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Crying all the time....

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Crying all the time....

Postby Jazzie_confused94 » Wed May 11, 2011 12:21 am

Does anyone on this site help??
i tried it two days ago and no one has helped me... :(

Im depressed , my birthday next week , i cant even begin to get my self up to go to school , im crying all the time , im so alone and i have no one. :( im tired of not being good enough for anyone , im tired of my moods changing all the time ! i cant have one stable relationship which is what i need ! i lose everything to this ... even my family cant stand to abuse me :(

i just wanna hold that knife to my throat and take away all these pain ...
the one person i need and i had is gone... there nothing left to live for :(

im not very pretty at all , i been trying to get help for the last 5 years of my life but nothing has changed.
i live and breathe for a boy or someone to recuse me , cos apart from him , im only known has the ugly caring person that people can walk all over cos i let them. :(
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Re: Crying all the time....

Postby Twistedmister » Wed May 11, 2011 2:32 am

How old are you turning?


........i'm sure you'd get more responses, if you shared more of your story.


I want to hear more. :D
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Re: Crying all the time....

Postby EarlGreyDregs » Wed May 11, 2011 2:45 am

I wish I knew what to say to help you but Twisted is right, perhaps you could share a little bit more of whats going on?
..
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Re: Crying all the time....

Postby R.V » Wed May 11, 2011 2:50 am

Hi to a fellow Aussie :)

I'm sorry to hear about the pain you're in. I, too, would like to know how old you are (it does make a difference to what advice you'd be given) Can you see someone(a counsellor)? Have you been to a doctor to see if you're depressed and need medication? It sounds like you could really use someone to talk to. Hurting yourself isn't the answer, I know things can seem hopeless sometimes but it can always be helped.

Living and breathing for someone else will only work for so long, you need to start breathing for you! Perhaps you could give a bit more info about what's going on in your life so we can give you more specific advice.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha

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Re: Crying all the time....

Postby Jazzie_confused94 » Wed May 11, 2011 3:09 am

thankyou for replying ...
im 17 next week.

okayy more of my story here it comes , my mum and my father had me a baby to try and save their marriage but it didn't work , when i was of the age of only 1 years , i had to watch my mum get thrown into glass doors and beaten to death which was horrible at 2 years old they broke up and i never really saw my dads much because he didn't really care about me , around the age of 5 i started seeing him every second week , he was abusing me about how my mother doesn't bring us up right and how i seen how anger he gets. i changed from a private school to a public school my life went downhill , i was in and out of operations cos i had really bad ears and i couldn't hear good at all i was in and out of operations for about a year and since i had missed so much school that i had to repeat year two and the public school were only ones offering me help like one on one. i was fine until i reached year 3 when they put me into mainstream classes without no help , my grades were horrible and i started being bullied all the time , i ended up in the office crying everyday cos people would pull my hair , hit me and lie about me. it was awful ... a year 5 i went crazy i got suspended cos i was threating to kill people if they came near me cos i was so emotionally damaged , i can back to school a week later and i got bullied up again , in year 7 i was bullied so much , i pulled out all my eyelashes , burnt my wrist with my straighter and have scars , cut all my hair off and had to wear a wig cos i got teased even more. that was 2007 when it all finished and then high school was about to start so i thought oh well this is good , my dad had gotten himself a girlfriend two and over this holiday period , i was BULLIED by them , my dad started hitting me , punching me in the face saying he never cared , would drop me off somewhere and i would have to call help all because this gf didn't like me and i stood up for myself one day and punched her in the face , she called the police on me. i was so damaged and emotional i didn't no what to do . i was alone , my mum works all the time to support me and brother i have but my brother older so he doesn't have to go through what i did. then in the holidays three days before christmas i went out for dinner for my dads birthday with my brother but my brother took his car and went to a party after and i had to go home with my dad and his gf , we were driving home and someone run a red light and hit into our car , i was taken to the womens and children hospital cos the force of the accident moved my spine and gave me serious back issues , before i got into high school i had to go doctors all the time , i had chriopactor twice a week then i had to fit in specialist appointments plus more. as soon as i got into high school in the end i got nothing much fails.... d and e's which made me cry even more , i got a few little boyfriends on the side which i had never had to but i didn't get time for them. i wasn't allowed to play sport i wasn't even allowed to do anything cos it hurt to shower everyday . i had migraine constantly .

in the end i was nothing but failing and going through the same thing in year 8 and 9 which made my dad more angry and abusive my family was abusing me and my mum was too . i said i was trying the best i could and they didnt even believe me it shattered me . in the start of year 10 last year when i almost gave up hope i meet this guy through someone a school and he liked me he took my heart and make me feel like i was the world to him and i loved him so much , i went out with him even though i was 15 and he was 20 and so forward we went out for three months and i gave him everything just to keep him by my side. i loved him so much we broke up for two months then got back together to only just broken up two months ago , he helped me with my schooling , i use to wag cos i hated it so much and he made me go to school and say stuff. even though to boyfriend i had has heaps of problems couldn't get a job , bipolar massive and got upset over the little things had to always be right. it killed me but i stayed on cos i love the feeling of being loved. when we went out the second time thats when things got soo weird , he cheated on me once and then he hit me once it was awful but he cried to me and told me to say by him so i did cos i said i 'd leave if your gotta hurt me and he said noo , he got kicked outtta home and went to live with these people who dont like me , these people were fake and were nice one minute then angry the next it was horrible i did everything for him cos the house he moved into was fereal i cleaned every single room in that house until it was spotless and they were all thankful when they just watched me do it even with back problems and stuff they didnt even care , i stayed i gave him money and i bought him things all the time . he couldnt even afford to buy me a christmas present :( i was upset but i lived then this year he met more guy friends and they were fake i lend them stuff of mine for his friends to borrow so i had trust and $#%^ and then he friends turned around when i wasnt their and said break up with the bitch , go hook up with this chick , he told me and it KILLED ME ! i was soo upset and i went up to one of them and punched him in the face cos i had done so much for him and he saying $#%^ about me when he didnt even no me .

me and my ex boyfriend agured all the time about trust cos i had little trust in him cos he cheated , hurt and his friends were no good influences he said he had the right to go have some space from me which im no good to space cos i think i will lose them and in the end i didnt give him space i panicked and called him a 100 times in a hour , he changed his number blocked me and everything even after he knew i got kicked out and then i was unstable he made it worse... i cant even stand now to go to school i have fear of always being alone , i rather kill myself then hurt anyone else , no matter what i do is not enough , everyone of my friends have stolenn from me or hurt me but i still forgive them only cos i dont want to be alone :(

my life is ###$ up
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Re: Crying all the time....

Postby Jazzie_confused94 » Wed May 11, 2011 3:15 am

the school also found out i wasn't meant to be passing they were only passing me off for the next teacher to handle , i have a learning problem and i only have the brain of a year 7 which means the school were in the wrong for passing me which has felt me to feel dumb :(

also thankyou heaps for replying it means a lot to me. about medication , im already on some but then they took me off it . they think all i need now is another 7 years of counselling but others are saying i need the medication still. i seeing three different people and they all have totally different opinions , im so confused :(
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Re: Crying all the time....

Postby Twistedmister » Wed May 11, 2011 6:10 am

I'm not sure what to say.


I wish you lived around here, so i could be your friend.....and also go beat a bunch of people up for you.



You're right though. Your life is certainly f((ked up.


Is there anywhere you can go? Leave your dad? Why do you even see him? Have you thought about calling the police?


The 3 people you are seeing........do you talk to any of them? About school and your life and things like that? Or do you mostly talk about medication?



Things will get better with time. 17 is very very very young. A person's brain, doesn't stop growing until age 26.
That alone, will give you more strength.


Not to mention.......as you get older, you'll be able to get away from these people, for longer...if you choose. There won't be any school to go to, and people won't be such di((ks.

I mean, there still will be..........but kids can be as stupid as they come. So that atleast, will get better.



So yeah, your life is fuKced......but it will probably get easier little by little, so don't give up just yet.


Till then.......keep posting. :D
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Re: Crying all the time....

Postby Jazzie_confused94 » Wed May 11, 2011 6:43 am

Im a person to forgive people unfortunally , i dont see my dad often cos his gf who he lives with doesn't like me so i have no choice but to see him one day a week . yeahh these three people i talk too dont want to put me on medication cos they think i will be hooked i wouldnt blame them though. its a very hard life to live , i hope it gets easy i really do when im 18 im leave home and start fresh but yeahh atm i just have to keep on posting on . i really a loney girl . thanks for the support though i appreciate it a lot . i go through a hell of a lot , im trying to stay strong though . xoxox
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