Do you think there is some disconnect between our actions and who we really are? Normal people feel happy during positive social interaction. Because of that, when they seek out social interaction, it's a great part of their life. Those of us with BPD, our brain has norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine malfunction. We don't feel reward (socially or otherwise), so we struggle to connect. We want to connect, but something is different and we don't (usually we're jerks because we don't share the warm social experience with people.) They try to give us meds that get our brain more in line with what we really want in life, but there aren't meds that can auto release normal amounts of brain chemicals to fit each situation. The result, we're somewhat happier, but still don't fit in quite right. We have to have DBT or some form of behavior therapy to help us to fit in better, but it's still not natural. We're still different.
I think BPD is kind of a curse. I want one thing, but then I'm so driven by my emotions that when they don't respond positively to what I want, I end up depressed and miserable while doing what I want. I want it but I hate it. I end up not knowing what I really want, not knowing who I really am and not understanding why I can't do the things I really want to do in life.
Does anyone feel that way?
BACK, BETTER THAN EVER, BUT WEARING A CLOAK OF LIGHT!