Feeling like you never get enough attention/love?

I already posted about this topic a while back in the factitious disorder forum, having no idea where this behavior comes from: http://www.psychforums.com/factitious-disorder/topic114005.html

Since then I have thought a little more about it, and I want to ask you guys whether anyone has ever come across this feeling. I'll specify a little better what it is about:

In my last post, I described it more as wanting bad things to happen so I'll get attention. I traced that back to the possibility that at some point something bad happened to me and I couldn't tell anyone so I'm still looking for consolation that isn't coming because nothing bad happens to me.

That's not what I feel these days though.
Now it's more like, having a loving boyfriend but still feeling like he doesn't love you when he's reading something on the laptop. It's like feeling that people who love you have to constantly show you their love, but to you it's never enough because you seem to suck up that love and attention so much that it seems like nothing. It doesn't feel like that all the time, most of the time I know that my boyfriend loves me a lot and that's enough for me (he does show me his love and affection a lot, it's not like he's really acting cold towards me or anything.) Also, it's not like in those moments I'm really afraid that he'd leave me. I know he won't leave me, but I feel the extreme need for love and affection. It feels like I'm not important enough to him, like I'm not good enough to deserve his attention (24/7, which is impossible anyways.)

I hoped that maybe someone with BPD might experience something similar.

I feel this way exactly all the time with
my husband . I constantly need hugs and
affection and for him to tell me he loves
me and that I'm his monkey. It's never
enough because of the emptiness I feel.

I know that I must have the courage to
begin loving and soothing myself.

I feel scared all the time because of my
neediness

100% absolutely. I need physical affection or else I honestly do not know that someone cares/loves me. I'm not talking sex per say but all those little things that couples do are so immensely important to me.

I know DBT says that we need to self soothe/self love, but it's just not the same...

I feel you completely. It's difficult when people aren't able to meet your needs, probably because they don't understand how deep they are. Or they are extremely needy themselves and can't even meet their own needs, let alone anyone else's (unfortunately, I believe I fall in the latter category... ugh, it sucks.)

Anyway, I heard an interesting quote the other day. I can't remember exactly what it was but it was something like "disappointment only comes from high expectations". So instead of just expecting things, maybe just appreciate what you have and realize it doesn't need to be any more than that. You seem to be in a very healthy relationship, which is so much more than most people with BPD can say. Next time you feel that way, maybe you could use that as an opportunity to tell your boyfriend how much he means to you? I'm sure it will help calm your feelings of being ignored/abandoned, at least temporarily.

I think those kind of feelings are a common cause of factitious disorders. Just what I've heard, not me personally though, I'm just a special breed of idiot

I really crave love and attention, but that's cause I've got no boyfriend, almost no friends and a very loose connection with my family. So, yes, I am alone. I am lonely.

I have a constant need for love from my bf. If I feel alone for any length of time, I tend to get scared and think I'm not good enough. I can relate completely to how you feel.

hmmm... self love? that used to be my problem, but I've begun to like myself more and more since I met my boyfriend, mostly because for once I had a person in my life who actually saw me that way, so I started thinking, "maybe he's actually right". So I don't know, I can't say I love myself, but most of the time I accept who I am and often I can believe that the good things he says about me are true.

The thing for me is that I'm very selfless when it comes to love. I've been starting to think that maybe sometimes my needs should come first. It's tough to balance between being too selfish or too selfless in a relationship when love is supposed to be all about giving.The problem is, I have the habit of shutting my mouth when I'm in an uncomfortable situation, rather than taking the risk of bothering someone.The thing is, though, that my boyfriend can't read my mind. He can't know what I want and need, so I have to tell him a little more often. The problem is that I don't really know what I need, or whether he will ever be able to give it. If my parents didn't give me the love I needed, how is he supposed to help there? I just have a feeling like there's a hole inside me that nothing can ever heal. Self-love is great, and a wonderful relationship is doing wonders as well, but what can I really do if what I'm missing is actually the good childhood and unconditional parental love I never had?

Thank you for saying that Archer. It gives me hope and courage.

I am ready to take small steps towards recovery and to step out of my comfort zone

Archer,
This is going to come out wrong, but I can't think of any other way to ask it. How do you practice self love physically? As I stated earlier, I need physical attention (not always sexual) in order to feel loved. How would I give this to myself?