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can borderlines love?

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can borderlines love?

Postby jhp » Tue Apr 13, 2010 3:00 pm

I'm currently seeing an experienced psycho-analyst. I asked her if a borderline can love. Her answer wasn't convincing. The question bothers me. I wonder if a borderline's love is worthy of the name? I know it's a grim question.
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Re: can borderlines love?

Postby SYL » Tue Apr 13, 2010 3:53 pm

A real psychoanalyst?

If you've actually found someone to do psychoanalysis, you're lucky . . .

Anyway, of course we can. We are not some separate species or victims of brain damage. I don't know that there's any more to it than that.
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Re: can borderlines love?

Postby wisp » Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:04 pm

Borderlines are at the high end of sensitivity, so yeah they can love. In my experience, if I love someone it's even almost debilitating because I love them -so much-. The thing is that my anger can be equally intense. Any emotion is amplified. I feel like Borderlines are all about sensitivity, so of course we are able to love.
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Re: can borderlines love?

Postby FrayedEndOfSanity » Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:22 pm

Yep, definitely!

I love my fiance about 50/50 for selfish and unselfish reasons (I've thought about this a lot).

On the one hand, I love how he treats me, how supportive he is of me and how well he cooks (among other things).

On the other hand, I love him for who he is--his character, his stubbornness, his level head...and even some of his ideas that I don't agree with but would support anyway (as long as they're not TOO outlandish). I love & respect him even when he is absolutely useless to me personally. :D

But, for the most part, we ARE "useful" to each other...companionship, mutual understanding, an attraction to someone who reminds us of ourselves, etc. We also complement each other, as each one of us has areas of strength and vulnerability. That's one of the reasons why I think we work as a long-term couple.

--Frayed
Do not take my advice before talking to your doctor/counselor/other professional. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find free, confidential care. Most importantly, sometimes your shrink can be wrong. Get a second opinion.
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Re: can borderlines love?

Postby Pairou » Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:21 pm

Short answer: YES. It might take some time to find the person who can be patient with you and support you, but they exist. c:
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Re: can borderlines love?

Postby SmileXx » Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:25 pm

dictionary.reference.com wrote:love   /lʌv/ Show Spelled [luhv] Show IPA noun, verb,loved, lov·ing.
–noun
1.a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.sexual passion or desire.
4.a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5.(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6.a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7.sexual intercourse; copulation.
8.(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9.affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10.strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11.the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12.the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13.Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14.a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.


Love is tricky. It's developed a lot of definitions, at this point.
A psychoanalyst does not consider the FEELING of love so much as the definition of love.
Love can be long or short, intense or calm...
It can be a lot of things.
We're capable love. Even long term love if the conditions are correct.
The issue isn't whether we can love, it's whether we can find someone with the patience to love us in return.
It's whether we can find someone that will hang onto us and convince us there's no reason to leave before they do, simply because we know they won't be going somewhere.
It's whether we can become self-aware enough to recognize love from infatuation.
It's whether we can realize that sometimes love is unrequieted, but worth experiencing instead of running from.

Yes. We can love...
But it's not as easy as normies.
crimsonandclover wrote:Sometimes the greatest source is from within. And accepting whats in there.

veloruia wrote:We all have a bit of Smile in us.

onebravegirl wrote:Shine on and Smile on my beautiful 2D pal.


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Re: can borderlines love?

Postby Jayk » Mon Apr 19, 2010 1:37 am

I sure hope so. Finding Love gives me hope. :]
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Re: can borderlines love?

Postby littlewing » Mon Apr 19, 2010 1:57 am

FrayedEndOfSanity wrote:Yep, definitely!

I love my fiance about 50/50 for selfish and unselfish reasons (I've thought about this a lot).

On the one hand, I love how he treats me, how supportive he is of me and how well he cooks (among other things).

On the other hand, I love him for who he is--his character, his stubbornness, his level head...and even some of his ideas that I don't agree with but would support anyway (as long as they're not TOO outlandish). I love & respect him even when he is absolutely useless to me personally. :D

But, for the most part, we ARE "useful" to each other...companionship, mutual understanding, an attraction to someone who reminds us of ourselves, etc. We also complement each other, as each one of us has areas of strength and vulnerability. That's one of the reasons why I think we work as a long-term couple.

--Frayed


This is very inspiring. I was engaged to a great guy and I sabotaged it. I need to believe it's possible for me to have a healthy, mutually beneficial partnership. It helps to see examples from people who have similar struggles. Thanks. :)
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Abilify 5mg, Neurontin 600 mg, Prozac 20 mg, Wellbutrin 100 mg, Vyvanse 40 mg, Remeron 15 mg

...Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind...
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Re: can borderlines love?

Postby FrayedEndOfSanity » Mon Apr 19, 2010 2:22 am

No problem. Someone (I think it was Shadow Terra) made a great comment about the importance of reciprocity in relationships. I think it's possible for all of us to find that. :)

--Frayed
Do not take my advice before talking to your doctor/counselor/other professional. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find free, confidential care. Most importantly, sometimes your shrink can be wrong. Get a second opinion.
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Re: can borderlines love?

Postby Iamnotmyillness » Fri Jul 02, 2010 4:37 am

It depends on the individual.

It depends on the borderline.

Also the non.

I agree that having bpd can make it harder to find someone to love us back. But I think we love.

This is a good discussion.

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