You KNOW You're BPD When...

When you're like: I love her with all my heart
when a week ago you were like: ###$ no, I'd never talk to her again, that bitch

When you've been ignoring your friend for months because that friend doesn't care about you and always triggers you and you decided you're not gunna stand for being treated like that so you cut them off and ignore their texts for months. Then today they text you saying about old fun times they're thinking about and it makes you smile and you think you've maybe been a bit mean so you start texting back. Then as you're texting they suddenly stop replying and have now not replied for about 20 minutes, and you know they're not busy cause they said to you that they were lay in bed and gunna be home alone all day. So now you just feel disrespected and angry as!!! And you wish you never replied in the first place!!!
And you suspect that the reason they're ignoring you is because they asked you to go over to theirs but you can't today so now they're probably texting someone else instead asking them and can't be bothered with you anymore. Now you're just so annoyed at yourself for replying as you should have known better.

lilyfairy wrote:That's seriously frustrating, yeah.

Can I recommend ticking the little box when you sign in that says "Log me on automatically each visit" and also if I'm typing a long post (or just taking my time with it) I copy and paste into notepad before hitting submit just to make sure.

Sorry I didn't realise anyone had replied to this! I'm still getting to grips with this forum. It actually made me laugh reading it back! Though it wasn't funny at the time. Thank you, I have been doing that ever since! Lol

-- Wed Oct 15, 2014 10:01 am --

amydrake wrote:

star dust wrote:You just sat here for ages writing a really long post about exactly how/what you're feeling right now. You've almost finished it. You feel much better as you're getting towards the end of it then you did when you first started writing it. You feel hopeful people will understand and you're looking forward to the replies. You feel really pleased with yourself. Then all of a sudden the page reloads because you must have pressed something by accident and you discover you're now logged out!!! you scream 'NO!!!' you desperately try to get it back but it's no use. You punch you're keyboard and growl because you just know that you're cursed and you should have known that you couldn't write a long post and it actually work out for you. You can't even do something as simple as start a topic on a forum. That's how great everything works out for you in life! You now decide that everything is SH*T again. and that there's no point in trying literally anything, ever. Because in the end everything is just going to turn out badly for you. You think maybe this post you're writing right now won't even work.
It wouldn't even surprise you.

Ok that just happened to me I CAN'T EVEN.

I'M DONE WITH EVERYTHING.

Oh no! Not you too! I've learned now to do what lilyfairy said and keep copying/copying and pasting into notepad every so often in case it happens again!

You know you're BPD when you wake up in the greatest mood you've been in a while, then you try to get cereal but end up screaming and swearing, then cry and call up your SO, go through about 3 more mood swings by the time he gets to your house, and then you leave scratch marks on his back feeling great, and then you get triggered again and throw him out. He calls you Siren.

(first post! )

You know you're BPD when you knock your head on the corner of an open cupboard door, you think the cupboard did it deliberately because it hates you and it's always had in in for you. So you instantly explode in a fit of anger and punch the door closed so hard that you cut your hand. You then realise what you did and curl up in a ball crying thinking everyone is going to find out and won't love you anymore.

--

You know you have BPD when your boss sends you an email and before you read it you get a massive surge of panic as you think he's finally discovered you're a fraud and knows you're a stupid idiot and you'll be fired. Except when you open it, it reads that he's giving you a bonus for all the (perfectionist) hard work you've done.

--

You know you're BPD as when your son complains about having a bath for the 50th consecutive time you're convinced he's thinking that's another step closer to pushing the old man over the edge and thus his deliberate plot to maliciously undermine your authority continues. He then does something cute and the whole idea vanishes.

you know you are BPD when you watch the last episode ever of a tv series and feel like life is no longer worth livig because you have been abandoned by the characters in the show and you miss them all so much but then you remember you hate them all anyway and it was a $#%^ show probably written by $#%^ writers and you wiki search the writers so you know what they look like so if you are ever in Beverly Hills or New York or someplace you can look for them and either 1) beg them to write more or 2) abuse them for having so little talent (depending upon your mood at the time) then search your favourite cast members out on facebook to see if their wife resembles you at all and if she doesnt she is a whorebag bitch and if she does she is a whorebag bitch. you then go on itunes find a new show and are so enthsiastic and happy about it you buy all 7 seasons and watch them back to back. friends again.... until the end.

you know you are bpd when you cry when you finish a book (even though its not that often because you always skip to the end because they just fill these pages with long winded #######4 and you just want to know what happens and why does it take more than 44 seconds to find out what happens,,, ) because you feel so alone without the friends you made between the pages.

you know you are BPD when you notice your therapists front garden needs some help and you want to please him so much so you sneak up and plant flowers in the middle of the night, then he tells you next session/he is going on holidays so you rip the flowers out the next night and tell him you hate his shoes.

when you go to your therapist and dont talk to him because he is going on leave in 3 months and he told you now!

Got a new crush - again - and already seeing signs of push-pulling. Wouldn't want to ruin this one.

When the person you devalued so much starts giving you attention and affection and you suddenly hate yourself for having devalued her and you start idealizing her and being clingy again, hoping you won't push her away this time.....hoping she doesn't abandon you again.

Every outfit you try on makes your face look ugly and ur hair look like a 4 year old styled it, so eff it not going to thanksgiving dinner and never leaving the house again!

You know you're BPD when you have a hypo-manic episode and start messaging a guy you like and end up in a conversation with yourself and after a couple hours get mad at him for hating you because he hasn't replied in over 3 minutes. You wake up the next day and feel terrible and try to apologise, but he doesn't talk to you all day and so you decide you hate him again and start freaking out at him again. He finally replies and you get even more mad that he had the nerve to even talk to you, and every little thing he says makes you hate him more, all his excuses about being really busy are stupid and pathetic. He then says he's sorry and he'll message you more often and you stop hating him and decide you like him again. Then the next day any time he messages you you convince yourself that he's only doing it to keep you from getting angry again and that he still hates you and he's trying to drift away from you. You start fantasizing that he screws up his interview and gets laughed at and that he can't get into America because they don't want such a failure immigrating to their country and his current girlfriend dumps him for being a joke.