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how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

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how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

Postby thejan » Sun Jan 08, 2017 1:07 am

Sometimes i ask myself: how can they sometimes be so forgiving? if someone were to act like i sometimes do.. i would hate them. I would ruthlessly cut them out of my life... i would put them on ignore.

I often wonder why they can forgive me. It really puzzles me. I am not writing this to get sympathy, i just hope others have similar experiences.
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Re: how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

Postby Nightfure » Sun Jan 08, 2017 1:24 am

100% I feel this.

At least with one of my close friends, they're also pretty mentally ill, and we happen to not exasperate each other's symptoms. For the few other people I get along with, I'm really not sure.

What's even more confusing to me is when I think my reactions/actions are making it clear I'm not on good terms with someone, but then they're like "I forgive you because we're friends!" Even though I'm pretty sure we actually aren't.
Prof-Dx: BPD, GAD+Panic, ADHD, psychotic tendencies (delusions+paranoia)
Looking Into: Schizotypal PD, DPDR (or DDNOS)
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Re: how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

Postby ceruleanswan » Sun Jan 08, 2017 3:26 am

I also do not understand this AT. ALL.

Sometimes, it actually angers me because my fp, for instance, will tell me how her other friends will have been #######5 to her ... AND THEN SHE IS STILL FRIENDS WITH THEM! I don't understand how they (normal people, apparently) do that, and when I see someone doing that, I get sort of angry at them because my brain goes: well, do you bitch about me behind MY back that way and then act like everything is fine?

It makes me really paranoid!
OCPD, PSTD, with a few features of BPD...
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Re: how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

Postby flukeekulf » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:42 am

Darak was right about you people... To forgive is to forget, and not let every little thing get to you.
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Re: how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

Postby jerboa » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:58 am

I think it's because they just don't care as much, they aren't as strongly affected as a more sensitive person would be. They are more secure and don't have to be on guard at all times, so they have the luxury of being able to be forgiving.
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Re: how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

Postby jaus tail » Sun Jan 08, 2017 3:09 pm

jerboa wrote:I think it's because they just don't care as much, they aren't as strongly affected as a more sensitive person would be. They are more secure and don't have to be on guard at all times, so they have the luxury of being able to be forgiving.


true.
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Re: how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

Postby pleasnpetrichor » Mon Jan 09, 2017 1:28 am

thejan wrote:Sometimes i ask myself: how can they sometimes be so forgiving? if someone were to act like i sometimes do.. i would hate them. I would ruthlessly cut them out of my life... i would put them on ignore.


Funny...

I think the same except I'm the unforgiving one. I quickly judge people, condemn them for some fault or other, and then utterly lose respect for them, cut them out of my life, quit, etc. I'm just as harsh with myself for my mistakes.

I used think of this as "being ethical" and wonder at other people's complacency. It seemed to me they were just going with the flow for convenience sake instead of standing on principle. I used to think I was the only person alive who actually believed in anything.

I'm beginning to realize they were often right and I was wrong (or at very least unrealistic) and that life consists of a series of necessary compromises. I've begun to realize being rigid and unyielding isn't the answer to every problem.
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Re: how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

Postby jaus tail » Mon Jan 09, 2017 5:59 am

Even I used to think that I'm ethical, moral, like some Ayn Rand hero. That i dont need anyone's help.
Until i had to ask my friend to help me with taxes.

Had he been the one who asked me for help i would've passed some judgment like 'oh now you need my help'

i was desperate to be on some higher moral ground, but now i realize they were unrealistic.

on a recent trip, i was about to fall off the mountain while trekking n i cried for help. so then i was telling to myself 'oh now you need help. why? what happened to, 'i dont need no one.' '
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Re: how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

Postby Katy9591 » Mon Jan 09, 2017 7:38 am

Two possibilities occurred to me as to why people are forgiving: 1) They have a strong super-ego and/or 2) They are able to empathize or understand very well what the person is going through.

Of course that isn't an exhaustive list or anything haha, but that is what I would think is the reason behind them being forgiving.
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Re: how can some people be so.. FORGIVING?

Postby flukeekulf » Mon Jan 09, 2017 12:26 pm

Are you saying BPD's lack empathy...
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