I have to wonder sometimes, what the point of all this is.
I wanted to kill myself, went to a mental hospital - they gave me drugs, and a new way to look at life. I marched out of there with my new viewpoint and my calmed mind, and was ready to tackle the world.
Then, all the reasons I wanted to kill myself started to reappear: I feel disconnected from the world; I feel like I don't relate to anyone else. The politicians and governments don't really care about us. We're destroying our environment, people are killing each other, my pay is way too low, I don't have energy to change my life, I have no interest in the things others are interested in, nothing makes me happy, people are rude judgmental, and, and, and…I have no love or hope for anything or anyone in this world. I have nothing in my life to even smile for.
I can think of a million reasons to kill myself and only 2 or 3 reasons to live.
What's the point of living? We will all die anyhow. Whats the point of therapy? Just to go back into a sick world, with rose-coloured glasses on. Why should I keep trying to live a life, that I don't want? Why try to heal, when those around me, don't care? Why does my family and friends beg me not to kill myself, then continue to do the things that made me want to die? Why? why? why?
Meh…I don't even know what I'm writing about anymore. I'm angry, depressed, and I have nobody to talk to. My psychiatrist said "don't come back" my family says "we're not equipped to handle you" my friends say "dude get over it". ######6 hell. I just don't know why I should try to change. My drugs are clearly not working. I'm depressed and angry, and I'm on seroquel AND citalopram.