I am back and only just got these amazing birthday wishes now.
Thanks so much !!! I wish i had only good news but i have scar a small scar where i had stitches in an impulsive gash on my top left corner of my wrist and many imovane and some benzo overdoses since so i had blood tests to find out results Wednesday to see if my liver and kidneys are okay.
Still angry at myself and obsessed to the point of suicidally depressed, seeking attention through pretty messages and been a stalker which i never did and i knew him since 2007 but since about July/August until now i have been maybe because i am so angry with myself i am angry with him and keep attacking an unresolved issue. I am sure its what makes me die in the end or hope not but i have no true friends left. SOmetimes imovane abuse like 10 and 11 in a night makes me psychotic more then if i was BPD sober so i managed to do some damage a few weekends to that.
I have made my hair a lighter brown, sadly my wisdom extraction left me a bone infection and i have a digestive hernia which is obviously from bulimia and pepsi max.
That is my sad 2 months away.
I hope you're all ok.
-- Mon Nov 28, 2011 8:54 am --
dejamelie wrote:Yea.. I definitely experience this... I idolize and obsess about them and think about them every second of every day... and check heir facebook very hour (at least). I will sometimes know them well, or I will only be an acquaintance of theirs.. Sometimes I'll hate them because they dont show me the same attention I show them... but it's only because I have idolized them to such an extreme degree.
Its very hard for me.. these obsessions. It is certainly a pattern that has shown throughout my past. Currently I am trying to get over someone who I was obsessed with.. she used to be my roommate and we were very close. But this year we don;t seem to be as close and it's making me suicidal.
I have wondered how much of my obsessions are related to BPD. Because I know that idolization etc is.. but I seem to take it a step further with obsession.
this is explains how i am doing someones head in now.... that is true. That is my problem too.
-- Mon Nov 28, 2011 9:02 am --
expressivecreative wrote:I have this issue as well. I think about my ex every single day and its been more than a year since we broke up. After my suicide attempt, he wouldn't talk to me at all, which was like abandoning me all over again. I felt like he was all I had. If somebody really loved you, wouldn't they stand by you if you were sick? I would have stayed with him even though he was a jerk a lot of the time. I hate him because he was so stubborn in refusing to talk to me that he went and got a no contact order at work. Now I'm not allowed to talk to him ever again or I will get fired. All I did was send a few emails - 6 or 7 in 5 months. Just wanted to make things right and say i was sorry. I miss him when I'm depressed. I wish I could just talk to him about what happened.
Love obsession is an addiction.Love makes the pain go away for a little bit. I don't want to stop loving him, otherwise there is no love. And who will ever love me again? I have 3 kids by another man and I'm 37. I'm still pretty and young looking, but for how long? I'm not exactly a catch, although I'm attractive and smart. I'm also crazy yay. I feel like he was my last chance for real love. So, I just sit around waiting for him to come back even though i know he's bad for me and is probably never coming back. I miss having someone to love me, even if it is an illusion. And with him it was - he's a self-centered pr ick. But sometimes he pretended really well and made me happy.
Wish I could stop thinking about him. It's getting better, but it's still there.
Since i cut my wrist and had two stitches two friends never replied and since i made sms contact once each since no reply so yeah and for everyone else they are sick of it and believe i need to help myself first or just ignore it now. I am upset that two friends, one who has a mental illness was going to drive to the hospital when i was being treated in ER weeks ago and i had send not to worry he was at work. He said he could come anyway. We went to school together but not friends since 2009. We are good mates, were he has bipolar and now its thought i am BPD... Team extreme really. Well with high emotional IQ for one another. Anyway i was a bit out of it and somehow lied my way out of emergency saying it was all an accident because i was raging i didn't want to stay and be locked away for who knows how long with a lease to pay and things to do i wanted to go home take a heap of sleeping tablets and sleep all night. When i was leaving a phone call came from the hospital and my friend had phoned the hospital telling them not to let me go i did it to hurt myself and not by accident. I lied again in a mission to get home kind of bad but more a defensive lie i did care for what i was doing but i was raging inside. Mission of self destruct i came home i would have had 11 imovanes within a day or two and some vodka not much vodka left in my cupboard. I had to wait 10 days to have my stitches removed and hid them well from work and my room mate. SInce then, both male friends who knew have not contacted me. I have messaged no reply. Its weird for one especially since i was sick and he has a well understanding of mental illness. I delete his mobile number last night after he didn't reply to my message.
I feel bad but i am so this or that impulsive at the moment.