by amydrake » Mon Apr 13, 2015 8:08 pm
I do have a lot of trouble and it seems I always get involved with people who have mental ilness too. My english is not that good but I'll try to explain what's going on, I'm feeling really anxious and I don't know if someone can relate to this.
I've been seeing this girl and you know that feeling..."this is too good to be true". Too fast. Too soon.
She came to my city on vacation. We met and after 3 days she was already sending super cute stuff. A week and she gave me a gift. Songs, cute messages 24/7. I found it a little bit weird but you know, I didn't want to screw up everything just in the beginning...I really liked her. She is smart, pretty, we have a lot of common interests (and the list goes on...) .
Now it's been a month, she travelled to her hometown, spent only a week and came back to be with me. Or at least that's what she says. I'm suspicious that she has another girl hanging there on her hometown. And the way she talks about her friend's girlfriend really pisses me off. The girl is pretty messed up too, always fighting and getting back with her friend. When the four of us went out I noticed a weird look in the eye of both of them...like there's something going on that only them know. I thought, ok, I'm already being paranoid, no way they could do something like that. But the way my very-recent-partner talk about her is just...ugh. "She's super funny, oh this remind me of her, oh do you remember that day when she did this and that. I'm sad about her she seemed soooo sorry!" I mean...I don't give a $#%^. You should care about me. This made me really insecure. And sometimes she sleeps in her house and that...sucks. I can't trust her. Maybe she does all that on purpouse? Triangulation much?
I wouldn't care if she wasn't SO ROMANTIC and blablabla. She's even JEALOUS - but them she says "oh I know, I'm sorry, I can't ask you for something like this." Because she doesn't want me to be jealous with her, that's all. I said I wanted to take things slowly but she was almost offended.
Another thing she does and makes me super insecure and sad is that she loves saying i'm "crazy". Like, I'm just being me, fun, outgoing, talking any $#%^ that I want and she already put me in the crazy box. Why? It's disrespectful, I don't care if it comes with good intentions. "Oh, I have a tendency to love the crazy ones?" WTF? BIG RED FLAG HERE. Things are still...calm. It's like she already read me all over and knows I'm a little ###$ up, insecure, scared, lonely. Weird.
I know when someone is trying to f*ck with me. It happened too many times. And I don't want this to happen again. Should I just be less serious and enjoy even with all these cirscumstances?
I don't know...sometimes I just want to get out off her life before she does it. Because she will. How can I be in a relationship with someone who I won't see anymore. Or maybe in a year, I will. I will be literaly abandoned and this is a major issue for me already. I don't know how to cope with this, it's ######6 unfair. I want to run away...