Our partner

My Boyfriend has been Diagnosed with Bpd

Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: lilyfairy

My Boyfriend has been Diagnosed with Bpd

Postby SparkilyGurl » Sun Nov 22, 2015 11:43 pm

My boyfriend of a year and 6 months has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. When we first started dating he was amazing, showering me with affection and love, gifts, meeting his family.. But ad the relationship progressed, i began to see the real him. Which i still truly love by the way. He has grown to be very hostile with me and can get angry very easily. When he does get angry its short but all hell breaks loose. Around maybe 15 minutes after he will feel totally terrible and applogize to me constantly. At the beginning of the relationship he would tell me how its impossible for me to get him angry, but now i seem to do it so easily. He also always focuses on the negatives about me. He showers me with beautiful gifts all the time but he rarely compliments me anymore- although he is still very affectionate, empathetic, and always reminds me that he loves me- he always focuses on my bad traits. Ive brought it up to him and he says he feels so awful for making me feel that way, that he truly feels even more for than when he first met me, and then starts crying out of his fear of losing me. He never seems all that happy to talk to me anymore but is very very clingy. His family came by recently and he got so excited about seeing them- which is good- but it took him two months just to send me a letter and as soon as his family came he immediately dropped me and started spending all his time with them and was working on building them a board game. He finished it the next day!! Yet he cant even go to his mailbox and send me a letter (i was away visiting family in egypt for awhile) for two months. It hurt me that he always immediately drops me whenever his family comes over. I never mention it to him i just pretend to be happy about it and he will always apologize saying things like oh i feel so bad i neglected you during that time i just got so busy etc. I dont know.. I feel like im not important enough to him anymore, anytime i bring it up to him it results with him in tears because he is afraid to lose me but the issue of how im feeling never really gets resolved its almost like he doesnt even acknowledge it or take it seriously at all. Im just really confused. Am i expecting too much of him, is he devaluing me because i know people with bpd do that. He told me im the one thing he never gets bored with. But im just really confused. Please help and thank you for your time.
SparkilyGurl
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2015 4:05 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 4:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: My Boyfriend has been Diagnosed with Bpd

Postby Leili » Mon Nov 23, 2015 12:53 am

I think some of this is just the normal progression of a relationship. He might not compliment you all the time but he shows you he cares by buying you gifts. And of course his family comes first. I find it hard to expend a lot of effort with people in different directions. I have to focus, but it doesn't mean I'm devaluing the other person. Don't let it become a constant topic of conversation or he may feel like he can't meet your needs and move on.
Leili
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 396
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2015 1:28 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 4:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My Boyfriend has been Diagnosed with Bpd

Postby SparkilyGurl » Mon Nov 23, 2015 1:01 am

Leili wrote:I think some of this is just the normal progression of a relationship. He might not compliment you all the time but he shows you he cares by buying you gifts. And of course his family comes first. I find it hard to expend a lot of effort with people in different directions. I have to focus, but it doesn't mean I'm devaluing the other person. Don't let it become a constant topic of conversation or he may feel like he can't meet your needs and move on.

Thanks so much for the advice loves. But are you saying im not as important as his family, and that he should love his family more than me? Isnt it a different kind of love tho?
SparkilyGurl
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2015 4:05 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 4:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My Boyfriend has been Diagnosed with Bpd

Postby green m+m » Mon Nov 23, 2015 1:05 am

and started spending all his time with them and was working on building them a board game. He finished it the next day!!


Why, that bastard!

This is why from now on I am only picking men without a family.
green m+m
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1854
Joined: Fri Sep 13, 2013 1:43 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 3:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My Boyfriend has been Diagnosed with Bpd

Postby Leili » Mon Nov 23, 2015 1:09 am

SparkilyGurl wrote:
Leili wrote:I think some of this is just the normal progression of a relationship. He might not compliment you all the time but he shows you he cares by buying you gifts. And of course his family comes first. I find it hard to expend a lot of effort with people in different directions. I have to focus, but it doesn't mean I'm devaluing the other person. Don't let it become a constant topic of conversation or he may feel like he can't meet your needs and move on.

Thanks so much for the advice loves. But are you saying im not as important as his family, and that he should love his family more than me? Isnt it a different kind of love tho?


Well, I think it depends on the state of your relationship and what his needs are. If he is healthier around his family, he should get that time in. If you guys are really serious, living together, talking about the future, then he needs to learn balance. At some point you absolutely become priority. I was with my ex for 12 years and I think it took 2 or 3 before he realized my place in his life. Even the we still had occasional struggles about his priorities. I do agree that 2 months is a long time to wait for a letter. But maybe he procrastinated because it hurt him that you were gone and he was trying to stay distracted.
Leili
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 396
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2015 1:28 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 4:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My Boyfriend has been Diagnosed with Bpd

Postby SparkilyGurl » Mon Nov 23, 2015 1:18 am

green m+m wrote:
and started spending all his time with them and was working on building them a board game. He finished it the next day!!


Why, that bastard!

This is why from now on I am only picking men without a family.

I know right!!

-- Sun Nov 22, 2015 8:20 pm --

Leili wrote:
SparkilyGurl wrote:
Leili wrote:I think some of this is just the normal progression of a relationship. He might not compliment you all the time but he shows you he cares by buying you gifts. And of course his family comes first. I find it hard to expend a lot of effort with people in different directions. I have to focus, but it doesn't mean I'm devaluing the other person. Don't let it become a constant topic of conversation or he may feel like he can't meet your needs and move on.

Thanks so much for the advice loves. But are you saying im not as important as his family, and that he should love his family more than me? Isnt it a different kind of love tho?


Well, I think it depends on the state of your relationship and what his needs are. If he is healthier around his family, he should get that time in. If you guys are really serious, living together, talking about the future, then he needs to learn balance. At some point you absolutely become priority. I was with my ex for 12 years and I think it took 2 or 3 before he realized my place in his life. Even the we still had occasional struggles about his priorities. I do agree that 2 months is a long time to wait for a letter. But maybe he procrastinated because it hurt him that you were gone and he was trying to stay distracted.

Thank you so much for your advice
SparkilyGurl
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2015 4:05 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 4:48 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests