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"A lot of people seem to hate you."

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Re: "A lot of people seem to hate you."

Postby angelinbluejeans » Wed Mar 25, 2015 5:17 am

I always liked Eleanor Roosevelt's comment (a good one to remember):
that
    “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
I think that it is so important that we remember this when we are contending with so many things ...
'do not hold back good from those to whom it is owing, when it happens to be in the power of your hand to do it' "To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic ones"
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Re: "A lot of people seem to hate you."

Postby jaus tail » Wed Mar 25, 2015 12:01 pm

@angelinbluejeans: not meaning to offend you but people can make others feel inferior without their consent.

if a friend insults me or makes fun of me in front of a group of people just so others laugh at his joke, then i would feel bad n let down.

the opposite of it would be feeling indifferent. like i'd be indifferent to whatever anyone says about me. that's not good. i should stand up for myself to the friend or avoid the friend.

and to stand up to the friend for insulting me, i must want to defend myself n for that i must be affected by what unhealthy remark was passed towards me...

its like if i feel good when someone complements my new t-shirt, i'd also feel bad if a crow releases its droppings on my t-shirt, i'd feel bad if i werent invited at a party hosted by a friend. if my friends treat me like food n say 'oh in friendship we're supposed to have a sense of humor' then i would feel left out n wonder whether something's wrong with me.

surrounding myself with people who are good for my well being is helpful :)
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Re: "A lot of people seem to hate you."

Postby angelinbluejeans » Wed Mar 25, 2015 1:57 pm

jaus tail wrote:@angelinbluejeans: not meaning to offend you but people can make others feel inferior without their consent.
I was not offended. I only meant that we cannot always wear our feelings on our sleeve, as it it were. That sometimes we need to develop thicker skin and be less easily affected by what others say or do, which can be easier said than done...

...if a friend insults me or makes fun of me in front of a group of people just so others laugh at his joke, then i would feel bad n let down.

the opposite of it would be feeling indifferent. like i'd be indifferent to whatever anyone says about me. that's not good. i should stand up for myself to the friend or avoid the friend.

and to stand up to the friend for insulting me, i must want to defend myself n for that i must be affected by what unhealthy remark was passed towards me..
I do agree that sometimes it is important to defend ourselves, other times walk away; and, yet other times, we may need to decide whether what they have to say is reasonable or not and if we need to make some adjustments accordingly. And, besides, isn't there some expression (to the effect of): 'no matter what you do or say 50% of the people are going to like you and 50% of the people are going to hate you'?....right?
'do not hold back good from those to whom it is owing, when it happens to be in the power of your hand to do it' "To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic ones"
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Re: "A lot of people seem to hate you."

Postby madjoe » Wed Mar 25, 2015 5:11 pm

just make them lol and call them suckers
you hate me but still you lol

or pretend that you don't understand and they'll think you are crazy so you can get away with a lot more

or confess and tell them you will try to do better (veryone likes a bad person wanting to change because they want to be able to change themselves and if you can do it gives them hope)

or just get some new friends
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Re: "A lot of people seem to hate you."

Postby GuyNewToThis » Thu Mar 26, 2015 4:54 am

Reading a lot of scary things that I see in myself. Question: how do you develop the coping skills / behavior modifications to be less conflict oriented? My mind is chaotic and combative, even when I'm alone. It's hard to get any peace.

New to this forum. My first post.

Thanks.
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Re: "A lot of people seem to hate you."

Postby letha » Thu Mar 26, 2015 5:08 am

You know, 99% of the people I'm around, I have no say in. I can't choose who I work with, or for, or who the patrons are. I can't choose who I encounter every day. I can't choose who I have to deal with out in the world. I can choose to also be around other people... but I don't. I'm so entirely sick of everyone that I choose to be alone, when I have a choice. Even on my breaks at work, I'm surrounded by people. I can't leave. I can't hide. I can't get one moment of silence or solitude in my 12 hour work day. So, I'm not about to spend my time off with anyone else.

And no... at this point, I don't want to be "good", or liked... I have given up on that idea. I've tried, and.. I'm just not that person. I've tried to make friends, but I've never been a good friend. I get tired of people. I don't care about them enough. It's obvious why things turn sour. Or just drop off.

At work, around those who I have no choice to be around? I've made so many enemies I've gotten transferred 4 times in 4 years because I couldn't get along with people. In one place, 12 out of 15 coworkers made verbal or written statements about me to get rid of me. Some of these people, I thought we were good... one, I even thought was a friend. That hurt. This was over 2 years ago. And I made yet more enemies at the next two places I was transferred to. Where I am now... over half of the employees have quit. And I wonder how much my presence played a part in that.

Now, I don't feel bad because they don't like me... I probably like them even less... but I feel bad because I'm unlikeable. Even though I know it's my own fault. I wish I could just wake up a different person. One with family, and friends who cared about me... who I cared for as well. But I can't care enough to cultivate relationships like that. I try. I've tried to force it... but at the end of the day, I know it's not genuine. I don't care how their brother is doing in school, or what they did on the weekend, or anything else. How can I expect them to care about me?

I used to have in-laws... well, I have a new set of in-laws, but I've never met them. The old in-laws though... they were a big family, and very close. They made me a part of their family... regardless how socially inept I am. It was good enough just to be married to a relative. It was nice... it was like, waking up one day with friends and family who cared about me. They'd remember my birthday, buy me gifts, ask me how I was doing, even stayed at my bed when I was in the hospital. Regardless if I reciprocated their efforts. I wish I could still have that. But that's not feasible. Or even fair. I take more than I give, and I don't have it in me to give more.
"I have seen too much, felt too much, loved too much in my life; I come to seek, still living, the calm of Lethe. Lovely place, be for me those banks of oblivion: to forget is my only happiness."
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Re: "A lot of people seem to hate you."

Postby angelinbluejeans » Thu Mar 26, 2015 3:09 pm

GuyNewToThis wrote:Reading a lot of scary things that I see in myself. Question: how do you develop the coping skills / behavior modifications to be less conflict oriented? My mind is chaotic and combative, even when I'm alone. It's hard to get any peace.

New to this forum. My first post.

Thanks.
Hey! Guy, I'd like to understand you more...
'do not hold back good from those to whom it is owing, when it happens to be in the power of your hand to do it' "To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic ones"
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Re: "A lot of people seem to hate you."

Postby GuyNewToThis » Fri Mar 27, 2015 4:29 am

So continuing on the subject letha started:

People often hate me too, but I get why. People often try to connect to me but I'm guarded and standoffish. People think I'm snobby, feel rejected then resent me. It only becomes a problem when they gossip about me b/c I get injured and treat them like vermin going forward, exacerbating the problem.

Btw, didn't expect this but that first post of mine was quite cathartic, like a burden removed. I wonder if I should start therapy? Maybe group. Thoughts?
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Re: "A lot of people seem to hate you."

Postby justagirl00 » Fri Mar 27, 2015 6:48 pm

GuyNewToThis wrote:So continuing on the subject letha started:

People often hate me too, but I get why. People often try to connect to me but I'm guarded and standoffish. People think I'm snobby, feel rejected then resent me. It only becomes a problem when they gossip about me b/c I get injured and treat them like vermin going forward, exacerbating the problem.

Btw, didn't expect this but that first post of mine was quite cathartic, like a burden removed. I wonder if I should start therapy? Maybe group. Thoughts?


Guy its exactly the same way with me. I'm very standoffish in person. It comes from being afraid of rejection I guess, I'm afraid that as soon as the person starts talking to me or gets to know me better, they will not like me and then start avoiding me. I would hate that. So I just keep myself separate and apart from others. I'm very socially awkward I guess. But people interpret it that I'm a snob I think or I don't like them. It sucks. Then they resent me too I guess. A lot of this sounds like AVPD stuff too.
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Re: "A lot of people seem to hate you."

Postby madjoe » Mon Mar 30, 2015 8:08 am

the more ppl that hate you the better stands you have
look at it this way do you want a bf/gf that only wants you or someone that wants everyone?
the person that only wants you ofc beacause that's what makes you feel special

if you are a charming manipulative ashole like me veryone loves you
now those are the ppl you don't want to trust
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