Abandonment

many of you have questions and concerns in this area.

I hope this will give you an avenue to discuss this issue here.

It is the most troublesome sx of BPD, next to self harm according to our poll in this forum, and we all need support in this area.

If you have felt this or are going thru what you feel is an abandment issue, lets talk about it mutually here and support eachother comfortingly , if you like....

Gentle hugs to all that do. I totally understand.

Abandonment


Are Borderlines Abandoned or Do They Abandon Others????

http://www.borderlinepersonality.ca/bor ... nment1.htm
for more info



I have been abandoned, but in most cases bacause I run them off to see if they love me enough to come back. Other times to keep from having to love so I dont get hurt.

But being alone for even a few minutes I feel this way. This is the part I can't overcome.

ddeehopes wrote:

I have been abandoned, but in most cases bacause I run them off to see if they love me enough to come back. Other time to keep fro havin to love so I dont get hurt.

But being alone for even a few minutes I feel this way. This is the part I can't overcome.

I just had a relationship of a year with someone that had Borderline Personality Disorder that ended with the person breaking up with me. I still am trying to figure out what happened. In about a two week period I was broken with about 5 or 6 times always to recieve a call within a day of the breakup. But this time it is different, it has been several weeks now and the person's phone service has been disconnected to a new number I imagine and the person's email account is closed. I just don't get what hapenned.

I have severe problems with abandonment, and it's really frustrating.
My fathe left when before i was born, and my mother remarried and moved away when i was 16, leaving me with my grandparents. I'm not sure if thats the reason for my behaviour these days, but whenever my friends cancel our plans or my boyfriend has to work back i get very angry, accuse them of not caring and abandoning me and say alot of hurtful things. This really upsets my boyfriend, who ends up crying and feeling like he's a bastard, when i know it's just me, but in my head he's wrong, i manipulate him to make him think he really IS in the wrong. I hate it, but i have no control over what i say when i'm set off, i can't help but be nasty and hurtful.

fghjk1111 wrote:

ddeehopes wrote:

I have been abandoned, but in most cases bacause I run them off to see if they love me enough to come back. Other time to keep fro havin to love so I dont get hurt.

But being alone for even a few minutes I feel this way. This is the part I can't overcome.

I just had a relationship of a year with someone that had Borderline Personality Disorder that ended with the person breaking up with me. I still am trying to figure out what happened. In about a two week period I was broken with about 5 or 6 times always to recieve a call within a day of the breakup. But this time it is different, it has been several weeks now and the person's phone service has been disconnected to a new number I imagine and the person's email account is closed. I just don't get what hapenned.

If this were me, and I disconnected my phone, it means "come to me" Don't call. Or the person just may not have paid their phone bill because you said the email account was closed to. After break ups I go in to deep depressions feeling abandoned, as I mentioned before. It is clinically called"imagined abandonment" when I run them off, and then feel like the victim. Once my ex finds me, we always get back to gether. Whether out of my winning the little game I play, or out of loneliness, I'll never know. But if someone is willing to go the extra mile, they must've cared.

My dad never has returned .

The land line phone and cell phone numbers had been disconnected. I am positive it was a phone number change and not an issue of not paying their bill.

I was wrong about the email address being closed. I emailed him a week after the breakup and my email went through. I then emailed him after I received an unsigned note from him. This time when I emailed the email bounced back, it even bounced back when I created a new email account. He blocked all adresses that were not on a specified approved to get email list I assume.

ddeehopes, what you described is the way it used to be with the breakups but this last time was different because I lashed out verbally harsh and insulting. I had had enough. Please remember I did not know much about BPD at all at the time. When I left town for a few days after the last breakup and intense arguing and insulting - I was not backing down this time, to get away from the whole situation I got an email after a few days . The email asked if I was really flying home and I childishly made it seem like I was leaving here for good. That was the last I have heard from him. He has seen me since I have been back and left me a note once but that is it. The first time I ran into him I told him I still loved him.

We crossed paths a second time walking down a street, he only lives 3 blocks away, several weeks ago and I did not exist to him. I did manage to say 'hi.'

It is wierd to suddenly be out of someone's life and to be hated so much especially from the person I loved.

I am so sorry for your pain. I do know that feeling.... and it literally SUX!!!!

Sometimes Bpds will feed off of headgames. Other times we stay clear of those red flags. It depends on the person and their history. Men will go away and stay away I believe longer than a woman. Women need reassurance in this area more, that if and when they decide to make amends, the other person will still be there, sometimes forever. Never letting go.( another symptoms), Men on the other hand, if abandoned by their mothers have a much stronger will, and will not tolerate women leaving them or abusing them ever again. Strange how we all handle these things differently.

What I did once when In a bpd , bpd relationship, was send him flowers and a teddy bear, it worked. Another time a letter, telling him to listen to the song.
Come to my window. He actually came to my window.

So you might decide if this is what you really want. But make sure. Each breakup for the bpd is devestating. A whole abandonment cycle again. And love can turn to hate.

It has to be handled with kid gloves. He may need space to calm down and miss you. Then if you still care, and want to make it work. Then make a friendly gesture, such as above, and start over as friends, as he will be very cautious in the beginning. Some only appear cautious. But it sounds like you need to just start over and when the time is right, say I'm sorry. For he probably won't.

I know how your heart aches now. I hate that pain.

All my best in rekindling your lost love, and write anytime.

I've also had problems with abandonment. A month ago the man I thought I loved, the first person I could ever say I truly loved, left me. Now I know that it wasn't love, but a combination of lust and this illness creating that feeling that I constantly need someone there to hold me and support me because I can't do it myself. Thanks to him I realize that I can do it myself. It still hurts... I still often have feelings towards him. I've tried to reach out as a friend but I can't do it right now. I still need to heal. He hurt me, he abandoned me, and he was not sensitive to my feelings. He was selfish. For that I can never forgive him. If he cared about me he wouldn't have done things the way he had. Those tears I saw from him when he broke up with me... they weren't tears for me. They were tears for himself. They were tears shed because he was afraid. They were tears shed because he knew he wasn't going to be getting daily sex anymore.

Abandonment sucks but sometimes it can show us that we are strong enough to stand alone. Once we can learn to accept ourselves, we can learn then to love another.

ddeehopes wrote:Abandonment


Are Borderlines Abandoned or Do They Abandon Others????

http://www.borderlinepersonality.ca/bor ... nment1.htm
for more info



I have been abandoned, but in most cases bacause I run them off to see if they love me enough to come back. Other times to keep from having to love so I dont get hurt.

But being alone for even a few minutes I feel this way. This is the part I can't overcome.

This is an old post, but I'm so glad I found it. That link is great. I have a young friend I am trying to help. He tends to get very angry and impatient, and thinks I am rejecting him if I don't give him what he wants right now if not 5 seconds sooner. This is very taxing, to say the least. Now at least I have a little more insight into what is going on. Thankyou, ddeehopes.

I would appreciate some comments.. but seems there are few that will.

Instead of posting the same topic I`ll just past the link here:

I want out, but am unable to because of my doubts