwhelmingly depressing right now.

Off to read more...
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Re: Where do I even begin?

Postby cboxpalace » Sat Nov 12, 2011 5:01 pm

sophali wrote:Is it possible to become mindful when your life is not something you want to be mindful about? Reality is so overwhelmingly depressing right now.

Off to read more...



this might help!

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/
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Re: Where do I even begin?

Postby sophali » Sun Nov 13, 2011 1:53 am

Kick bootie - thanks!
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Re: Where do I even begin?

Postby jamberrypie » Tue Nov 15, 2011 2:18 am

sophali wrote: I feel intense pressure to "get this solved" because that's the way my mind thinks (always wanting to solve a problem). Not sure if that's a borderline thing. I have small children, a supportive hubby and am living with my folks right now because of financial issues - which is difficult because my mother is driving me insane.


I am a problem solver like that too so I understand what you mean. I first found out my BPD traits about a year and a half ago, and it took several months for me to deal with the shock, depression, fear, and anxiety resulting from that first self-realization that I had it. I gave myself some time to just sit and do nothing about it. Then, after I was more emotionally ready to try to do something about it, I started to research and analyze what my options were. My DH and I are both having some issues with job security right now, so there are some financial issues involved. So, going to see a therapist or enter a DBT counseling program is not in the immediate cards for me right now. Also, with raising 2 very busy kids, there just doesn't seem to be enough time to fit in therapy sessions, even if we were in a more secure financial situation for me to be able to do so. Because of these work and family limitations, I am mostly taking spare moments here and there to read books about BPD, checking online resources (such as this forum) to learn more about it and basically just trying to become more mindful and aware of my actions and reactions to different situations and what causes triggers in me and what types of people cause triggers in me. It can be frustrating at times when I don't see that I have a final resolution to any of my big issues. Because I am a very goal-oriented person, I am trying to take baby steps in dealing with each little BPD-related roadbloack that comes my way, instead of feeling like I have to solve all of my problems at once.
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