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Having issues w/ relationships

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Having issues w/ relationships

Postby PurpleFlyingWhale » Thu Apr 09, 2015 4:20 am

So I don't know where else to turn to. i have bpd and and I have a lot of issues w/ relationships, my romantic relationships in this case. whenever I am in a relationship to destroy the relationship myself. I constantly change my opinions of that person and then am constantly trying to end the relationship bc I think they are going to abandon me and then when they stay w/ me I feel like I just manipulated them into staying.

on the other hand I can't bear being single. I feel so empty and useless when single, like I'm missing something. and it's very hard for me to find others to be in relationships bc I'm not straight and I just can't seem to find others who are also not straight. then I tend to cling on to relationships even when I don't even love the person I'm in a relationship w/ anymore.

I really need help on what to do bc either way I'm unhappy and just need advice.
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Re: Having issues w/ relationships

Postby AmorousDestruction » Fri Apr 10, 2015 1:09 am

That's pretty much the MO of BPD. Many people wouldn't be here if they knew the answer to that.

I've only gotten better with it since I started therapy and started learning more about my thought patterns and what feelings different actions evoked. I think one of the big things that helped me was forcing myself to be single for a while so I don't really NEED to be dating someone anymore. I spent 7 months single for all intents and purposes and I think it helped a lot.

You really should seek therapy, specifically DBT. No one on here is going to be able to tell you how to fix yourself. That's not really how it works. You need therapy to deal with all those issues.
Dx: Crazy bitch
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Re: Having issues w/ relationships

Postby bpdstruggle » Sat Apr 11, 2015 11:43 pm

I've lost so many friendships and relationships due to having BPD. People are scared of me quite frankly. I hate this disorder so much. I'm a 37 year old male with BPD, OCD and depression. The obsessions are the worst for me, then the depression. The paranoia comes and goes. I don't really suffer from splitting.
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Re: Having issues w/ relationships

Postby amydrake » Mon Apr 13, 2015 8:08 pm

I do have a lot of trouble and it seems I always get involved with people who have mental ilness too. My english is not that good but I'll try to explain what's going on, I'm feeling really anxious and I don't know if someone can relate to this.

I've been seeing this girl and you know that feeling..."this is too good to be true". Too fast. Too soon.
She came to my city on vacation. We met and after 3 days she was already sending super cute stuff. A week and she gave me a gift. Songs, cute messages 24/7. I found it a little bit weird but you know, I didn't want to screw up everything just in the beginning...I really liked her. She is smart, pretty, we have a lot of common interests (and the list goes on...) .

Now it's been a month, she travelled to her hometown, spent only a week and came back to be with me. Or at least that's what she says. I'm suspicious that she has another girl hanging there on her hometown. And the way she talks about her friend's girlfriend really pisses me off. The girl is pretty messed up too, always fighting and getting back with her friend. When the four of us went out I noticed a weird look in the eye of both of them...like there's something going on that only them know. I thought, ok, I'm already being paranoid, no way they could do something like that. But the way my very-recent-partner talk about her is just...ugh. "She's super funny, oh this remind me of her, oh do you remember that day when she did this and that. I'm sad about her she seemed soooo sorry!" I mean...I don't give a $#%^. You should care about me. This made me really insecure. And sometimes she sleeps in her house and that...sucks. I can't trust her. Maybe she does all that on purpouse? Triangulation much?

I wouldn't care if she wasn't SO ROMANTIC and blablabla. She's even JEALOUS - but them she says "oh I know, I'm sorry, I can't ask you for something like this." Because she doesn't want me to be jealous with her, that's all. I said I wanted to take things slowly but she was almost offended.

Another thing she does and makes me super insecure and sad is that she loves saying i'm "crazy". Like, I'm just being me, fun, outgoing, talking any $#%^ that I want and she already put me in the crazy box. Why? It's disrespectful, I don't care if it comes with good intentions. "Oh, I have a tendency to love the crazy ones?" WTF? BIG RED FLAG HERE. Things are still...calm. It's like she already read me all over and knows I'm a little ###$ up, insecure, scared, lonely. Weird.

I know when someone is trying to f*ck with me. It happened too many times. And I don't want this to happen again. Should I just be less serious and enjoy even with all these cirscumstances?

I don't know...sometimes I just want to get out off her life before she does it. Because she will. How can I be in a relationship with someone who I won't see anymore. Or maybe in a year, I will. I will be literaly abandoned and this is a major issue for me already. I don't know how to cope with this, it's ######6 unfair. I want to run away...
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Re: Having issues w/ relationships

Postby Private Joker » Mon Apr 13, 2015 9:03 pm

bpdstruggle wrote:Should I just be less serious and enjoy even with all these cirscumstances?


No

amydrake wrote:The girl is pretty messed up too, always fighting and getting back with her friend. When the four of us went out


Never ever do this. If you were a guy you would be castrating yourself, like getting your ovaries removed if you're a woman.


amydrake wrote:Should I just be less serious and enjoy even with all these cirscumstances?


There is nothing to enjoy, and you'd destroy your self esteem.

amydrake wrote: I want to run away...


Don't run, just terminate relationship. If you leave, you protect yourself, and its your first step in overcoming being as you say "insecure, scared, lonely and weird". If she leaves you got dumped. It's easy to say, harder to do, but you have to do it.
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Re: Having issues w/ relationships

Postby amydrake » Mon Apr 13, 2015 9:47 pm

Private Joker wrote:
bpdstruggle wrote:Should I just be less serious and enjoy even with all these cirscumstances?


No

amydrake wrote:The girl is pretty messed up too, always fighting and getting back with her friend. When the four of us went out


Never ever do this. If you were a guy you would be castrating yourself, like getting your ovaries removed if you're a woman.


amydrake wrote:Should I just be less serious and enjoy even with all these cirscumstances?


There is nothing to enjoy, and you'd destroy your self esteem.

amydrake wrote: I want to run away...


Don't run, just terminate relationship. If you leave, you protect yourself, and its your first step in overcoming being as you say "insecure, scared, lonely and weird". If she leaves you got dumped. It's easy to say, harder to do, but you have to do it.


Thank you so much. And thanks for making me laugh.
Funny thing is that I'm more mature now. I'm healing. I can see things very clearly, I think that's why something in my heart is telling me "this isn't right. You've been there. You suffered. Get out.". And for the first time in my life I was actually going pretty well with someone without panicking or falling in love too quickly. But she's not helping at all - and she's not a inocent little girl (she's 22, for christ's sake), I think she may be even provoking all this. She has that charming atittude of "oh I'm so dumb, pure and genuine, I'm an angel, I never felt like this with anyone before". I run from these people. The kind that behind the mask are really mean and play with your kindness. My ex was exactly like that, turns out she was a total psycho.
Yesterday she invited me to the park. Like, an hour before, she said the girls would come too and asked if I would mind. I just said I wasn't feeling well and stayed at home. Now things are very very weird between us and you know what...I'm good with my ovaries and self-esteem lol. I have a tendency to self-guilt because of everything that goes wrong or everything I feel. Like, I don't know if i'm reacting like a normal person. But I need to stop and trust my guts.
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Re: Having issues w/ relationships

Postby amydrake » Tue Apr 21, 2015 3:52 am

So I broke up with her (and I felt so relieved).
But she insisted so much in coming back that I just accepted her apologies (SO TYPICAL UGH). Though I find it really weird because my accusations were pretty tough I mean, If I were her I would be very pissed, I wouldn't love bomb or anything. Red flag when someone doesn't get angry when I'm being unfair.
Anyway, I can't handle this and I'll problably break up again.
I know this circle so well, I just wish I could break this #######5 pattern. I have the strength, but my loneliness ###$ me up everytime I guess. It's good to feel loved even if it's probably fake.
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Re: Having issues w/ relationships

Postby jabberwocky » Sun Apr 26, 2015 3:16 am

bpdstruggle wrote:I've lost so many friendships and relationships due to having BPD. People are scared of me quite frankly. I hate this disorder so much. I'm a 37 year old male with BPD, OCD and depression. The obsessions are the worst for me, then the depression. The paranoia comes and goes. I don't really suffer from splitting.


I could have written this myself...word for word. Except for the age.
"If you're gonna fight, fight like you're the 3rd lion on the ramp to Noah's Ark...and brother, it's starting to rain."
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