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mind is constantly changing...

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mind is constantly changing...

Postby dazedandconfused » Sun Sep 14, 2008 9:37 am

I think this drives me crazy the most..other than the abandonment issue. It affects every aspect of my life. One minute I'll invite my neighbor or someone over to talk or for company, the next I'm making up an excuse to get away from them cuz I don't want to be around anyone. One minute I love someone to death and the next I can't stand them. One day I set this goal or that goal and the next day I'm thinking of something else. It drives me insane. Also...does anyone else like just being alone? I thrive on that. I don't know if it's the disorder or I'm just not a people person but most of the time I'd rather be alone than with friends...unless it's my partner. I prefer to have her around me most of the time no matter what...but other people, no.
"This is getting old; I can't break these chains that I hold; My body's growin cold; There's nothin left of this mind or my soul" - Three Doors Down
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Postby Air Captain » Sun Sep 14, 2008 11:52 am

I posted a message like this a few days ago, and then deleted it.

Yeah. I'm sick and tired of my mind changing too. Constantly, on a daily basis. Never stops.

I also like being alone. But how can you be alone and really enjoy it if you don't even know who you are or what you like? (Rhetorical, I'm more asking myself). I want to be alone, and at the same time I fear it for those reasons.

If I'm going to be alone, I want to know who I'm going to be alone with (in my mind). If that makes sense...

Either way, even when I am with people; I'm still alone.

I guess you're lucky in a way that you have your partner. If you don't mind being with her, then you have one person who can help you be who you are inside and not feel completely frustrated around her like you probably are around others.
"Now I'm not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes"
- Walking in My Shoes~ Depeche Mode
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Re: mind is constantly changing...

Postby proverbialgirl » Sun Sep 14, 2008 3:34 pm

dazedandconfused wrote:I One minute I'll invite my neighbor or someone over to talk or for company, the next I'm making up an excuse to get away from them cuz I don't want to be around anyone. One minute I love someone to death and the next I can't stand them. One day I set this goal or that goal and the next day I'm thinking of something else.


What are you feeling before you change your mind? Part of the issue with us is that we have trouble connecting with our feelings or we feel overwhelmed by them, so we respond to unacknowleged feelings and seem to change (minds, values, fashion sense...) with no clear reason why.

It can be really scary to sit and just feel.
"It was then that Delirium noticed that she had absentmindedly transformed herself into a hundred and eleven perfect, tiny, multicolored fish. Each fish sang a different song." Neil Gaiman, The Kindly Ones
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Postby dazedandconfused » Mon Sep 15, 2008 12:13 am

True yes, I'm lucky to have her around but at the same time since she's the only one around me most of the time, other than my kids, she gets the short end of the stick cuz ALL of my feelings get directed towards her, even if they have nothing to do with her...but mostly the anger and I think that's the worst for both of us. Sometimes I don't even want to be around her though...80% of the time yes...the other %20 I'd prefer to just be left alone even though when I'm alone that's the worst torture cuz all I do is sit and think and THAT drives me crazy, too. And yes, even when I'm with her I still feel alone. I feel terrible cuz she feels helpless. She doesn't understand how I feel inside. She tries to help. One minute I love her to death and she's the best person in the world and the next I'm constantly finding something wrong with her or something she's done wrong when most of the time it's petty stuff. I make mountains out of molehills all the time
"This is getting old; I can't break these chains that I hold; My body's growin cold; There's nothin left of this mind or my soul" - Three Doors Down
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Postby Wise Guy » Wed Oct 22, 2008 12:02 am

Lots of people are self-contrary and have splitt impulses.
So I can have "love" and "hate" at the same time so I get apathic
or I feel one thing one and then the other.
But I don't have borderline, my mind is just decentralised because of my Aspergers and suffer from apathic regidity instead
which is occasionally replaced by obsessions.

I don't think that this attracting and rejecting persons is so bad for them as for you..
I think its because the borderlines sensitive makes it intense and if its intense its understandable that you suck people in and then spit them out.

Just an idea, a part of why it happens could be about dissappointments/ your special needs and stress how other people percieve you.
Every little social thing affect you a little bit and gradually the stress can
be so big it causes guilt for no reason and perhaps other self-conscious things such as disconnection perhaps.

And now, an question.

Do you have these "hugg them welcome and then kick them out" things
with people in general or with an closer circle of friend?

Maybe, an group of close friends could be more understanding
and accept if you avoid them periodically?
You maybe could build up an environment that mirrors your flexibility?
Last edited by Wise Guy on Wed Oct 22, 2008 1:58 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby SJ544 » Wed Oct 22, 2008 1:32 am

I know how your feeling. I have a close friend, we have made plans the past 4 weekends. I get excited, then the day of, I change my mind and come up with some reason why we cant hang out. I feel also also. I WANT to do stuff, but I just want to be alone.
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Postby wolfpup003 » Mon Nov 03, 2008 9:19 pm

i am terrible with changing my mind.
i am about to drive my family and husband crazy. i left my husband in March. the back and forth since then is really getting to everyone.
one day i want to be married to him and blame myself for the problems we had, and the next day i think he is a jerk and i am justified in divorcing.

papers have been sent to the atty and i have a month to make a decision and stick with it.
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Postby nicole_84 » Fri Nov 07, 2008 1:50 pm

I can completely relate to this!

I am extremely indecisive and then when I do make a decision about something I generally change my mind and have no idea whether i've made the right one.

Alot of the time its with jobs and career ideas. I think I have the perfect thing then nope it doesn't work out. Or seems so good for a few days then completely not what I want to be doing. I can get sooo excited and happy about a job and then it turns to sh*t.

In friend situations I often cancel on plans, especially people I don't see all that much. Maybe its to avoid them i'm not sure. Even though at the time I do want to see them. My close friends i'm not too bad with but I can get restless and want to do other things than planned or just have no idea what i'm wanting to do really, or get bored easily.

So glad i'm not alone in feeling this way.
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Re: mind is constantly changing...

Postby queenofwands » Mon Nov 10, 2008 7:59 am

dazedandconfused wrote:I think this drives me crazy the most..other than the abandonment issue. It affects every aspect of my life. One minute I'll invite my neighbor or someone over to talk or for company, the next I'm making up an excuse to get away from them cuz I don't want to be around anyone. One minute I love someone to death and the next I can't stand them. One day I set this goal or that goal and the next day I'm thinking of something else. It drives me insane. Also...does anyone else like just being alone? I thrive on that. I don't know if it's the disorder or I'm just not a people person...


First of all, yes, my mind changes constantly, too! It's awful.

I've been trying to make decisions based on gut instinct, and just go with whichever I've chosen. It's so hard, but it has been better than being crippled by indecision.

As for wanting to be alone...yes. Most of it is just being an introvert, but having BPD means that other people stress me out, no matter how much I care about them. I can only take my friends in small doses, a few at a time. :D

Sounds like you're an introvert too. I'm sure the BPD anxiety adds to your need for alone time.


most of the time I'd rather be alone than with friends...unless it's my partner. I prefer to have her around me most of the time no matter what...but other people, no.


I'm exactly the same way. My partner spends about 80% of her time with me, and I love having her around. But sometimes when friends call, I ignore the phone if I feel like I can't deal. :oops:
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Postby igda » Mon Nov 10, 2008 5:59 pm

I can so relate!! That is actually an aspect of BPD that I have had under control for a little while. My Dad actually said no one is really paying that close of attention anyway. He meant it as kindly as he knows how. I kept repeating this to myself--I would do this way even when I have had friends--and for some reason this one stuck after a while.

As for being alone I hate it and for me think it's necessary at the same time. I will not hurt anyone this way. My former Dr. thought that this was definantly a part of the illness that she also thought I really did not have :?

I think it's perfectly normal, BPD or not, to want to have one person around when they are your SO of any type. I do not know if you feel badly about this--I am too new here--but if you do I would say you are just fine!
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