I was diagnosed with BPD a year ago, as well as Complex PTSD, Social Phobia and Depression. The past two years have been a real struggle, and I was starting to feel as though I had got a grip of it. How wrong was I!!
I am 24 and live at home with my mum and sisters, one of my sisters is my registered carer (not a great feeling but hey ho). It doesn't matter how much my family try to understand me and help me, I still feel unable to be helped.
My mood can switch quicker than the blink of an eye, happy and loving to hateful and irritated by everyone and everything. I could literally sit and cry right now, as I am so sick of feeling out of control.
I am on a wrestling forum and about 4 months ago, this guy replied too one of my posts and I'm not quite sure how, but we ended up exchanging numbers and began speaking on WhatsApp. We soon realised that we had a lot in common and shared this intense connection despite never actually meeting and were talking day and night.
I have told him everything about my life, including my personality disorder but i don't think he realises its as big a thing as it is - if that makes sense.
Anyway, fast forward to now, and many ups and downs and miscommunications, i feel asthough i am going out of my mind. everything is heightened in my mind and i just cannot cope.
Me and *Steve met up for the first time on 15th June 2017, and although it is the scariest thing i have ever done in my life, it felt so right. We walked for a bit (I brought my dog with me) and then just sat and talked for hours. He held me in his arms and it was all so lovely. I didn't get home till 12am!!
Since then, we have talked mostly every day, but i feel asthough something has changed. This is the first time i have been able to trust a guy due too my past (he knows this) and the range of emotions i feel in a day are really messing me up.
i keep asking when we are next going to meet and he just says 'Soon baby'... i feel like he doesn't want to know me, or I'm not good enough or something. He is also taking like 2+ hours too reply to a message and then when he does reply it feels cold and asthough I'm getting on his nerves. i try to clarify it with him and he overly reassures me, he has even told me that he loves me.
whats started to happen, is that my mood will dramatically drop if i don't hear from him for a while, and then it will go intensely over the top hyper as soon as i have a message from him.
Is this normal with BPD, this is all new too me as i have never even dated anyone before.
Am i being paranoid in thinking he doesn't care, or is it the Borderline talking..is there anything i can do to try and modify how i react, cope with things?
sorry for the long post