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Disconnect

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Disconnect

Postby MrEmMak » Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:36 pm

Do you think there is some disconnect between our actions and who we really are? Normal people feel happy during positive social interaction. Because of that, when they seek out social interaction, it's a great part of their life. Those of us with BPD, our brain has norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine malfunction. We don't feel reward (socially or otherwise), so we struggle to connect. We want to connect, but something is different and we don't (usually we're jerks because we don't share the warm social experience with people.) They try to give us meds that get our brain more in line with what we really want in life, but there aren't meds that can auto release normal amounts of brain chemicals to fit each situation. The result, we're somewhat happier, but still don't fit in quite right. We have to have DBT or some form of behavior therapy to help us to fit in better, but it's still not natural. We're still different.

I think BPD is kind of a curse. I want one thing, but then I'm so driven by my emotions that when they don't respond positively to what I want, I end up depressed and miserable while doing what I want. I want it but I hate it. I end up not knowing what I really want, not knowing who I really am and not understanding why I can't do the things I really want to do in life.

Does anyone feel that way?
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Re: Disconnect

Postby Synesthesia » Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:52 pm

yup, that sums it up in a nutshell! i'll want something like crazy, then when i finally get it... meh. something horrific is occuring!! shrugs. i'll freak out about it later. it's later. some other time. its some other time. not now. OH EFFING GODS, WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!! *anxiety attack! POW!*

its like... the trigger in my head for emotional response is on delay or overdrive. i just don't know what's appropriate anymore...
bipolar
PTSD
borderline personality disorder (with strong dissociative tendencies)
depression/anxiety
dermatilamania OCD
maladaptive daydreaming
CHAOTIC NEUTRAL: because some of us find sanity a little confining...
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Re: Disconnect

Postby Apocallcaps » Wed Apr 20, 2011 3:46 am

Damn, you got it in one brother. Amazing. 100%. This is part of why I don't bother with AD's anymore. For everything they make better, they make some other area of me and my life worse. Sure, I feel a bit better mood-wise, overall mentally-wise, but at great costs.

Also, to Synesthesia, you're awesome: I always score Chaotic Neutral as well. It's what I always play on any D&D game. On occasion my alignment will shift into Chaotic Good though for doing things like freeing slaves, reasoning with beings of lesser intelligence like Ogres, Giants etc instead of fighting them as they sometimes aren't motivated by being bad; they're just being dumb and it's kinda sweet.
"I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn it to its advantage." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
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Re: Disconnect

Postby Twistedmister » Wed Apr 20, 2011 4:32 am

think BPD is kind of a curse. I want one thing, but then I'm so driven by my emotions that when they don't respond positively to what I want, I end up depressed and miserable while doing what I want. I want it but I hate it. I end up not knowing what I really want, not knowing who I really am and not understanding why I can't do the things I really want to do in life



I agree with everything you said.

Do you see why you are in so much pain. Do you think, if you enjoyed more......you'd want less? Do you think if you wanted less, you'd enjoy more?
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Re: Disconnect

Postby Nassavas » Wed Apr 20, 2011 4:46 am

I can agree with you here. I know everyday of my life is like that. I really want something and when i get it I could care less, but normally I never can get up the energy to try and achieve it in the first place. Its something that i SHOULD want and i could care less. Im so disconnected from reality and from what i need to be doing.
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Re: Disconnect

Postby Nassavas » Wed Apr 20, 2011 4:46 am

I can agree with you here. I know everyday of my life is like that. I really want something and when i get it I could care less, but normally I never can get up the energy to try and achieve it in the first place. Its something that i SHOULD want and i could care less. Im so disconnected from reality and from what i need to be doing.

Woops, sorry dubble post >.<
Last edited by Nassavas on Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Disconnect

Postby GanjDroid » Fri Apr 22, 2011 7:18 am

Synesthesia wrote:yup, that sums it up in a nutshell! i'll want something like crazy, then when i finally get it... meh. something horrific is occuring!! shrugs. i'll freak out about it later. it's later. some other time. its some other time. not now. OH EFFING GODS, WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!! *anxiety attack! POW!*

its like... the trigger in my head for emotional response is on delay or overdrive. i just don't know what's appropriate anymore...


Agreed
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