BPD Reaction to BF & Neuroscience of BPD *TW*

It's so strange. Lately, I have been trying to be mindful of my emotions, actions and reactions. It's helped tremendously but there are other times where the BPD symptoms/traits are just too powerful. I take no comfort in it but it's kind of the only way I know how to be.

I remember reading and researching on some traits that I thought for the longest time was just me being crazy with no self esteem. *TW* Like for instance, when you're with your partner and you want to be the apple of their eye. Then you see them get enthusiastic about meeting up with a friend. Heaven forbid it's a person of the opposite sex. Or when they have fun or a really good time without you. My bf and I are long distance and in different times zones. Last night he went out to a concert by himself. He called me at the venue before the show began and all was ok. Then he reports that the show was amazing and that he jumped into the mosh pit with the lead singer and was singing on the mic with him etc. In one instance I physically felt my emotions change. Imagine an elevator descending at top speed. Just like that. I got moody. Jealous. I started to ask him stupid questions like 'why did you do that' 'was it fun'? I thought to myself....while I'm here stuck in limbo waiting for him to move in a couple of months, missing him and lonely....you're out in a mosh pit. Whoop dee doo!! Glad you're having fun.

I usually call him during my lunch breaks but I didn't want to speak to him. I was too upset and I usually don't do a good job in disguising my anger and jealousy. So maybe that was a good call on my part. Let the cloud clear first before I over react. I've been thinking is this irrational or rational thinking. I'm inclined to say that it's irrational but there is this visceral reaction to battle that saying "but he shouldn't be having fun without you". And what I've noticed is this BPD is so instinctual. Second nature to me.

I'm hoping to calm down by tonight so he'll have no clue that this was even an issue. I just find it so frustrating that these things affect us the way that they do. I've been reading a lot into the neuroscience of it all. There's research that shows that :

"Neurobiology can also be a cause of borderline personality disorder. MRI scanners have been used multiple times for a detailed image of the brain, and other parts of the body. In patients with borderline personality disorder, there were three parts of the brain that stood out during one MRI scan; the amygdala, hippocampus and orbitofrontal cortex. The amygdala regulates emotions, while the hippocampus helps regulate behavior and the orbitofrontal cortex helps plan and make decisions. Each of the three area’s regulations are all things borderline personality disorder patients have a hard time dealing with." [u]https://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/mental-health/borderline-personality-disorder-causes/
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This actually relieves me a little bit. It's like having high blood pressure or stones in one of your organs. Our organ...our brains...our lacking certain neurotransmitters for us to regulate properly vs others. So something small and benign for someone else will cause us to have suicidal thoughts. Of course this will make us appear like we are bat $#%^ crazy.

"Using functional magnetic resonance imaging, Donegan and others noted increased left amygdala activation in BPD patients when presented with a neutral face; this may be interpreted as amygdala hypereactivity. Overall, subjects with BPD have a biased perception or interpretation of emotional signals."

I found this study like the last one also relieving and interesting. This overwhelming feeling like we are crazy. How the pain never seems to end. The mental anguish is constant. Our reactions get us into trouble which in turn heightens are sensitivity and triggers us into disportionate reactions.

Overall, Im glad I'm not alone in this feeling or way of thinking. Let's be honest. It's a mental illness. Our brains have a disease that are not our faults. Just like people born diabetic. They have to watch they eat and take medicine. I'm not advocating meds although I do take a mood stabilizer (which has helped me tremendously) but it's our responsibility to "watch how we think"..."what how we react" and get all the help we can get. Sorry this sounds preachy...it's just I know my reaction to his show last night isn't right and I'm trying to talk myself off the ledge.

Yeah you are doing great if you are trying to calm yourself down before speaking to him. I know exactly how you feel with the elevator dropping feeling - you felt jealous that he was having a great time without you and it would bother most people - even those that are not BPD. Just try your best to act happy for him because of course being supportive of him doing something he found great is you being a great girlfriend.

I was trying to think if I would be supportive of it if it was me - I would have to try to be - I got to meet my favourite band Billy Talent and it was awesome and by BF at the time was really happy for me. Just think about how you want him to be happy for you if it was you and you should be okay.

Wait to talk to him once you have sorted these issues out because he really didn't do anything awful.

And I have been reading about studies and our broken brains too - it makes it so much easier to understand why we get so worked up easily.

Hi triplemoon18,

triplemoon18 wrote:Just think about how you want him to be happy for you if it was you and you should be okay.

This is so true. I feel so loved when he's excited for me. So I guess it's only fair for him to feel that from me

triplemoon18 wrote: you felt jealous that he was having a great time without you and it would bother most people - even those that are not BPD

This always interest me because the lines sometimes get blurred for me when I rationalize what is a normal functional way to react to something and when its BPD.

Thanks for the insight

I've read a lot of that research and more. It is quite fascinating. But, it isn't like having diabetes. You can't get a new pancreas so there's no cure for diabetes. But, there is a lot of research that shows you can make changes to the brain.

There is research to show for example that meditation or mindfulness can actually lead to changes in the brain. They did a load of scans on people before and after which included Buddhist monks who of course have spent their lives meditating. The brains scans showed actual changes in the brain.

There is also a raft of research on victims of brain injury that shows the brain can effectively re-wire itself to compensate for the parts that don't work (e.g. http://www.normandoidge.com/?page_id=1259 )

Of course the BPD research on the brain is in its early stages but I understand that they are now working to develop treatments that would target the brain deficits.

Recently I suffered a high blood pressure crisis (their term not mine) which you used as an example. But there are many things you can do to reduce blood pressure without taking medication. I did try the medication but it didn't work. So now I am doing other things and it is beginning to work.

I am not a doctor or a scientist and I certainly haven't studied all the research there is on the subject. What I do know is yes, people with BPD have brains that are different, but actually that isn't necessarily permanent. If you take obsessive thinking as an example - people with obsessive thoughts or habits develop special neural pathways in their brain to carry out those very same tasks, to the point that often they can become automatic. But, if you take action to break those habits those same neural pathways will in time die off and disappear.

Perhaps with the right treatments or therapy and with a lot of practise it might actually possible to alter the course of the BPD rather than just accept it as one might with diabetes. Of course I don't have any of the answers as to how you go about this, but looking at all the research it certainly seems a possibility.

remember ronni wrote:people with obsessive thoughts or habits develop special neural pathways in their brain to carry out those very same tasks, to the point that often they can become automatic. But, if you take action to break those habits those same neural pathways will in time die off and disappear

This is brilliant!! I feel like this is the only way we can truly cure our brains. Sure meds help take the edge off for us to hopefully concentrate but I can't see it being any other way. And this seems to be the hardest. To be truly mindful and MIND FULL...to be in the moment and accept that moment and to let things go. I'm not even close yet but Im browsing the area!!![/quote]

I started reading about neuroscience having suffered a brain injury in 2008. I was told that it might be permanent or I might make a full recovery they just didn't know. But the books and research I read told me that it was entirely possible, and in fact I did make a full recovery.

Some interesting books I read were these:-

The brain that can change itself by Norman Doidge (I attached a link in my previous post). He has written a subsequent book but I haven't read that one yet.

Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz - actually written for sufferers of OCD but explains obsessive thinking and how those neural pathways work.

Happiness by Mathieu Ricard - a French physicist who became a Buddhist monk. He talks about meditation but also the neuroscience behind those changes in the brain seen in those who meditate.

None of these books deal with the subject of BPD, though at the time I read them I wasn't diagnosed with that. Of course there is now research to show that those with BPD have brains that differ from the norm. There isn't a lot out there on how to correct that, but these books and other research on neuroscience certainly suggest it is very possible. For example brain scans carried out on people who have done DBT show changes in the brain that deals with emotional regulation.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4263347/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/artic ... lness.html

Not the greatest source of info the Daily Mail but again points to changes in the brains of those practising mindfulness.

So yes, we have different brains, but with the proper treatment/therapy that doesn't necessarily mean we're stuck with those BPD brains forever.

Hi Remember Ronni,

This is great information. Thanks!

I would love to read all those books and plan to. I feel like it's important. You're right, although these books may not be in regards to BPD with all the research I'm doing I'm finding out that one of the biggest keys to changing it is in our neuropath ways.

As complicated as that may sound at this point I'd give anything to help this disorder.

Thanks

I've just finished reading the book Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Lawson. Towards the end of the book it says :-

Although neuroscientists (Shore 1997) report that the lack of consistently warm, responsive care during childhood alters the brain's biochemistry, they have also discovered that the brain's plasticity allows new neural pathways to continue to develop in response to new situations and experiences. Changing false self-beliefs requires re-routing neural pathways.

Although borderline mothers and their children can benefit from the use of antidepressants and antianxiety medication, long-term therapy is needed to rewire neural pathways in order to perceive the self and the world more positively. The safety of a therapeutic relationship allows the real self to surface without the fear of being judged, criticized, or misunderstood

I only mention it because we were talking about those neural pathways and in this case it does relate to those with BPD. In this case therapy seems to be the key - and that would include things like DBT of course.