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Postby wildernessrealm » Fri May 06, 2011 12:05 am

Mind just goes blank even when I'm in comfortable social situations. Used to just happen when I was anxious...but now I find myself looking in my head to find nothing. It's as if there is no one home anymore.. It's not necessarily a sad feeling, just frustrating because I can feel at peace just being quiet while hanging out with someone I'm close to. I start to beat myself up though because I know I can't have relationships where I just hang out saying nothing to another person. I get so frustrated because I'm sure I come off as boring, cold, or quiet and people always invalidate/bully/try and control people they see as quiet.

Talking is just so so boring for me 90% of the time now and not worthy of the all the effort I have to put into carrying a normal convo. I feel like an improv actor just having to constantly make things up on the spot and seem interested. Either that or I mind blank when I'm anxious...Don't know which is worst..

I 've read about this phenomena a couple time on this board but it was briefly mentioned. I would really reallly really appreciate a comment/feedback/experience. please!! :mrgreen:
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Postby Twistedmister » Fri May 06, 2011 12:43 am


I'm feeling it right now.

I want to say something.........but meh, why put in the effort?

I guess that's a part of it.

Sometimes i feel like i put in so much work.........just being "normal"............that it feels, good actually being normal.

Which a lot of the time........is just relaxing and not having to force myself to "be" for anyone else.

I think in a lot of ways.......i'm just glad to have someone there.

That most of what i do/say..........is designed for me to keep them there. To figure out how to make them stay and/or if they are likely to.........

So if i feel just relaxed with a person...........most of the time, i generally don't have much to say.

Unless we've got some really common interests........

Anywho........i find a lot of the time.........i generally drive the conversation. I guess it's a control thing......

Or maybe, most people.........don't feel this way (see posts by Mr.Emak? ).........and actually don't feel like it's a chore to talk.

(even though i talk a lot......it's generally, to control)

So yeah.......i end up, controlling.........words are just another tool, for manipulation.

Can't relax........if i'm busy trying to control people.

ANyways.........this is just a random not thought out at all reply.

So fukc yall........ i'm relaxed.

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Postby Squeekerz » Fri May 06, 2011 6:13 am

My mind is blank very often. I have actually attempted to tell people about it... but no one seems to really understand. They'll ask, "What're you thinking about, " and I can honestly say "nothing." They don't believe me though... There are many times where I'll seem to be staring off into space thinking of something, but in actuality the only thing I'm thinking of... is that I SHOULD be thinking of something. A typical experience in my head:

Hmm... what should I say? Um.... (I look around at various things) .... chair.... floor.... floor.... floor....
"What you thinking about?"
Nothing actually...
No.. seriously. I have nothing to say...

... so yeah... I've always thought it was weird that it is just BLANK in there. I mean.. shouldn't I be thinking something? Anything? Unless I'm thinking "... I'm so unhappy" ... sometimes I am just not thinking anything at all! When I'm riding in the car with people... or walking next to people... I don't have anything to talk about. I feel so dull and lame.... I don't even understand how people can stand me! I have no personality. All I have is blank. I am blank.... it's pretty sad... But that's why I gravitate towards those who are extroverted and outgoing. They pull something interesting out of me... otherwise... it's blank....

It's why I hate being alone.... because I am empty....
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Social Anxiety Disorder
Major Depressive Disorder
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Postby isoko49 » Fri May 06, 2011 6:30 pm

Oh - me too!

I was trying to tell my therapist about it this morning.....how I struggle to find things to say with people and she just kept saying "why do you need to say something the whole time?" I feel that if there's nothing to say, people will find me boring and not like me. And I don't blame them because I find it SOOOOOO hard to think of what to say....I just can't do it! I just can't think of what to say and all that goes through my head is a bit like Squeekerz..."what do I say....umm.....errr......(&*(^() what do I say....ummmm......" Even with people I know. It never used to bother me when I was with my ex - the silences were quite comfortable because I didn't feel there was any expectation of great words of wisdom! He accepted that I just didn't talk much. Now I feel horribly awkward around him when I can't think of what to say and am just aware of the silences much more than before.

My therapist is trying to get me to believe that silences are OK......I dunno.......I'm bright, intelligent, sometimes funny - so why can I not think of words to say? I can type them, write them etc in places like here, or short stories....but even then I struggle with dialogue between characters because I don't know what to make them say! :roll:

I'm glad it's not just me......I'm going to be humming "The SOund of Silence" all evening now!
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Postby maximus » Fri May 06, 2011 7:07 pm

I think this relates to dissociation which is a symptom of BPD I believe. I used to get this quite a lot and still do, it usually is because you are not actually "present" in the moment and you are either consciously or subconsciously thinking about something else.

In regards to talking, talking is quite easy if you make an effort. Quite simply, you need to "care" about the other person, what they are doing, how they are etc., just ask questions and be sincere about it, then it will lead to a natural progression of conversation.

I always used to say to my friend (I haven't spoken to him in about a year) that I don't care about other people and what they are doing. He said you have to care otherwise quite simply no one will really care about you. It's a two-way stream.

Also a lot relates to ego, having no ego results in you being able to be genuinely interested. Practice makes perfect, don't beat yourself up if you don't see results straight away. Just be mindful of it and slowly improve.

Read these two books for more info if you're serious about this issue:
The Power of Now (helps you connect in the present moment)
How to Win Friends and Influence People (helps you develop higher people interaction skills)

With the caring part, maybe partaking in some kind of community activity or volunteering where you give to others will help you be more compassionate.
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Postby Apocallcaps » Sat May 07, 2011 8:52 am

wildernessrealm wrote:I get so frustrated because I'm sure I come off as boring, cold, or quiet and people always invalidate/bully/try and control people they see as quiet.

I understand.

When people do that you have to metaphorically kick the $#%^ out of them. Metaphorically take a flamethrower to them and burn them to hell. Metaphorically beat them into the ground. If they do it again, beat them down again yet a bit harder. If they do it yet again, beat them down again but even harder. Honestly, it is the only thing they'll understand in these sorts of situations. If you feel you don't have the constitution or fortitude then develop it!

Part of how you develop it is the scars from the battles which grow into callouses. In this sort of situation victory will depend heavily on which of you tires first. So, let's say they win? They'll smugly and arrogant dust their hands and think "that's that." Now, you've got an opportunity to regain your strength. In everything exists an opportunity. Wait until you come across them again and come straight at them. Wear them out. Make them wish they'd never screwed with you. If you have to, make them wish they were never born.

There are some situations where you just don't have the time to wait and get to the root of the problem (the primary cause) so at least in the meantime you have to get to the THROAT of the problem. There's an advantage to this as well. Once you've taken good care of the root cause be it through personal development or therapy of some sort; you will now have two skill sets. You'll still have the ability to beat someone down in addition to any 'healthy' skills you develop. You will never be at a disadvantage. The world can't touch you.

Use your imagination; find out all kinds of creative ways of doing it. You want people to know your bite, but you don't want to be known as 'the psycho' either (I'm wagering). It's your rightful respect that you're after. Thing is, you wont have to do it to everyone as word will get around and/or the witnesses of the event will think "Damn, I better not mess with them." Make them right. It may be show at first but you want to work to make it real--channel your rightful indignation, frustration and anger and forge it into a sword, or a mace. Personally, I favor a two-handed battleaxe. The thing is, I don't really have to use it or flex it much anymore as I know I've got it and others know I've got it.

Once you know you've got it and your confidence shows it will come off to people--consciously or unconsciously. You'll give off a vibe even when you're completely silent. You'll give it off and not even be aware of it. The body language will fall right into place. Additionally, you'll be able to muster up glares that burn right through people's eyes and out the back of their skulls if you so desired. You wont even need to talk anymore as they way in which you unconsciously, naturally hold yourself will say it all.

"I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn it to its advantage." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
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Postby Reon » Fri May 09, 2014 12:51 am

That night, I have a suddenly...'thunderstrike' at my brain... brain zap triggers the whole effing mind blank - - screw this...I need a cure.. I can't think properly...it's just blank...i can't talk without thinking hard...or just say nothing

-- Fri May 09, 2014 12:52 am --

That night, I have a suddenly...'thunderstrike' at my brain... brain zap triggers the whole effing mind blank - - screw this...I need a cure.. I can't think properly...it's just blank...i can't talk without thinking hard...or just say nothing
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