which aspect of your BPD scares you the most?

jaus tail wrote:there was a case of drunk driving when a woman drove under the influence of alcohol, drove in the wrong lane and rammed her car to an incoming taxi.

it ended up in the death of two people in the taxi. the woman was jailed. for some reason i feel sorry for the woman. she had an apparently great job, n sort of apparently happy life with traveling to various places.

i feel sad that her whole life got ruined. though she is wrong but in the news they said she broke down at the police station n court. her life went down the drain.

I feel sorry for her too. I feel like the general public are unnecessarily harsh on this kind of person, as in they judge their character far too quickly and harshly.

Yes what she did was wrong, was extremely reckless, and had terrible consequences.
But If she was drunk driving and drove in the wrong lane? It's not like she tried to kill anyone, and being drunk, probably was overconfident and just thought "nah, it'll be fine". Had she been told sober that she was going to kill someone by drink-driving (by this I mean in a timey-wimey 100% this is happening way), she probably would've stayed clear of alcohol for a good amount of time.
She's probably wracked with guilt over manslaughter as it is, let alone having the entire world around her judge her as a merry murderess for it.

The fact I feel so alone...

I am married, and my wife does everything to support me the best she can, except I am a truck driver and when I'm away from home, the emptiness inside devours my mind, making me feel like I have nothing good in my life and there is nothing..

I'm afraid to need anything from anyone. I fear that my need is so great that if I ever do open that door, I'll drown the poor person trying to help me.

My BPD scares me when I reflect on my own impulsivity. It's so dangerous. I can't count the amount of times I have sped on the motorway, or on any road - because in that moment I just don't care and I feel like I need to do it.

Then there's the self harm, drinking shots until I feel sick, binge eating. It leaves me full of regret and I know it can be so damaging but I can't stop.

Hopefully DBT will help me get in control of this, but in the meantime I do worry about it. I don't feel in control of myself in those moments.

Currently, I'm most afraid of the impulsivity as I feel completely out of control and unsure what I will do. I also fear I'll be alone forever.

Right now my abandonment fears are scaring me the most. I'm so so in love and I'm terrified almost all the time. I feel so insecure and inadequate and I'm paranoid that she's only sticking around until someone better shows up and that I'll be tossed aside. If she cheated on me there's a chance I'd kill myself, and that's very scary because I have no control over what she does, and I don't want to be controlling. I'm trying so hard to keep myself together. It's just constant anxiety when I'm in public with her, like everyone wants her and she wants everyone else and I'm just next to her looking like an idiot. If she talks to another guy then in my mind she 100% likes him and he's better than me and I just get so depressed and scared. I've self-harmed over the paranoia several times, it just burns me up inside until I release it somehow. One little thing happens and I'll misinterpret it and feel sick the rest of the day and won't stop thinking about it and all the worst-case scenarios play in my head. Most of my fears are so stupid that I feel stupid for existing in this body with this brain that won't let me be happy with the perfect person. To make matters worse, I'm moving away in a week and we'll have to be long-distance for at least a year. I'm going insane, I'm so afraid for what it'll be like when I've actually moved. My abandonment fears and paranoia of her cheating on me/getting bored with me are so high already, I can't imagine what they'll be like when we're 6 hours apart 24/7...

Speaking of abandonment fears, does anyone else have a weird sadness knowing that one day you'll die and the relationship will be over no matter how long you stay together? The inevitability of it makes me depressed, I just want to be in this relationship forever. I feel like time's already running out, you know?

If you're afraid of anything, you won't defeat it.

That I am not able to trust my own mind,which is the only thing I really trust.

So many aspects of BPD scare me, and I think it's because they all interrelate.

Mainly it's idealization/devaluation though. Someone to me can be the most perfect being ever and I feel good because I will do anything for them. But I soon become possessive and pretty creepy (usually in secret though because they can't find out!!!), due to fear of abandonment, and I feel horrible. When they do one thing wrong, they are disgusting and horrible to me and I become even more horrible, even to the extent of being malicious. My identity shifts dramatically when I idealize/devalue people, and mood swings, anger and self harm all come into play. Because of this, I usually keep away from people and avoid making any connections with anyone, so no one will be hurt.

Identity disturbances also scare me because I am very inconsistent and contradictory. It's hard to manage life and anything involving people, since I either feel like I'm nothing (also links to emptiness), or I feel different all the time and I can't allow myself to be this way in front of others, otherwise they will hate me or get hurt or something. I'm also too scared to get a job because I don't know how to be one identity and keep it consistent so I can manage the job.

how many with BPD have a fear of being alone? Not alone as in single but physically alone in your home.