thank you, yes, as many of us know abuse creates a burden on the abused that is difficult to shed.
i found khemix's devaluation and invalidation triggering of course, which i assume was intended in some gestalt gesture that was well meant and i'll take it as that.
yes. for me searching for release of triggers whose source was very early life, pre-verbal in some cases is to go through layers of the "self" that was in a dark reactive state to get earlier in time to events that setup the patterns. i remember being an obnoxious ten year old that attracted bullies. for me i need to own the persona i presented at that age to overcome it, and be able to go deeper to the early life events at the hands of bullies within the family that helped lead to me behaving in such a way.
in my family abuse was always presented in a shaming and blaming construct. we were abused because of core faults. now i can interpret the underlying message to be that by having needs i and my brothers enraged our adult family members, and we were abused because of how it made them feel. it was expressed to us that we were damaged things deserving of abuse. now i know that to be projection.
so to me the task is releasing the projections by caregivers and not owning them, and owning the obnoxious behavior of the ten year old self. dual paths that are deeply interwoven. to blanket "accept" all of the past, for me, does not sufficiently release the projections.
again, my reason for writing was to ask if this resonates for others. i believe my parents embedded their "sins" in their children with some degree of intent, so that they could externalize their inner self loathing and confront and attack it in us. to my mind shedding those projections requires more than acceptance, it means making myself accountable for my own actions, and refusing to be accountable for the actions of others.
thank you again for writing.