applepie wrote:I have a diagnosis of BPD, am fifty years old so have plenty of experience! I have now been in therapy for three years so have gained enough insight to bring about change. I recognise my old self in your description of your wife and I can tell you what is happening: you are not FIXING her and so she is resentful towards you (all subconcious) and it will get worse as no human can fix us, we have to do that for ourselves, until she learns that and I mean really learns it she will NOT change, it will ALWAYS be the way it is now. I am sorry to sound so negative but I am afraid that until somebody with BPD gets extensive and indepth help nothing can change. You need to think long and hard, do you want to be abused for the rest of your life, because that is what she is doing although she will genuinley believe that she is right and justified in her behaviour towards you. I ended up leaving my marriage and hurt him very badly but there can be silver linings as, since my therapy, we are now best friends.
Oh by the way you did NOTHING wrong two years ago...nothing whatsoever please believe me.
I am so sorry you are going through such hell.
applepiexx
Thanks a lot. Coming from a person with the disorder, that makes me feel a lot better about myself.
Therapy plans are in the future. We are starting with MC. From there, she will refer us to a Therapist for individual stuff. It's an actual group or company with a variety of doctors/therapists/counselers etc. The people there thought it might be good to start off with MC, because she is a very anxious person, because it would get her started and ease her into it, and initially, I would be there with her to help ease some of the anxiety. I said I was going to get therapy too. At first, I thought it would help get her in the door. Now, I've realized I really need it.
I am NOT willing to live like this forever. But if she is really willing to try, I love her enough to give her a shot. If this doesn't work out, if she quits therapy, I will be done. But honestly, I'm just hoping I can get myself fixed enough right now to make it that far.