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Borderline parent - borderline children?

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Re: Borderline parent - borderline children?

Postby oceane » Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:14 am

Casper wrote:Now before anyone starts a flame war, no, I'm not blaming my BPD on mommy and daddy.


I don't get why anyone in their right mind would start a flame war over this. In so many cases, I think people with BPD are 100% justified in blaming it on their parents, being as so many of us were abused, neglected, invalidated, etc, by them. If you were brought up like $#%^, chances are you're going to have a personality disorder or mental illness of some kind.

That said, I get nervous about *openly* blaming my parents online sometimes, just because it's so popular for people to demean and belittle those who "blame our parents" or even further "play the victim", which is stupid, because for those of us who were abused, we actually are victims. I'm still angry at my parents and I'm almost 30.
Diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, and Dependent Personality Disorder.
Survivor of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, recovered with CBT.
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Re: Borderline parent - borderline children?

Postby iate » Mon Jan 09, 2017 7:04 pm

Since there are no precise data and research about where the BPD come from, the scientists (and also mere people like us) can only make theories.

You know, personally, I perceive it like not everybody has the same inborn features - one has high mathematics potential, second do not have to eat a lot to be overweight, and the third one - well he can have relative high sensitivity. I think that BPD is a mix of genetic/inborn factor - meaning over-sensitivity and the environmental one. Not everyone who's very sensitive develops PD. I guess it also needs additional reason - like bad parenting for example.

So even if your child get the sensitivity from you (which is not known, genetic is not that simple, there are brown-eyed children from both blue-eyed parents) it does not imply that he'd have to develop BPD (or any other PD) himself.

And talking about researches - even if some of them proved that there is connection between having BPD parents and developing it oneself - no of them (at least from ones I've read) mentioned the environmental factor. My mother hasn't BPD, so it's quite hard to say from my point of view, but I can image that being raised by a parent with PD can influence child's mental health. Hence - it's not known if the "inheritance of BPD" is caused purely by biology or the disordered process of bringing up.

And from me a little consolation - pwBPD seem to have quite a good empathy. Also the therapy can help you to bring out the best of you. So, in a way, you can be better as a parent. Have better understanding. Last, but not least - even if your child'd turn to have a BPD - I know you don't wish to happen so, but IF it does - at least he'd have you, somebody who would understand him and give him support.
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Re: Borderline parent - borderline children?

Postby Erato » Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:56 pm

iate wrote:And from me a little consolation - pwBPD seem to have quite a good empathy. Also the therapy can help you to bring out the best of you. So, in a way, you can be better as a parent. Have better understanding. Last, but not least - even if your child'd turn to have a BPD - I know you don't wish to happen so, but IF it does - at least he'd have you, somebody who would understand him and give him support.


Thank you! That is a HUGE consolation right there.
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Re: Borderline parent - borderline children?

Postby triplemoon18 » Wed Jan 11, 2017 4:56 pm

Erato, if your child gets it, you will be the best person to help - my daughter was pretty pissed off when she was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism because she felt like no one understood her in the family, but now that my daughter and I both know we have BPD, she feels closer to me and is easier to calm down. She cannot say that I don't understand her because I do. We still have battles to get her to go to school or do chores etc. but you get that with any teen and parent.
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