Telling Your Loved Ones

Hi Everyone,

I'm newly diagnosed: Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder.

I'm wondering if any of you are willing to share some wisdom about how I can tell my family and friends, and teach them about my mental health conditions. Any success stories? Things to avoid? Good resources/reading material?

Thanks in advance!

Warmly,
Chelsea

Hey there. I know I already sent this to your other posts on this but just wanted you to be sure to get it so I am replying the same thing to all of them. I hope that is OK.

Hi there Chelsea.
I actually haven't really told my family any of my diagnoses other than the one that they know about (ADHD) as I was diagnosed at age 9 and thus they would know about it since they were with me.
I am not sure how to tell them you see. As they would refute my past and say that nothing bad happened... Some of the things are things that they did themselves but wasn't intentional per se. And plus, they wouldn't believe me if I told them of the PTSD and dissocitation.
I have came very close to telling them. It would be easier to explain away the forgetfulness and 'going blank'. It would explain the hyper-vigilance and fear...
But I doubt they would believe any of it.

But your situation could very well be entirely different than mine. Your parents might not have had anything to do with your abuse in any way. In which case I would say that if you want to tell them, then by all means tell them. Tell them if you feel it would be beneficial to your recovery.
You are not obligated to tell them but you can if you want.
Perhaps sit them down and tell them you need to talk about something serious with them. Be sure they understand how important telling them this information is and that you need them to try their hardest to be supportive and understanding because it will help you a lot.

If/when you decide to tell them, I will be pocket riding all they way!
I care and understand.
You are not alone.
Blessings and support. ♥

I haven't told my family cause they are partially responsible for it.
Also many people don't believe in pd. They think depression is just an excuse to whine, so what's the point.

It's not their fault and I've realized to share problems with people who can help me. I got tremendous help from this forum.

I told my family and figured "if they give a remote $#%^ they'll google about BPD themselves". My dad asked me a thing or two about BPD (no more, literally), my mom and sister didn't ask me squat about it. Oh well, my family is toxic as hell anyway.

As for my friends, telling them just came naturally really. I don't have many friends who are close enough anyway, and 1 of them is a pwBPD herself and one is suspected to be an NPD.

What I did learn is that I'm better off not going around telling people I just met about how I have BPD. The diagnosis apparently means more to some people than it meant to me, some will immediately start viewing you differently.

Chant2012 wrote:

Hi there Chelsea.

Hi Chantel, thanks for the words of encouragement. It's the dissociation part that makes me feel compelled to disclose. I feel like it would improve my self respect for those around me to know that I'm not ignoring them or don't care enough to pay attention.

-- Tue Apr 15, 2014 8:12 pm --

jaus tail wrote:I haven't told my family cause they are partially responsible for it.
Also many people don't believe in pd. They think depression is just an excuse to whine, so what's the point.

It's not their fault and I've realized to share problems with people who can help me. I got tremendous help from this forum.

Jaus, I hear you. I'm sorry that your family is partially responsible for what you're currently struggling with. I'm with you on this one. In part, I feel like disclosing to my mom will help make her accountable for her mistakes.

-- Tue Apr 15, 2014 8:15 pm --

Roeligan wrote:I told my family and figured "if they give a remote $#%^ they'll google about BPD themselves". My dad asked me a thing or two about BPD (no more, literally), my mom and sister didn't ask me squat about it. Oh well, my family is toxic as hell anyway.

As for my friends, telling them just came naturally really. I don't have many friends who are close enough anyway, and 1 of them is a pwBPD herself and one is suspected to be an NPD.

What I did learn is that I'm better off not going around telling people I just met about how I have BPD. The diagnosis apparently means more to some people than it meant to me, some will immediately start viewing you differently.

Roeligan, my concern in letting my friends and family do their own research is the amount of stigma attached to a diagnosis like BPD. I want to direct them to impartial and reassuring information about my disorders, and not scare them with all of the extreme content there is out there. I want to actively help shape their understanding of what I'm going through. But, of course, this is all fuelled by a fear of abandonment which clouds my judgment as to whether or not it's actually healthy to be doing all of the work for them.

jaus tail wrote:I haven't told my family cause they are partially responsible for it.
Also many people don't believe in pd. They think depression is just an excuse to whine, so what's the point.

I'm the same with my parents/that part of my family. I don't expect any understanding or support from them and I believe that's a huge part of the reason why I am where I am today. The more I've discovered though, the harder it is to be civil with them, but in my case I still believe telling them would be more harmful for me than beneficial. That's not even talking about BPD, I wouldn't share the depression part with them either.

The only people I've told are my husband and one friend. I regret telling the friend because they really didn't get it, although we just never discuss it anymore. Obviously my husband needs to know. He kept it to himself for a long time, but as time has gone on, I know he has told his friends and some of his family too. I hate that. I struggle a lot with trust, so like to share things when I am ready to. I know it shouldn't, but it makes me feel awkward around them because they probably don't understand it either and I don't really want to have to talk to them about it.

I think it's best to decide based on what it is you want/expect from telling someone. If you want their support and believe that they are capable of understanding and giving support, then there may be benefit to it. Good luck