I'm hoping that someone else can relate to this feeling. It's the most bizarre and jarring thing to realize that your sense of reality was really just your brain warping things to be the way it wanted them to be and not how they really were. I feel incredibly confused and honestly a bit terrified thinking about just how convinced I was that my sense of what was happening was right.
To explain, I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and we talked about it in person tonight. In my head he was constantly letting me down and hurting me and it was time that I put my foot down on that dick. I talked to friends about it and told them that he was blowing me off and avoiding letting me meet his parents and a bunch of other things. In reality, he hasn't seen his parents in months and he was in urgent care for a neck injury. In my head, I wrote the things he told me off as stupid excuses, but they were legitimate reasons for why he wasn't doing the things I wanted him to do. I was just so pissed off that he wasn't doing what I wanted and wasn't meeting my needs that I split him and painted him black. The pain I was feeling being without him and the fear of him not wanting to commit to me were way more important than his literal pain or his family issues or a bunch of other things that got in the way of him meeting my needs. It's much more complicated than I can really type out right now, but I let my brain twist everything into a story that fit the right truth for me not the reality of the situation and that's scary.
So right now I'm honestly just looking for a little support and understanding. It's incredibly frustrating that I'm still dealing with this level of splitting after 2 years of DBT and an anti-psychotic, which has caused me to gain 30 lbs but apparently isn't doing as much good as I thought it was doing. Does anyone else sometimes feel like their brain just spins a web of lies that they get caught up in?