Scared my husband is having a emotional affair again.

I agree totally with AngelTears, you should be his first priority and stopping a phone call when you walk in is rude and rings alarm bells. If she's just a friend there shouldn't be anything said that you cannot hear also. You need to tell him you don't feel at ease with phone calls that abruptly stop when you are within ear shot.

Thanks guys I did talk to him but he refused to end the friendship. Even though I threatened to leave he still refused to end the friendship. I feel so alone and defeated.

Crawling wrote: Or that I'm letting my past experience cloud my judgement and that it's lonely living with a depressed person and that's why he has suddenly developed a need for friendship.

No. It's not you.
What I was thinking, is the other way around. Is he making you feel bad/depressed?

In any case, you can't/shouldn't control people. But you can make you'r own decisions.
Choose what's best for you Crawling !

Crawling wrote:Thanks guys I did talk to him but he refused to end the friendship. Even though I threatened to leave he still refused to end the friendship. I feel so alone and defeated.

I agree you can't control people, and sure it could very well be a harmless, platonic thing - but he is being shady... especially if he is THAT adamant and you have clearly been burned by a similar situation in the past. Not cool.

This is not a good situation for you to be around... and I worry for you and your state of health. Honestly I would feel heartbroken. Even IF it's platonic, he is married to YOU. And your feelings come first.

Maybe, if you can, take a few days away, and write him an email/letter... don't make ultimatums or threats but tell him how much it bothers you again and that you really need him to be a husband to you. I mean he made a commitment to you, didn't he?

Ugh I really feel for you. I am not sure if it means anything, and I hope you don't find this offensive but I will pray for you.

Hugs.

This situation is making me feel I'll and depressed yes. I have told my partner this but he is still refusing to end the friendship and has called me abusive for asking him to.

Crawling wrote:This situation is making me feel I'll and depressed yes. I have told my partner this but he is still refusing to end the friendship and has called me abusive for asking him to.

That is bull and I do not like how he is treating you. It sounds like he is very controlling. Say "whatever" to him and go stay with your mum/a friend for a few days and let him come to you. Don't call him. Think about yourself and take care of yourself during this rough time.

I'm always here if you need to talk, Crawling. PM me anytime, okay? I am praying for your husband to see the light and to come around. I hope that is okay for me to say.

*Hugs*

Crawling wrote:Thanks guys I did talk to him but he refused to end the friendship. Even though I threatened to leave he still refused to end the friendship. I feel so alone and defeated.

If you'd really leave him over this, you should leave him...otherwise you shouldn't threaten to. You need to decide if this is something you find acceptable, and make your decision based on that.

frenchmanicurepro wrote:

Crawling wrote:Thanks guys I did talk to him but he refused to end the friendship. Even though I threatened to leave he still refused to end the friendship. I feel so alone and defeated.

If you'd really leave him over this, you should leave him...otherwise you shouldn't threaten to. You need to decide if this is something you find acceptable, and make your decision based on that.

I have been together ten years have three children a mortgage and a load of debt leaving is not that easy. Add to that that I'm psychotic and don't know whether to trust my feelings right now or not and that leaves me unsure.

When I threatened to leave I meant it but this is no casual relationship and I'm a very damaged hurt person who doesn't know if she is leaving, committing suicide or staying. Plus the nature of bpd and my psychosis makes me irratic in my decisions. I have so much going on in my head right now I feel incapacitated by it.

him talking to another woman isn't the cause of the issues within your relationship though. it's a symptom of something else. something that he isn't getting within the relationship he is looking for elsewhere. that's what you need to address with him instead of focusing on the other woman. she's not important and you need to treat her as such.

you need to find out how he feels about the relationship and what he might be lacking. you are then welcome to share what you feel is lacking in the relationship. don't even mention her because when you do he will just get defensive and beligerent. He'll do the opposite of what you ask out of spite. which is counterproductive.

like i said take some time out at your mom's to sort your emotions out and get yourself calm and clear headed. I know it's easier said than done. believe me i know. unfortunately we have to do our best, because dealing with things like this the way we instinctively want to doesn't work.

I think some days off like you planned sound good. Don't do anything now...clear your head a bit, ask for more real life opinions of people who care for you and know the circumstances. I agree that him suddenly having a close female friend is a bit off, especially if he is not the lots of friends type.