Our partner

Do you hold grudges?

Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: lilyfairy

Re: Do you hold grudges?

Postby the owls » Sun Jun 05, 2011 8:33 pm

Oh yes. If you wrong me, I will hold a grudge for life
dx: borderline pd. bipolar. anxiety. ptsd (mostly in remission).
rx: 200 mg seroquel 15 mg remeron 300 mg wellbutrin. still searching for the right cocktail.


+++

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
User avatar
the owls
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 78
Joined: Tue May 17, 2011 9:08 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:35 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Do you hold grudges?

Postby ajr8 » Sun Jun 05, 2011 8:58 pm

I also hold grudges for a very long time. If people betray me I hold a grudge against them forever. Even little things, such as if someone said the wrong thing to me one day, I still think about it and it makes me hate the person.
User avatar
ajr8
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 3292
Joined: Wed May 04, 2011 4:11 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:35 am
Blog: View Blog (4)

Re: Do you hold grudges?

Postby mick11 » Tue Jun 07, 2011 7:05 pm

Non's do this as well, so it's just not those who suffer from BPD.

I'll hold a grudge based on how severe the argument/issue was. If it's a minor argument, it's usually forgotten about within a few hours. If it was an extremely hurtful event, the grudge could last a very long time. I have had people hurt me extremely bad and I wrote them out of my life for good. They only bring bad feelings, and I don't need that in my life.

I could see where this would be a good thing. If someone keeps hitting your trigger point and you constantly have a hard time controlling your emotions: maybe it's best to cut them out of your life. My ex ( BPD) and I seem much happier the less we see/talk to each other. We are both better off with each other out of our lives. Neither one of us can heal if we keep hurting each other.

Just a thought.
mick11
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 5:10 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 3:35 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do you hold grudges?

Postby caty » Thu Jun 16, 2011 5:34 pm

xx
Last edited by caty on Sat Jun 18, 2011 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
caty
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 88
Joined: Sat Jul 03, 2010 6:52 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 3:35 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do you hold grudges?

Postby msserene » Fri Jun 17, 2011 10:12 pm

cacster wrote:I hold grudges for years...

If someone "crosses over" onto my hate list... I can hate them for life.


I agree 110%

and although I have a strong DESIRE to WANT to like most people when it comes down it
the truth is I don't, in all honesty I dislike most people in general but mostly its because I feel like I cant trust any of them.
msserene
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2011 9:41 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 3:35 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do you hold grudges?

Postby MsLucy » Thu Jun 23, 2011 4:40 am

Ok, long story cut short - a HPD/BPD (seems to have both traits) pursued and got involved with a married person who had just separated. Things were not what they seemed and the rebound relationship ended soon after followed by suicide threats etc. Eventually the married person reconciled with their other half and the HPD/BPD is now holding a grudge against both the husband and wife and sees both of them as responsible for wronging them.
How long is this sort of grudge likely to last? Will these feelings fade eventually?
Also another question, how likely is to that a BPD will confront someone they have a grudge with?
MsLucy
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2011 11:20 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 3:35 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do you hold grudges?

Postby ely90 » Thu Jun 23, 2011 9:13 am

I hold a grudge until can't remember why I had a grudge against them. I resent people for the smallest things, but to me they feel like the biggest thing, I'm starting to realize that maybe people don't drop me/ ignore my texts because theyre bad people but because Im incredibly difficult to get along with. So Im trying to not hold it against people, even though I would much like to rip their faces off. I have friends whove put me through a lot more than I have put other people through and Im still there for them.
User avatar
ely90
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 9:00 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 3:35 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do you hold grudges?

Postby katana » Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:38 am

isoko49 wrote:In a brief summary - it's the black and white thinking that's all part and parcel of BPD. Try this exercise - think of someone you love/like and then try to write down 3 things you hate about them. And then do the same for someone you hate but write down 3 things you like about them. I find it nearly impossible to write down anything bad about the people I like or anything good about the people I hate.....and the excuses I come up with for them! If I like someone, I will put up with endless amounts of nonesense from them "because I like them".....yet if they were someone I disliked then it would be more ammunition for my guns. Some of the things my "nice" people do is worse than some of the things my "nasty" people do.....but because I have them slotted so carefully, I will put up with a lot! Things like "they're late; they probably got caught up with someone and didn't want to rush off as it would be rude"....for someone I like but in the same situation for someone I dislike "they're always late, they just do it do annoy me and they couldn't even be bothered to text me to let me know."


I've got to admit i actually used to be a lot like that - i'm a bit more level-headed now, but i can really relate some of my past behaviour to that.
User avatar
katana
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 9013
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:05 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 3:35 pm
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: Do you hold grudges?

Postby Syldaris » Fri Jun 24, 2011 3:21 am

it's the black and white thinking that's all part and parcel of BPD.

that is exactly why you hold a grudge for so long. once someone has crossed to the other side you have trouble getting them out of there. are you able to be pleasent with the person when you are around them? if you had good times with the person think about that instead of what they did to you. work on acceptance that they did that and there is nothing you can do about it but hating them doesnt make a difference. hate is a poison, and it is actually very harmful for your health. just learn to say f*ck em, and then stop caring or thinking about the person all together. If they hurt you really bad, why are they even important enough for your hatred? they shouldnt be in your thoughts in any way shape or form, but if you want a relationship with them again, then think of the good times and move on from the bad times, accept that there is bad times and let them pass by, dont try and hold onto them.
"A question that sometimes drives me hazy; am I or are the others crazy?" Albert Einstein
User avatar
Syldaris
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2011 10:10 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 3:35 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Previous

Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], conditional_love and 180 guests

cron