BPD - Rules/Guidelines to live by

think of the consequences before acting impulsively - think short term decisions vs long term consequences
-when interacting with people, consistency is key.
-try to stay calm and think rationally.. rational thinking > emotional thinking
-try to be aware of past interactions with people to maintain consistency.
-a lot of the time you'll feel like you have to fake it - fake interactions, fake emotions, fake giving a $#%^ about something meaningless to you..but that's okay, because you can't help if you don't feel the same about a situation as other people do.

one wouldnt have BPD if one COULD do this.............

... Or someone can have BPD, and LEARN to do those things. The same way people learn to wanna be helpless, except actually applying effort.

Another rule/guideline: "I can't" is only an excuse.

Lucinda wrote:

think of the consequences before acting impulsively - think short term decisions vs long term consequences
-when interacting with people, consistency is key.
-try to stay calm and think rationally.. rational thinking > emotional thinking
-try to be aware of past interactions with people to maintain consistency.
-a lot of the time you'll feel like you have to fake it - fake interactions, fake emotions, fake giving a $#%^ about something meaningless to you..but that's okay, because you can't help if you don't feel the same about a situation as other people do.

one wouldnt have BPD if one COULD do this.............

I'm sorry, but I don't agree with that statement at all. To me that is saying one with BPD *cannot* change, and I don't buy that for a moment.

Unless if you meant to say that if one *could* do those things, they in effect would not have BPD because they would be in recovery. Then I would agree.

blank identity wrote:

Lucinda wrote:

think of the consequences before acting impulsively - think short term decisions vs long term consequences
-when interacting with people, consistency is key.
-try to stay calm and think rationally.. rational thinking > emotional thinking
-try to be aware of past interactions with people to maintain consistency.
-a lot of the time you'll feel like you have to fake it - fake interactions, fake emotions, fake giving a $#%^ about something meaningless to you..but that's okay, because you can't help if you don't feel the same about a situation as other people do.

one wouldnt have BPD if one COULD do this.............

I'm sorry, but I don't agree with that statement at all. To me that is saying one with BPD *cannot* change, and I don't buy that for a moment.

Unless if you meant to say that if one *could* do those things, they in effect would not have BPD because they would be in recovery. Then I would agree.

Do you think someone with BPD can accomplish permanent change for the better? I have my doubts ( hope I am wrong...)
- One can never be prepared /trained to deal with the randomness of triggers Life may throw up in my opinion.
- Statistically , it is not easy to treat. . . . . .
- I think BPD behaviour is something one with the disorder will always revert to in times of crisis/challenge.....
As I say Just my thoughts....but I cant imagine anyone in a 'triggered' situation remembering ''the list'- and lets face it , relationships with others offer a 'walking minefield 'of triggers.

Lucinda wrote:Do you think someone with BPD can accomplish permanent change for the better? I have my doubts ( hope I am wrong...)

Just my opinion, but I think recovery is an ongoing, lifetime process. I don't think there is any "cure" but just recovery. Much like an alchoholic will always be in recovery even if they stay dry for the rest of their lives. It's something you have to maintain.

IMO.

blank identity
Just my opinion, but I think recovery is an ongoing, lifetime process. I don't think there is any "cure" but just recovery. Much like an alcoholic will always be in recovery even if they stay dry for the rest of their lives. It's something you have to maintain.

I think you're right about ongoing recovery. There is no quick fix and it requires a lot of effort to change, and it requires even more effort to maintain these changes through the worse days but i believe long term changes can be made (even if very slowly) that will help with being able to cope.
I am yet to find rules to live by/coping mechanisms that actually work during those $#1T storm days,may my search continue...

Hope y'all are having a good day

blank identity wrote:

Lucinda wrote:Do you think someone with BPD can accomplish permanent change for the better? I have my doubts ( hope I am wrong...)

Just my opinion, but I think recovery is an ongoing, lifetime process. I don't think there is any "cure" but just recovery. Much like an alchoholic will always be in recovery even if they stay dry for the rest of their lives. It's something you have to maintain.

IMO.

It's certainly better than accepting defeat. If you can claim a 25% success, then that is 25% better than 0% which is still a good move and a win for you.

Another rule/guideline: "I can't" is only an excuse.

Beautiful.

I really don't like the word "can't" what it really means, is that the other wants to see you fail.

Laugh, bitch.

who38 wrote:Never follow rules/guidelines.

ahhahah! master of that one

blank identity wrote:

Lucinda wrote:Do you think someone with BPD can accomplish permanent change for the better? I have my doubts ( hope I am wrong...)

Just my opinion, but I think recovery is an ongoing, lifetime process. I don't think there is any "cure" but just recovery. Much like an alchoholic will always be in recovery even if they stay dry for the rest of their lives. It's something you have to maintain.

IMO.

I agree with you. There is just a "recovering" state.
I do no longer fullfil BPD DSM criteria. That means I have stopped the acting out behavior. The acting out involved also severe substance and alcohol abuse and all. I lived it full blown for over 10 years and It took me the next 10 of intense work on myself to get as I am now…

Am I cured??? on the outside for sure (apart from a few scars that give me away at times). I lead a kind of functional life. I am very high functioning.

Is the pain gone? NO. Is the void filled? NO. I just tend to implode instead of exploding, mostly for the sake of my kids as I am terrified if they would experience what I did as a child. That keeps me in check.

But I cry alone many nights. When they sleep, some times the bottle comes out and I drink myself sadly to oblivion to stop the thoughts, to stop the pain.

It does not happen often. Actually, it happens less often now.

Am I cure? No. I am still a sucker for love. And now my marriage is crumbling under my now silent but violent passions. I no longer scream and assault people but I am still not tamed.

Am I cured? NO. I fit in better within society and even (sometimes) manage a chit chat with the yummy mummies. But I am still a loner.

Am I cured? No. In fact I am in relapse after a few years of pseudo stability and while I just diverted all my anger in getting a master degree…in psychology.

Am I cured? No ######6 no. but IT DOES GET BETTER and at some point … I accept it. My life as been less ordinary so far… I meet less ordinary people. Thanks to this experiences I see reality in a different way. It can be an enriching experience.

Will the pain ever stop? NO. But it does get better. With the acceptance comes relief.

sorry for the confusion. black cat