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I can't feel love anymore :-(

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I can't feel love anymore :-(

Postby TurquoiseGirl » Mon Oct 12, 2009 1:38 pm

Hello.

I have recently been diagnosed with possible BPD traits and the main issue with me here is that fact that I feel nothing for my partner. I went from being absulutely totally in love/he was my everything/never felt this way before to waking up and feeling anxious and ridden with feelings of dread and that I no longer loved him. There were many triggers at the time, as I had recently moved down to his town to be with him 3 months prior to this - everything was perfect apart from when I started a new job and I didn't enjoy it, I didn't have many friends, I started to suffer an ongoing guilt for leaving my bipolar/bpd mother on her own and then finally I also started to battle huge insecurites of my boyfriend leaving me anyway (I am a jealous person when it comes to my boyfriend's ex's - silly i know :-()...Anyway, having that stress as well as being off work with a bad back (totally bedridden and on strong painkillers and diazepam), I suddenly FLIPPED 180 DEGREES. Everything was suddenly overwhelming and alian to me. I wanted to love my boyfriend but couldn't. I was so confused as nothing in the relationship was bad - just all in my head.

Ever since then (Nov last year), I have struggled with my nerves - depression, panic attacks and most of the time NO feelings of love for my boyfriend and my family up home, as well as affection/friendliness towards friends. It's like I can't say if I like people either.

I have struggled with bouts of depression since my teens, mainly invloving my past. I don't want to go on and feel sorry for myself, as I know alot of people have had a tough time, but my psych seems to think my shift in feelings for partner is all to do with growing up with a mentally ill mother, who abused alcohol and neglected me at times, having a father who left us and didn;t give a sh*t. Having several sexual abuse memories and a very unstable sense of self because if it - I really don't know who I am and never really have.

I have so many emotions going on at the moment, but a new part of myself that has just developed is that I feel hatred towards people?! The most recent reason is because these certain people forgot my birthday the other day - I mean HATRED?! Why am I feeling this way. Anyone can forget a birthday :-(.

But the main distressing thing in my life, is that fact that I have gone suddenlt from love to indifference for my boyfriend. He has done nothing wrong and is pefrect for me, but I feel empty, bored and unintrested . I hate myself and want to love him. Will thi come back? I feel it at times, then it goes again.

I would love to gain advice from anyone who has gone/is going through a similar problem. Another part of my problem is I find it hard to take in a diagnosis and I question it. I am questioning whether I don't have bpd and just have fallen out of love - this however is a terrible thought for me.

I am so messed up.

Thanks for reading x
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Re: I can't feel love anymore :-(

Postby SmallTalkRed » Tue Oct 13, 2009 5:53 pm

Hi TG,
"Feeling nothing" is common with BPD. Swinging in and out of emotional love is also common.
You might have PTSD which can really make life a stressful struggle. You will feel love again, I promise.

There may be underlying issues with your mother that needs to be addressed. Being or having BPD, can be controlled.
There are medications, the main thing is knowledge of having it. Once you know and accept this.
You can control it. Yes there is a chance, that you will be going along just fine, something will trigger you
and bam, you just don't give a crap, or you feel numb or your so angry you just want to kill!!!

You need to learn what your triggers are, and what to do. I am a trauma survivor, I endured as a child yrs of
sexual abuse, along with many other abuses and neglect. My doctor and I worked for 5 yrs to get me stable.
Once I was, I can really see my BPD before it happened or as it happened.

If you can lay to rest issues with your past, and live in the moment, learn to trust yourself,love yourself and see
that you are a great person-Alot of your struggle will level off.
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Re: I can't feel love anymore :-(

Postby TurquoiseGirl » Wed Oct 14, 2009 1:44 pm

Thank you so much for your reply. It gave me hope.
I just wish I could stop obsessing about not loving him and just accept it's how I am. But I can't because my mind keeps saying 'maybe u've just fallen out of love'.
Yet lastnite I dreamt he left me for someone else and I was so upset and felt so much love for him. ?!
I am so detatched from stue at the mo too-like I don't feel with it. I am off work too as I can't feel right there. I am so unhappy:-(.
I am sorry u suffered such a traumatic childhood. Mine was too, altho I have always been unbothered by it and got on with stuff. Maybe that's why i'm ill now? Or I just can't stay in love with people permanently:-(
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Re: I can't feel love anymore :-(

Postby somsom » Tue Nov 10, 2009 3:19 pm

HI,

I know it has been several weeks since you posted this, but I had to respond as I so sympathize with you. And the crazy thing is the scenario was similar. I came back from living in South America for over two years and met up with an old friend from college. We hit it off and fell totally in love. Everything escalated at an alarmingly rapid pace though. He is very gung-ho when he is in love. We can be very bad for each other as we are both children of alcoholics. He is codependent and I push--totally opposites. It's maddening. Anyway, he asked me to marry him. I said yes and then totally freaked. I just woke up one day feeling differently.

The weird part was that I felt jealous too, like you say, about ex's. I miss him when I haven't heard from him. But then when he is totally back and gung-ho again, I push. I don't want to have sex with him. I thought I was falling out of love, which is why I left, but now I just wonder if I am even capable of lasting love and commitment or even feeling love. We have broken up and reunited too many times. My parents were that way, and I don't want to follow in their foot steps.

I too feel a sad disconnect with friends and family. My brother and I are tight, and I feel real love for him, but he is the same and so we barely see each other, which I think is why it works. Very low pressure. While anyone who seems to push me to hang out or connect, I want to push back...but in the opposite direction :-(

I don't remember being this way before traveling to South America. I felt love and felt confident in my feelings. Now, I question everything I feel. If it is real, if it is fair? It is exhausting.

I almost want to stop all this analyzing myself and just live. It seems the more I identify with having a personality disorder or being an adult child of an alcoholic, the less I trust myself. Can you relate?

I hope you are feeling better. I am sorry I don't have any answers. But I thought if you knew there was someone else out there feeling like you do, it might help. If you've any words of wisdom to share with me, please write!
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Re: I can't feel love anymore :-(

Postby TurquoiseGirl » Tue Nov 24, 2009 9:42 am

Hello Somsom.

I am so sorry, but I have just come across your post.

I have started therapy via the NHS (my second appointment is on Thursday), but I really don't see my therapist being able to help. There was a mix up and when my psychiatrist said she thought I had traits of borderline and that I may benefit with DBT, that never came about, due to mis communication between her and the head psychologist and so the head psychologist has given me a counseller/psychotherpist.

My main problem is being obsessed with not feeling love or ANYTHING for my boyfriend, or anyone else. I know I have lots going on with my past, what with my poor mother but I feel like I'm using that as an excuse you know? Maybe I'm just not in love with him anymore...but this is devastating for me and I'm finding it very hard to accept if it's true.

What I don't get is, like you and like I said before, I am jealous of his ex's or other girls who fancy him (LOTS of girls fancy him) and when I think like this I feel things for him again. Or if I imagine us being finished and him being out on the pull again, I suddenly FEEL a WANT for him...yet, when I'm with him, spending time with him etc...I FEEL NOTHING :-( I hate my mind.

How are you doing anyway? Are you in therapy? xx
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Re: I can't feel love anymore :-(

Postby Truebesos » Sat Nov 28, 2009 4:46 am

Sorry to butt in on this conversation but I wanted to tell you that I understand where you are coming from. Up until recently, it was easy just to get through the daily life as long as I didn't need emotion. I would say I loved my husband but the feeling was absent. We are currently going through a separation now and I am certain I love my husband but the feeling is still warbled. It isn't as "bright" as it once was.
Here is my rationalization, as a BPD we feel things to the extreme. We love to the extreme and we hate to the extreme. I think that we condition our body to take in these great floods of emotions so well that eventually our body quits responding to the "normal" levels of emotions. We thrive on drama whether we want to admit it or not so when we don't have the drama we feel empty!
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Re: I can't feel love anymore :-(

Postby TurquoiseGirl » Sun Nov 29, 2009 12:25 pm

No need to apologise for butting in. I appreciated your post and agree by the whole feeling to the extreme. I have grown up with totally loving my mother and totally hating her and there was rarely any in between bits really. There was always something going off with her illness or with my family fighting etc. But with my boyfriend, it's different. It's normal, stable and I hate to admit it, but maybe boring? The thing is I don't WANT to have any drama though. I regularly have nightmares that he cheats or leaves me someone new and I am very distressed in the dream...so what I don't understand is I don't feel ANYTHING for him but I have a fear in my dreams that he feels nothing for me??? Do you think that's a subconsious thing?

I am going through therapy at the moment and have come to a point so far that I either a) shut off from him because things got too stressful for me what with the job, the back problem, the whole new life thing and did this because it all got too much and I wanted to protect myself because it reminded me subconsciously of the bad times in my life. (plus i tended to do this - just blank myself off) Or b) I shut off because with the honeymoon period ending due to the realisation of not liking my new job and having time on my own to 'think' about things in this new town, that I now considered things as not exciting and intense anymore. And as time has gone by, things are just normal and boring?

Or c) I have just fallen out of love. Period.

I don't know. I am so tired of obsessing about not feeling though. And sometimes when I can access how I feel about him, albeit brief and not really lovey dovey, just nice, I still have this weird 'feeling' of things not being right and maybe I'm seeing that as not being in love etc? Like there's this feeling deep inside me that I can't explain - is it that I don't love him or something else due to my issues?

I'm so confused by my whole head.
Do you guys obsess as much as me? xxx
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Re: I can't feel love anymore :-(

Postby optiblah » Sat Dec 11, 2010 5:34 am

Do you have amalgam (mercury) fillings? Because these can also be symptoms of mercury poisoning.
The removal of those is a delicate process during which the prevention of massive amounts of mercury entering the body is very important, so better search on the internet for what you have to pay attention to, for example taking binding agents, choosing the right dentist for the job, etc.
Hope this helps.
I wish you all the best
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Re: I can't feel love anymore :-(

Postby allyg91 » Mon Jan 03, 2011 6:51 pm

Hello, I was just going on a googling rampage and I came across this post. I am 19 years old, and I have been recently diagnosed with BPD. Let me tell you about my Journey.

About 7 or 8 months ago, I reconnected with a friend from high school, and fell into the greatest love spell. He is warm, gentle, sweet, funny, and absolutely adorable. Every single thing a girl could ever want. My whole family and friends adored him, and I never thought I'd find a guy like him. I have had a rocky relationship with my parents. My biological father doesn't give a crap about me, and my mom and i always fight. My boyfriend (Jeff) was giving me enough love to satisfy all my needs. Our relationship moved very fast, we talked for about a month while i was on vacation, and as soon as i got back, we instantly hit it off. Our relationship moved quickly mentally, emotionally, and sexually. We have since spent almost every single day together, and we live together now. About 3 months ago, early October 2010, something that I have never felt before, hit me, and boy did it hit me hard. I figured I fell out of love, and i broke it off. A couple hours later I was at his house, crying harder than I ever have cried in my life, and we got back together. Ever since that I night i have had this obsession that I do not truly love my boyfriend anymore, and that we are not meant to be together. It's the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life, and I want it to go away so bad. Rationally, I decided to go into counseling. My therapist is helping me understand that my heart is different from my head. My brain makes me think crazy things, but my heart feels love for Jeff. I have been SO hurt by almost everyone in my life, especially men, that I have programed my brain to think eventually, this perfect relationship has to come to an end. I am slowly learning, that it doesn't have to. It is all in my head. I need to deal with the bigger picture stuff such as, my dad leaving, my grandma dying, etc. My amazing boyfriend has done NOTHING to hurt me, but I am deflecting and blaming my problems on him because I have pushed all my emotions down for my whole life. I can't keep running from my fears, I need to face them. Thing's have gotten easier every day, but I am still very confused.

Has anything changed for you, did your relationship get better?
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Re: I can't feel love anymore :-(

Postby the_lost_lone_star63 » Sat Mar 12, 2011 6:38 pm

Hum.
Last edited by the_lost_lone_star63 on Sat Mar 12, 2011 9:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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