Do you tend to act impulsive when you're dead inside?

Do you tend to act impulsive when you're dead inside? I do. I usually end up doing something stupid or impulsive or risky or illegal just to try and feel alive. Anyone relate?

I just act impulsively. I rarely/never feel dead inside.

I never feel "dead" inside. I can be very impulsive, but it isn't in response to anything I can easily identify. I think a lot of my behaviors are tied to boredom.

I've never behaved impulsively because of feeling empty inside. It's been a case of just not considering the consequences or perhaps not caring because it seemed like a good idea/fun at the time.

However, I'm a boring old fart and don't behave impulsively these days.

I can see that happening with some PWBPD and have seen stories here where it does. Might be tied to how strong your sense of self is. Those with stronger identities don't feel as empty most of the time.

Foucault_me_slowly wrote:I just act impulsively. I rarely/never feel dead inside.

This.

NimplyDinply wrote:I can see that happening with some PWBPD and have seen stories here where it does. Might be tied to how strong your sense of self is. Those with stronger identities don't feel as empty most of the time.

Foucault_me_slowly wrote:I just act impulsively. I rarely/never feel dead inside.

This.

What is PWBPD? I don't really know if I have an identity or not.

Noca wrote:Do you tend to act impulsive when you're dead inside? I do. I usually end up doing something stupid or impulsive or risky or illegal just to try and feel alive. Anyone relate?

Yup. When the emptiness is at it's greatest, that's when I find myself doing 100 on the freeway with the windows down, no seatbelt. That's when I empty a bottle of vodka into my mouth. That's when I sleep with whoever's around. Just trying to fill the void.

voracious_lemon wrote:

Noca wrote:Do you tend to act impulsive when you're dead inside? I do. I usually end up doing something stupid or impulsive or risky or illegal just to try and feel alive. Anyone relate?

Yup. When the emptiness is at it's greatest, that's when I find myself doing 100 on the freeway with the windows down, no seatbelt. That's when I empty a bottle of vodka into my mouth. That's when I sleep with whoever's around. Just trying to fill the void.

Ah it's nice to know I'm not the only one who does this. Do you attribute that to BPD?

My impulsiveness tends to vary, just like everything else in my life. My self-destructive behaviours definitely increase when I feel that internal emptiness, but externally, I'm a roll of the dice during an empty period. Sometimes, I'll let the world walk all over me and just not care, while the next minute, I'll take someone's head off for just thinking of looking at me the wrong way.

Noca wrote:What is PWBPD? I don't really know if I have an identity or not.

People/person with BPD. And you do have an identity, even if you're not sure what it is, yet. We all do. Sometimes, that identity is just being a little fluid, that's all. As Patrick McGoohan once said, "I am not a number, I'm a free man!"...though I'm sure the local revenue agency would be willing to argue that point.

Noca wrote:

voracious_lemon wrote:

Noca wrote:Do you tend to act impulsive when you're dead inside? I do. I usually end up doing something stupid or impulsive or risky or illegal just to try and feel alive. Anyone relate?

Yup. When the emptiness is at it's greatest, that's when I find myself doing 100 on the freeway with the windows down, no seatbelt. That's when I empty a bottle of vodka into my mouth. That's when I sleep with whoever's around. Just trying to fill the void.

Ah it's nice to know I'm not the only one who does this. Do you attribute that to BPD?

I don't actually know if I have bpd, but I do have schizoaffective disorder and at the very least borderline traits which don't go away when my sza is stable, that I attribute the impulsivity/numbness thing to.