MrsMilo, I know how you feel and then I don't. I have some great friends. And then I am make some friends that I realize I'd rather drive a metal spike through their face, or mine, for becoming friends with them in the first place, like, what was I thinking? The agony of it all. But the one's I keep, I keep. My brother on the other hand, I hate him. Well, I love him. Well, he was my best friend for the longest time until he became a colossal prick towards me a few years ago, his massive ego pissing contest he had to have with me, it was so worth it for him! So, now, after all the piss has dried, I still love him, but I still hate him. He's an awful friend. He mumbles and rambles on the phone, on and on. And he's a horrible listener. All he wants to talk about about is what he is interested in. I never get a word in edgewise. Like, nice talking to you shit-head! He is an exemplar, though, of how not to communicate with people, so I thank him for that. (My brother might be borderline himself; he's a larger version of myself, 212 pounds, 5% body fat, shredded muscle, wrestling coach, not someone you'd want to mess with when he is angry, and the only way you'd know he's angry is when he doesn't say a word! he's one of those.)
But as far as being isolated to the point always wanting to be alone, I get it and I don't. I do need people. I yearn for people. I need quality people. They are so difficult to find. This world is full of poker chips, and most of them are flattened chicken turds. Probably not true, but for some reason that is who I keep running into.
You are married yet you want to be alone and hate everyone and even titled your thread as such. You are on Neptune to me. If you are interested, I comment on this particular topic in this thread, third posting down borderline-personality/topic52150.html
I find it astonishing that there are borderlines that seek and are in relationships. You have problems? Dear, I can't even begin to tell you mine....