I always want be alone, I hate everyone

I also always want to be alone and sometimes feel like I hate everybody indiscriminately.

I have avoidant personality disorder as well as BPD and I've begun to realise the reason I want to be alone and hate the world is really because I hate myself. Sad but true.

I was just wondering this about myself. Why do I always want to be alone. Why does everyone irritate me? I have been married 8 years and have a 10 year old daughter and I don't want to be with them most of the time. They irritate me and I rarely feel love for them. I feel like for thier sake I should leave. But counselors seem to think that it is just a symptom and I do really love them.
We are all 3 Bipolar and I am BPD also, and day-to-day living is so hard right now I just want to go out and drink, smoke, and drug so that I don't have to feel so miserable. I have been sober for 10 years and every time I go to an AA meeting I just feel like it is stupid and corny and that the people there are just spouting stuff they've heard from other people. I have felt like doing SOMETHING for so many days in a row I don't know how much longer I can feel this way without acting on it. I am obsessed with wanting to drink Apricot Ale. I even went to the store and looked at it, wondering if I should or would. I walked away. I know everyone wants me to stay sober but I just want a break from these feelings. Meds don't work, at least not for long.

It's an old thread, but what the hell.

I also always want to be alone and sometimes feel like I hate everybody indiscriminately.

I have avoidant personality disorder as well as BPD and I've begun to realise the reason I want to be alone and hate the world is really because I hate myself. Sad but true.

agree and me too!

I also think too many people are shallow, annoying or stupid or a combination of all three. I've been through too much in my life to think the average person would understand my point of view. It certainly doesn't help being very introverted. I'm so sick of being judged and let down so I reject them before they get the chance to hurt me.

relate to this too...

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My identity is split. The one identity is being a great dad to my kids, in hopes that they won't have the issues I do. My sense of self to some extent is dead, and it's that part of me which hates the outside world. I isolate the majority of the time. I've long grown tired of being judged for being on disability and the looks when they learn of my depression. I never mention bpd. I can only imagine how that would go over. I know how my interactions with other are going to go, eventually arguing (which I'll be blamed), aggravation, and anger. While I'm polite to strangers, I have no desire to have anyone close to me. I don't have friends, no one calls me and I don't call anyone. For me it's easier to do nothing, and isolate, be angry, depressed, and hopeless than to try end up with the same results of no friends and be more angry, more depressed, and more hopeless.

Hi, I never get on forums, but I just had to post here. I really hate it when I see awesome people having to degrade and label themselves with some type of psychological disorder. I don't think there is a damn thing wrong with you at all. So what if you don't like crowds, and would rather stay at home. Why should that be considered abnormal? I am the same way, and have been since childhood. I had a VERY small circle of people, mostly my family that I socialized with, but I always felt I had zero in common with anyone. I had all kinds of counselors at my school up in my face because I didn't want to do my projects with anybody. Everyone else teamed up except for me. I was so happy sitting alone daydreaming and pasting colored paper to a baby food jar, and they couldn't let me be. I was "anti-social". I was "withdrawn" I was "depressed". I wasn't like the other kids so therefore I was ABNORMAL. I am the same way to this day, and I would dare any quack with a psych degree to tell me I had anything wrong with me. I think I was a victim of western culture, and so are all those people who have to put up with feeling defective because they don't want rush out and roll around and go crazy in a crowd of people. Western culture prizes outgoing people. Everybody wants a "People Person" for everything. I think wanting solitude is a biological and personal preference. I have even come across a study that found that social people lack a chemical in there body that somehow gets produced during the act of socializing. This sound dumb, but it was a long time ago. I am terrible with names. Anyway, the people that desire less social interaction don't need that same stimulation. I do think that some people have chemical imbalance (like me on Zoloft) or trauma that inhibits their natural desire for social interaction, but if you KNOW nothing like that is at the root why say you are defective? Even with Zoloft, I love my own company above that of anyone else. I GET me in ways nobody ever has. I really feel other people are like aliens, I just don't get them. I don't enjoy them. They are AVERAGE. I had to suffer for a long time, because other people who apparently knew it all, thought I should force myself to be with people I did not enjoy, or understand, or care about. Why the hell do that if you really deep down know you don't need it or desire it. I wonder if you guys are like me. A deep thinker. A creative sort. Someone who loves to sit alone and absorb a good movie without some A hole ruining it for us. Getting lost in your own little world? That's how I think of people like that. My sister is the same way. We feel like when people get personal with us even if they are family and we like them, we still feel really strange when asked to go join them somewhere. We both have in-laws, and we like them, but it's a feeling like being violated. I said it felt like being raped and seeing a ghost at the same time haha! We just let them know we do love them, but we just aren't the social type. This was long, I'm sorry, but I don't want to see anymore people agonizing over this. You are awesome. You are not defective. Different cultural standards around the world prefer introverted or extroverted people. Don't let anyone else define your happiness by THEIR idea of what that is. And also yes, People get on my nerves very badly. Lack of manners is the worst! I hate people that hurt babies and animals. There are some cool people, but for me, very few indeed. I think most people are scum, or just to average to even acknowledge. I am happy reserving the best of me foe myself. I want you to be able to have that freedom too. Drop the s*itty diagnosis and enjoy your alone time. We are kinda like cats in that way. Finicky with who we want to nuzzle with. So what. There are just more outgoing people than people who want to be alone, so that makes it look like somethings wrong, but it's just natural preference. I'd only see a problem if a person desperately needs people and want's all that obnoxious social crap, but has something keeping them back. Then for them to be happy, they would need some help to get them out there comfortably. I hope I am not really off the mark, but it just seemed like you really didn't have any desire to go out all the time, and thought you should. A little goes a VERY long way with me. I hope I'm right and didn't write all this to sound like a total boob. Are you guys British? Then I would sound like a tit. Well if I'm right, then you are just a cat. Enjoy yourself on your own terms, because you secretly know you are such an awesome person, you just would rather hang out with you than anyone.

Same.

Like I saw somebody write in another forum- b*tches be crazy!

99.9% of women these days are fake, superficial idiots who can only carry a conversation if it involves beauty, shopping, boys, alcohol, partying etc etc.

99% of the population are completely self-serving and won't have a conversation unless it somehow involves themselves. This percentage also are rude.. with no manners, only out for themselves with no regard for their fellow brothers and sisters, and usually.. the more selfish.. the more friends (people like themselves) they seem to have.. which supports the 99% theory.

This means it's extremely difficult for me to find anyone worth having a friendship with. I'm not speaking in grandiose terms.. I'm just not like these people. I'm a very nice and sweet girl who, apparently according to a lot of websites means I'm 'needy' for friendship.. not loyal.. go figure.

Most people on this earth piss me off, most of them I don't understand at all (dunno if that's part of my BPD) and can't be bothered with. I hate that so many people have become this way, which I believe is due to the increasingly self-orientated need that this modern age society dictates that we need to have.

What sucks is that I freak out a lot with anxiety and depression when I'm alone, which is a lot because I live alone! I'm desperate for company, but then when I get it generally these people piss me off and I feel like I'd rather be left alone.. but then once they've gone after about 30 minutes I'm lonely again.. anyone else feel this?

Plus, I've always felt like I wasn't meant to be human sometimes.. because I just don't understand how people operate and I never should have been part of a human society. I don't even understand the point of life sometimes..

I guess if people were decent, honest and loyal and weren't superficial pr*cks looking for the most crazy and 'random' people to be friends with, there'd be more hope. For now, I'll just continue to hope for an Old Testement-style flood from God so he can start again.. think it's been long overdue!