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Keeping up with the Joneses

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Keeping up with the Joneses

Postby madjoe » Tue Jul 08, 2014 5:48 am

" is an idiom in many parts of the English-speaking world referring to the comparison to one's neighbor as a benchmark for social caste or the accumulation of material goods. To fail to "keep up with the Joneses" is perceived as demonstrating socio-economic or cultural inferiority. (wiki)

do you feel te need to compair yourself to the rest of your neighbors? (/friends)
what effect does that have on you?
relationships?
work?
hollidays?
hobbys?
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Re: Keeping up with the Joneses

Postby jaus tail » Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:57 pm

yup i compare a lot...

the effect it has is it makes me believe that some super powerful entity/god will look at me and 'bless' me with good luck.
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Re: Keeping up with the Joneses

Postby AmorousDestruction » Tue Jul 08, 2014 3:36 pm

I don't. On the outside I have everything - apartment in Manhattan, Ivy League education, upper middle-class background, and a hot SO who I just smirk at while watching other women hit on him. In terms of socio-economic status and social status, I am lucky.

But on the inside, my mind is a chaotic mess of confusion and pain.

My SO is low SES and social caste. He's an immigrant and was borne to nothing in one of the most violent cities in South Asia. He was a high school dropout who worked in fast food when he came to the US, but used his intelligence to gain a full-ride scholarship to undergrad and acceptance into a fully funded PhD program. But he's still poor and struggles to make rent with no familial financial support. He is constantly reminded that he's seen as inferior through regular experiences of racism that I as a privileged white girl have only seen while with him and have heard through his stories.

But internally, while he still sometimes struggles, he has reached a level of inner peace and comfort with his demons and mental illness that I can only dream of.

What's on the outside doesn't matter. Money and status mean nothing in the end. Happiness can't be gauged from the external and definitely not from f*cking facebook, as that's usually the medium for social comparison.
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Re: Keeping up with the Joneses

Postby youneverreallyknow » Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:57 pm

I think everyone makes comparisons to a degree. It's hard not to. So many parts of life are about how you compare or perform in relation to others. I don't think I get too caught up in material things though. I'm not financially well off at all, but live in an area where there are a lot of very wealthy people. It's hard sometimes to not get a bit jealous when you have to listen to people talk about where they are holidaying this summer, what new stuff they've bought etc, when you haven't been able to afford a holiday in years and pretty much live week to week.

But I feel like that is more being jealous of the experience (like the holiday) rather than feeling like it is some sort of competition of accumulating wealth or material goods. I get a bit angry sometimes too because it can feel as though people are rubbing it in your face, when they are (probably) just making conversation. Because at the same time I can appreciate I'm very fortunate. I live in a developed country, have a roof over my head, a job, access to food and clean water. In the grand scheme of things, I'm very well off.

I think I make comparisons often when I'm unhappy with my own circumstances. Like I look at other people's relationships and wish I had ones like that. I look at other people's jobs and am envious of how much satisfaction they seem to get from it. I always get reminded that 1) making comparisons is unhelpful to me because it's not accepting how things are and focusing on what is in my control and 2) you can never tell from the outside what it is really like for that person. Are they really happy with their relationships, holidays, job etc? Or are they just presenting that to the outside world? I know I present normality to the outside world. Just because they have heaps of money do they have an easy life? Not necessarily. But money can certainly help when you don't have enough. A psychiatrist asked me once if I thought I'd be happy if I won the lottery. My answer, no I doubt I would be. I'd just have more opportunity for distractions.

I think it's human nature though to make comparisons. I guess the time when it is unhelpful is when you get really caught up in it.
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Re: Keeping up with the Joneses

Postby Lucinda » Wed Jul 09, 2014 11:22 am

madjoe wrote:" is an idiom in many parts of the English-speaking world referring to the comparison to one's neighbor as a benchmark for social caste or the accumulation of material goods. To fail to "keep up with the Joneses" is perceived as demonstrating socio-economic or cultural inferiority. (wiki)

do you feel te need to compair yourself to the rest of your neighbors? (/friends)
what effect does that have on you?
relationships?
work?
hollidays?
hobbys?


Nope..I have never been inflicted with that. I bought a cottage once on the 'bad' side of town cos it bordered a national park, had oodles of wildlife etc....which was more important to me than status.
i sold it recently to relocate....
It made perfect sense at the time , but I now feel doubt creeping in, and hope it wasnt yet another impulsive move that i will regret...( sigh )...
''Life is not a task. There is absolutely nothing to attain except the realisation that there is absolutely nothing to attain.''
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Re: Keeping up with the Joneses

Postby WendyTorrance » Wed Jul 09, 2014 12:46 pm

madjoe wrote:do you feel te need to compair yourself to the rest of your neighbors? (/friends)
what effect does that have on you?
relationships?
work?
hollidays?
hobbys?


Never, don't understand why would I.
I'm from middle class family, but since my fathers company bankrupt. I have pretty much been on my own. Paid my own phone bills since I was 16. Working aside of studying. (studying itself is free over here) We have a nice social support system, never took a dime.
I have a job, a degree - mostly just a piece of paper. Always got the kind of job I wanted.
Atm I live on a wealthy neighborhood, without being wealthy myself. I mostly just feel sorry my neighbors. And their lives in a box.

Relationships are hard sometimes..well ok, most of the time :mrgreen:
But there's no envy.

Comparing, envy, hate = waste of time.

madjoe wrote:material goods

###$ that.
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Re: Keeping up with the Joneses

Postby Caribee4me » Wed Jul 09, 2014 5:02 pm

When I was able to work and earned a nice salary at a great career, I never compared myself with anyone. It is only since becoming disabled and living off of so little money that I have fallen into this comparison trap. I feel jealous and ashamed and it's a #######5 way to feel all the time. I can only see an end to it if I can start earning good money again. Otherwise, I remain resentful at myself as a failure. I try to look at things with gratitude, but at my core I don't feel great about how much less of everything I have now, and I fear greatly for retirement. It's gonna suck being old and poor. Wasn't what I had planned out for my life, so it's difficult to accept this new reality.
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Re: Keeping up with the Joneses

Postby thebetterhalf » Wed Jul 09, 2014 5:12 pm

No i dont care about outward apperances, as im my clothes or my things that people can see outside my home. I do take care of my stuff, but a perfectly green lawn, who cares. I live in my house not outside of it. Oh no weeds in my yard. BOO Hoo. I work for livivng and i dont have time or money to care about trivial things most normals care about.
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