Control (I've edited this but read http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html
) I feel like she used manipulation because normally people wouldn't do what she did unless they were manipulating. Hard to seperate at times...
It's like my ex uBPD. One day we are talking about marriage and making plans for the upcoming weekend, next I'm being ignored during that weekend and bam she dumps me and says move on (actually she said I don't love you, YOU pissed it all away). Thing is she never returns many of the things I still had at her place (a few hundred dollars worth of bike parts) and never makes an effort to return them despite me getting a third party friend and writing a letter stating I would have to file a police report. She just ignored all of it, oh except she beat me to the punch an called the police informing them I was 'stalking' her, the police officer even said (when they called me to give ME a warning) that she told them that she did not want to get me in trouble but....WTF.
Being able to follow the "no contact rule" (see shrink for men, gettinbetter websites) takes the power away from her. Otherwise the door is left open so that when she's done ######6 around and possibly paints you white again she can try and snag you (hey it happened 3 times to me).
Remember, it's all about the inability to regulate emotions hence the I love you/I hate you we non's suffer through (well not to say that it's not uncomfortable for BPDers but come on they usually disassociate into painting you black and then could care less).
If your ex really gave you closure (changing all contact info, etc) then she WOULD have to deal with the loss of you from her life and face the grief, feel the pain and face the fear of being truly alone. As long as you keep in contact, this does not happen and you enable her to keep it up.
There is nothing to envy in your ex. She is all caught up in a mess and this kind of behavior probably means they have lots of losses they haven't grieved and no wonder there is so much illness around them. Be glad you are free from that.
Oh, and after a few months she'll probably try to contact you or if she see's you out and about try to communicate with you. I've witnessed this pattern over two years and 3 breakups.
Yep, really suck doesn't it. Even worse if she has jumped into another (sexual) relationship to not face her fears.
OUCH! That knife you stabbed into my heart hurts when you twist it.