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Could someone explain "separation insecurity"?

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Could someone explain "separation insecurity"?

Postby Tyri0n » Fri May 03, 2013 8:02 pm

Isn't this a required criterion under the DSM 5?

I tend not to have relationships that last long enough or deep enough for this to be an issue, in the traditional sense. I do, however, have a frequent fear of rejection (is that the same thing as abandonment?). But usually, it's the opposite. I avoid making attachments to begin with due to fear of rejection, or I reject others before they can reject me. In fact, I have had 8 girlfriends where the relationship only lasted a few months because I either started to constantly criticize them or I just suddenly went cold and dumped them before they could dump me. I've managed to only be dumped once. I also deliberately try to get away from people when they start to get too close.

Is this separation insecurity, or is traditional "fear of abandonment" really the only thing that qualifies? In many ways, what I have seems like the opposite of fear of abandonment, or the opposite of separation insecurity.
Nobody knows what the hell I am. Officially: Asperger's, Nonverbal Learning Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Disassociative Disorder - NOS, and now, finally, Bipolar II.
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Re: Could someone explain "separation insecurity"?

Postby Tyri0n » Fri May 03, 2013 8:19 pm

littlearcher wrote:i haven't seen the criteria for the dsm V, however in the last one, you only needed 5 of the 9 criteria to be diagnosed with bpd...any combination.

and i wouldn't say that what you experience is the opposite as it's possible that you are pushing people away once they get close...because you are afraid of being attached and having something to then lose.

can you see how that would be a different manifestation of the same thing?

i definitely have had more short term relationships than long ones and when i feel insecure through growing too close, tend to cause a lot of conflict and lash out. i don't know if this would be true now as i haven't had a relationship in a long time.

but what you are describing totally fits fear of rejection/abandonment. you are just making a preemptive strike.


I agree. The fit would be even stronger if "fear of rejection" in multiple contexts (to the point of being officially diagnosed as avoidant in the past) would also count. I don't want to get close to people, and I often avoid people because I fear being rejected by them. I feel like people all over are judging me and hating me. When someone does manage to start to get close, I either disappear or drive them off.

Ok, but when I'm in a relationship, I don't call 50 times a day. If this is what separation insecurity means, I don't have it.
Nobody knows what the hell I am. Officially: Asperger's, Nonverbal Learning Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Disassociative Disorder - NOS, and now, finally, Bipolar II.
Tyri0n
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Re: Could someone explain "separation insecurity"?

Postby Tyri0n » Sat May 04, 2013 3:45 am

littlearcher wrote:that's not what it means....it's a concept that can be manifested in many ways.

again, i haven't seen the dsm v but, what you are describing all sounds like it could fit under borderline in the fear of abandonment/rejection scheme of things.

the incessant calling is more of a behaviour that is a result of the separation anxiety...but the separation anxiety itself can manifest in many ways.

and as you've described, you haven't let yourself attach, so you don't know how that would play out if you did.

and i do believe that fear of rejection in multiple contexts does count (again going by the dsm iv). it even includes fear of perceived rejection (which seems to be what you are describing that you struggle with).


Thank you. You are very helpful. That was the only criterion I thought maybe didn't fit. But now I realize that it does.

I had issues, suicide attempts, oozing negativity, and social isolation in age 18 when I escaped from my repressive home. Since then, I've been to multiple professionals and have gotten multiple misdiagnoses (everything from dysthymia to Schizoid PD to AvPD), the latest of which is Asperger's. I decided enough is enough and decided to try to be more informed next time I see a new professional. That is when my ex girlfriend helped me learn about BPD. I have almost no doubt that I have it now, and my current psychologist is running tests (I haven't brought up BPD). But there are several barriers to being recognized: (1) I'm the "acting in" type about 90% of the time (though I've been in my share of street fights); (2) I'm male; (3) I have a (mis)diagnosis of Asperger's whose therapy has proved harmful and whose diagnosis has proved a distraction since the DSM IV doesn't allow BPD and Asperger's to be diagnosed together.

What do you think I should do given these barriers? After six months of searching, I am now convinced I have some form of BPD. The few people who know me well enough agree also. The problems are, when I try to get help, I never mention (1) BPD (don't want to sound like a hypochondriac); (2) self-harm (embarrassing) or (3) my past history of childhood abuse (I literally can't talk about this without going mute).
Nobody knows what the hell I am. Officially: Asperger's, Nonverbal Learning Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Disassociative Disorder - NOS, and now, finally, Bipolar II.
Tyri0n
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Re: Could someone explain "separation insecurity"?

Postby Tyri0n » Sat May 04, 2013 6:13 pm

I think you're right. When I find a new one, I should probably explain the situation and keep looking at new ones (within my insurance network) until I find one who seems compatible. In the past, I have definitely given most information to other professionals. The only things I have not mentioned are current self-harm (though I mentioned past self-harm) and past sexual abuse. But I have mentioned everything else including the repressive environment where I grew up.

Your experience made me think of something. Could it be that those who see I have an Asperger's diagnosis simply don't want to stigmatize me? Some people think that BPD is very stigmatizing, and some therapists even refuse to treat someone with BPD. If they can explain things in terms of something else, maybe they only do BPD as a last resort. I have the results of several psychological tests, including the ink blots, that all support BPD.

Tell me what you think about this proposal; it's basically what happened to you, except in reverse: fairly early on, I will say that I am interested in DBT due to problem X, Y, and Z. If the therapist like the idea, then I will bring up the topic of insurance and ask about getting a diagnostic code for BPD.

In my country, private corporations control everything, and everything is driven by insurance coverage. If a doctor believes that a certain type of treatment will be helpful, he or she will simply look for a diagnostic code to match it. If the doctor is convinced that DBT would be helpful for me, and that nothing else would be helpful, he or she may feel a professional obligation to diagnose me with BPD if I do, in fact, easily meet 7/9 of the DSM IV criteria and 100% of the DSM V criteria.

What do you think, or is this just my passive-aggressiveness coming out?
Nobody knows what the hell I am. Officially: Asperger's, Nonverbal Learning Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Disassociative Disorder - NOS, and now, finally, Bipolar II.
Tyri0n
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 115
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 4:00 am
Local time: Sat Dec 20, 2014 7:56 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


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