Trouble Holding a Job

I got fired again.

I've now been fired from 5 of my last 6. I keep thinking I'll learn, I'll progress, I'll figure it out, but if the same thing keeps happening maybe I'm not, maybe I need to try something else.

My issues at work boil down to interacting with people. I'm usually a source of conflict unintentionally. And once I'm in a conflict I rarely back down for reasons that are best kept to a clinicians office because they are nuanced and long.

How do you guys keep up hope despite setbacks? I'm 31 and its about time I get this sorted out. Its frightening to think that I should be starting a career and with these personal challenges it makes it hard to have one.

Do people change? Can I learn to get along and play nice and live a nice, normal, boring life? I'd almost swear my dream is to become Peter in Office Space. Some guy who doesn't rock the boat, does enough to get by, and that works for a while.

This really annoys me for some obvious reasons and others maybe less so.

If I want to achieve something athletically, I know, how I know what I need to do, and I can do that. If I want to achieve something academically I know how to improve and meet standards. However when it comes to intrapersonal things,I'm just lost, and thats a terrible feeling knowing I want to do better but I'm just not sure how.

I used to get angry with my colleagues at my earlier work place. He would make fun of my skinny frame. Eventually I stopped talking with him and with others as well. Whenever I had to discuss any issue with the colleague, I would rehearse the conversation in my mind, calm down, and then approach the colleague.

Also it's important to vent. Even my colleagues would fight with each other and vent to me. So venting helps. One friend is all you need.

I don't think there will ever reach a time of perfection. I mean someone or the other will always trigger us. Now I stay calm and don't release my anger. We have limited amount of energy in our mind, so I don't want to waste it.

But still controlling the rage isn't easy.

Regarding career, I don't have any job. Have been unemployed for 10 months. So I understand the feeling.

But I don't think there will ever be perfect world. Venting helps so it's important to have people to vent to.

Thanks for the response. I think the biggest issue I have is the initial conflict. If I can become more aware of how others perceive me or something like that hopefully I can manage things before I get into that defensive cycle where I do get fired.

I also agree I need people to pass things by. My judgement isn't the best, I'm ok with that. Having people to pass things by with would be a huge help. Say they disagree with what I'm thinking, then I can change and adapt.

toddamus wrote:I think the biggest issue I have is the initial conflict.

me too. whenever someone provokes me by passing some snide remark or sarcastic remark at me, my mind gets confused.
should i ignore the comment n walk away
should i blast the person n confront him

i spoke with a friend and he said even he gets enraged at times. he said we all have a breaking point.

jaus tail wrote:

toddamus wrote:I think the biggest issue I have is the initial conflict.

me too. whenever someone provokes me by passing some snide remark or sarcastic remark at me, my mind gets confused.
should i ignore the comment n walk away
should i blast the person n confront him

i spoke with a friend and he said even he gets enraged at times. he said we all have a breaking point.

For me this is where BPD gets really terrible. I don't trust myself, I don't trust my intuition, I'm scared to tell someone I'm worried if I do tell someone I'll embarrass myself and I know I'm better off just letting it go but I'm having a hard time just letting it go.

It sucks

This horrible insecurity and lack of ability to self-regulate is usually what leads me to making things worse (because I'm defensive), and leads to me not being able to repair things (because I simply don't know how).

the thing i've realized is people don't get bothered easily. even if i fight with them, the next day they forget it and get over it. return to normal.

for me that is hard. i think that if i confront someone it's equivalent to killing the person and i hold the grudge forever.

that's not really the case. people fight and get over it. that's what everyone does. instead of holding grudges.