I dropped out of school a month and a half before graduation (i did
have some legit reasons, however, that my teachers/therapist agreed with). Now I resent everyone who is flashing around their graduation dresses or whatever. I gave my grad ring to my mom because everytime I looked at it I hated myself.
I can't work as of right now; advised by my therapist that it's best that I don't right now. But even if she gave me the go-ahead, I don't know if I could. I kept saying I would look for a job now that I wasn't going to school (I was getting gov't education funds, now I'll be cut off and my bf is the only one bringing in an income) but I could never folllow-through with going and looking for one.
And I KNOW that if I got a job, I may not be able to go through with going to work, at least not without having a huge anxiety attack first.AND TODAY
I was supposed to meet this woman so that I could eventually start walking her dog to make a little bit of money as well as get my ass moving (since exercise helps my mood but its hard to get out sometimes)...and I chickened out. I started having an anxiety attack like 2 1/2 hours before I was supposed to leave. I cancelled.
I'm not overly anti-social but I feel like I'm starting to get worse at engaging with other people. I feel like people wouldn't want to hang out with me anyway sometimes. I'd rather be by myself (other than my boyfriend, but sometimes I feel like I don't even want to be around him) and do nothing than be out with others and be productive.
And it doesn't help that when i HAVE to do something or ive made plans for something i get way too anxious over it to go through with it.