Our partner

Can an ugly person have BDD?

Body Dysmorphic Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Bilbo Baggins

Can an ugly person have BDD?

Postby honeymoon225 » Thu Aug 16, 2012 6:12 pm

I'm a little confused. I don't know if I have BDD or not. I match up to most of the symptoms. I used to be a frequent mirror checker, sometime I would just stare at myself waiting to see if something would change. I also had an eating disorder that I dealt with for a couple years. I'm out of recovery now. My docs gave me meds but I never took them. I hate medication and I refuse to take it. I recovered from my eating disorder on my own. I still have many insecurities with my physical appearance though. Whereas I used to obsessively check my reflection, nowadays I avoid it. There are 3 mirrors in my house that are "good" mirrors. Of course I still think i look ugly, and some days it is worse, but these mirrors are safe for me to do basic things in front of, like getting ready and whatnot. All other mirrors I simply avoid, especially ones that are in public places. I'm afraid I will see a monster in the reflection. Sometimes I accidentally catch a glimpse of myself, or maybe its just curiosity, but disgust and self loathing set in immediately. I believe I'm truly just an ugly person. I hate looking at photographs because they are confirmations of my ugliness.

So is it possible, I don't have BDD? In actuality I'm just an ugly person, and I have trouble accepting it. I literally have a fear of looking at myself and seeing my photos and I think this might just be because I have confidence issues and not a true disorder. I mentioned it to my boyfriend and he said, I don't think you have that, you just have low confidence. I think I agree with him now. I have low confidence because I am an ugly person inside out.

I don't want to masquerade around, pretending what I see is false, when in reality the fact is, I'm just an ugly person. And it doesn't help when people lie and so noooo you're pretty, they just say that because they see "oh she's really ugly, I'll make her feel better today!" :<!!!

Sorry for the rant. I feel very foolish, like how could I even think its possible i could have BDD?! I'm too ugly, I just need to accept my appearance. I feel really ashamed right now, and not mention narcissistic and selfish about my petty issues.

Sorry for the annoying post. Thanks to anyone who was able to suffer through reading that all, though! :>
honeymoon225
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:53 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Can an ugly person have BDD?

Postby yuno » Sat Aug 25, 2012 9:32 pm

anyone can have this disorder. attractive or ugly, it all depends on how you perceive yourself.
what you're describing, btw... it's like i wrote it myself. *mod edit*
yuno
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2012 9:22 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 23, 2014 3:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Can an ugly person have BDD?

Postby shoopshoop » Sun Oct 07, 2012 12:58 pm

This is my main issue with BDD too.
But I guess if someone who is genuinely ugly suffers this disorder then it is just a non-issue.
The problem is the confirmation of our worst fears. If after all these years of not being able to live properly because of the way I look, someone was just to confirm to me I was extremely ugly, it really wouldn't help me. In fact I'd probably be worse. I see no way out of this for me. I'll always feel ugly anyway, even if someone genuinely thought I was okay looking.
It's why I hate it so much.
User avatar
shoopshoop
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2012 12:50 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Can an ugly person have BDD?

Postby Crayons » Sun Oct 07, 2012 1:12 pm

BDD is about being preoccupied/obsessed with a small OR nonexistent "flaw". When it affects your life. for instance- You become housebound, you stop seeing friends and family, you quit school, college or work, feel depressed.

You have to try and except that you may have BDD before you can really try getting better.

Your boyfriend probably doesn't understand what BDD is and how you really feel everyday. you are always going to have people not understand or believe it but that doesn't make it any less true. You have to know yourself and get help from a doctor who knows about BDD.
User avatar
Crayons
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:01 am
Local time: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Can an ugly person have BDD?

Postby F28 » Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:58 am

Hey.

I recognize myself in everything you wrote.
I think I am ugly, not in the way that i have a big nose or ears or so, but i think its the mix of them all, my fathers eyes, the eyebrows that are long gone, and all the little small things...that together just created a nasty reflection in the mirror. I wear makeup ALL THE TIME. Also when I sleep. I wake up, first thing i do is check the mirror to know what the day will have in store for me. It is almost always a big dissapointment, sometimes a smaller dissapointment which may be corrected if lucky. Every morning, as if i wait for my face to have changed all of the sudden over the night.

I have a very demanding life which had made me come to the very top of all my frustrations. I am a medical student in my last year. I have managed until now in a way i dont understand how it was possible.

I dont know either if i have BDD, because i think i am just ugly, and I try to hide it very well from any person by make up. But it doesnt always work to spend 5 hours per day, sometimes i just remain ugly and there is exhaustion, facial, mental. I dont know what to do, i have reached the end, there is no way out of this. If i was to make surgeries to my face, it will take ages to afford, what am i to do until then? Will surgery even help, I dont even know where i would start? Eye shape? Make my allready normal nose perfect? Since I can look somewheat normal with the right way of make up, I think that some kind of eye re-shaping would benefit me.If the eyes are crap, it doesnt matter the rest.

Make up used to work for me, at least enough times so that i could be showing myself in public, even though i try to hide as much as i can. Now it just doesnt cut it, rarely rarely do the makeup sessions create something relatively normal. And i can go out, by food, and go to classes, just to accidentally look into a mirror somewhere which just turns my world around and makes me depressed and want to run home as soon as possible.
This is very disabling, and inhibits greatly me from having a normal live like i want. People have commented on my make up, that i wear too much, wrong colour etc etc. I hate it and feel ashamed of that too, but if I could choose, Id rather have them speaking bad about my makeup then about how ugly I am.

When I was little, I didnt have thoughts about beauty or ugly, life just happens. And as years pass I realize that i do not look good. I experimented with hair and clothes to make me look better, this was a young age still. I recall a day when I was wearing my makeup for one of the first times... what a difference in peoples approach to me. I looked much better, and guys told me i was pretty for the first time. Since then, I understand how different beautiful people are treated on a normal basis. When I manage to make myself look ok, I notice how people act differently, they act normal. I feel then almost normal, but at the same time sad that it has to be like this. This word is not made for me.

The "bad mirrors", is a common thing for me. I can be relatively ok with how i look in one mirror, but looking into another may show a very ugly person. And when i am in the stores, shopping, looking in my reflection, I hope that what i see will be ok, but it rarely is, and i start to look only down at the ground, wishing i could be home faster.

Psychologists may want to related this ugly-feeling to a deeper personal insecurity, but I really must disagree, at least in my case. I am a very talented woman, on my "good days" i am the most social and fun person, and there is nothing I cannot do, I am VERY good at most sports, smart and intelligent in my studies, inventive, handy, loving and caring of humans and animals, and I think I am really a great person that can accomplish anything. I just wish my face would match all this. I just wish to be looking ok, to be able to fullfill my life. And my lovely boyfriends life.

How shall we go from here? I have seen there are many like me, and even though surgery (in best case) may help, until I can afford that there are many days that i need to get through. Many frustrated exhausted moments, which will make me wish I was dead. Because that what I do wish when everything is bad, I just dont want to do this anymore. I love the outline of my life, the medical degree that just a year away, my fantastic one in a million boyfriend and the wonderful future we can have. But myface doesnt match this...

Why do we have to accept that we look ugly? And even if other people saw me without makeup, and thought i wasnt ugly (which i really doubt), that wouldnt make a difference to me. I am so unsatisfied with the way I was created to look. This look, one look, to live though this one life. It is just not fair.
And why do I feel ashamed of feeling ugly? I dont know, maybe because the world and the human mind is created to love beauty and hate ugly. Push the ugly away.

I think my biggest fear is to loose my fantastic boyfriend because of my problems, or that he will agree with me that i do look ugly without makeup. Or that people will go around saying how can that handsome guy be together with that ugly girl. My boyfriend has during these 4,5 years together never seen me completely without makeup, allthough I have reveled an eye or eyebrow for him once in a while. Not even him saying he prefers me to have less make up, or that he will love me no matter how I look, is it changing the way I feel. I simple will not accept being ugly.

How to go from here?
User avatar
F28
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:17 am
Local time: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (23)

Re: Can an ugly person have BDD?

Postby MrMachida » Tue Nov 06, 2012 6:59 pm

Hi,

I just created an account because I related so strongly to the OP and especially to the post by F28. Now I'm not quite sure what to write, except to make a few remarks on the topic.

I strongly identify with what F28 said about having days where you can be the most sociable person in the room, feeling that you're as smart and talented as anybody, but then feeling that there's a barrier between yourself and the world, just because you look so #######5. About walking around feeling confident, then catching yourself in a mirror or a shop window and being so horrified that your eyes hit the ground and you just start walking home.

Sometimes,though, I'm pretty sure that I'd be a difficult person to deal with even if I didn't look like absolute hell. It's possible that this makes life *even more* frustrating, because it feels like all the time you could be spending working out some real personality issues goes unused because you're far too preoccupied with wishing you didn't look so goddamn awful.

On topic, I've talked to a psychiatrist before about feeling depressed. I started to talk about how I felt ugly and how it affected me. He suggested that I may have BDD. I said that I kind of agreed with him, but that I was also sure that I had some very legitimate concerns about my appearance. And I didn't tell him then, but convinced myself that I was sitting in favourable lighting, and if we had turned around a bit he would know exactly what I was talking about.

I've struggled for years to put my feelings into words, but a lot of the time it seems you feel the limits of your own honesty, or what is socially acceptable or would make sense to other people. Just like the human brain shuns ugliness, it kind of hates serious conversation about it. I used to joke about how rough I looked, before it reached a point where it felt uncomfoable to joke about it. So I couldn't joke about it, or be serious either. Didn't know how to confront this problem that seems to this day to be dominating my life. Many times it feels like, if I reach the point where I'm able to talk cooly about the problems that are affecting me, I'm no longer in touch with how I really feel about the issue, and that if I let myself go again and try to feel natural about it, then I'll be once more lost in confusion.

One thing I am learning more and more is about how much your personality influences your looks. How true it is that what *you* see is also what *others* see. It's definitely possible to get stuck in a vicious anxiety loop too, where you are concerned about how you look, so your body language worsens, then you actually *become* less attractive, and become aware of it, and so feel even worse, and so on. As my appearance worsened dramatically over recent years due to working nights, sleeping poorly, etc. I've found it very difficult because my personality has remained somewhat immature and fun-loving, while my face has become very grave, full of panic and fear and not a little hatred. Day by day now I'm trying to teach the muscles in my face to become something more like the traits I wish I displayed; relaxed, ambitious, smart,sociable,cultured... I really do believe that personality accounts for how you are perceived and how the world relates to you (50pc maybe, if you want to put it in those terms, I don't know...) I don't believe there's anybody that you might find attractive that you couldn't find completely *un*attractive if their personality were different. (And I find it's usually it is *strength* of character that makes a person attractive or not, not whether they are 'good' or 'bad'.)

Can a person have BDD and still be essentially ugly? I think the interaction between how we look and how we relate to ourselves is too complex to say 'yes' or 'no'. For example, I know plenty of women who I happen to find very attractive, who will fall head over heels in love with a guy who may not have been born the most handsome, but has great depth of character. I believe that attractiveness is not a characteristic independent of personality. Somebody with a degree of physical ugliness might overcome it and become irresistible, or may lack confidence to the point that they felt they were even uglier than they were, and I guess you could describe that as BDD. And they would probably end up stuck in that vicious circle from which it's quite quite difficult to escape.

Anyway, I'd be delighted if somebody could add a little more to this topic. I really am confused about my feelings on this issue. Thanks to the OP and F28, and the other posters on this thread for sharing your thoughts, I really relate strongly to what you're going through and I hope you find a way, not to deal with these feelings, but to completely overcome them and become the strong people you feel you should have been.
MrMachida
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2012 5:56 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Can an ugly person have BDD?

Postby F28 » Tue Nov 06, 2012 7:58 pm

Thank you for that MrM.
I think you have analyzed it well, the actions we do and emotions we feel, I see and feel it the same.
I am currently writing a thesis on BDD, and find new information every day. Unfortunately I havent come across much information to be optimistic about. And as I read the definitions and etiologies, factors, treatment methods and start thinking that I might have a clue, (that there is just work needed to be done to our minds, train it to thinking straight) I have days like these, wonderful perfect days, in which I am the person I that I want to be. Someone which is hidden away by the fear of be viewed as ugly. I dont have any ugly, evil, nasty personality traits to back me up (like you mentioned, that can be a "comorbidity") lol. With risk of sounding arrogant/narcissistic, I have a wonderful personality which all people who have gotten to see it likes. I dont have/make enemies, I dont hate. I tolerate, but I am not naive, and I confront when needed.

These facts means to me that I simply just need to look nice/normal/pretty to live a perfect life. I dont need "fixing", I dont need to become a better human, I just need to look goodie.
In the end, there is not much I need in life, I just want to live in my cozy harmonic little house with my loving little family that I´ll create.
You see how these circle of theories cross-link with each other ending up in making no sense.

Soooo welcome to the forum MrMachida, I hope you will tell me/us more about yourself and I hope that we can bounce some ideas between us and maybe reach insightful thoughts. ;)
User avatar
F28
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:17 am
Local time: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (23)

Re: Can an ugly person have BDD?

Postby Kyriakos » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:13 pm

It is relatively simple:

If you are "ugly" and you focus on either "real" or imagined flaws too much, which leads to you not being able to function in life, you have bdd.

If you are "good-looking" and see a deformed image, or if you just cannot function due to your obsession with how you look, again you have bdd.

If you are "average-looking" and feel that you should be "perfect" in looks, leading to an inability to function correctly, you again have bdd.
User avatar
Kyriakos
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2012 12:27 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Can an ugly person have BDD?

Postby F28 » Wed Nov 07, 2012 3:42 pm

Kyriakos wrote:It is relatively simple:

If you are "ugly" and you focus on either "real" or imagined flaws too much, which leads to you not being able to function in life, you have bdd.

If you are "good-looking" and see a deformed image, or if you just cannot function due to your obsession with how you look, again you have bdd.

If you are "average-looking" and feel that you should be "perfect" in looks, leading to an inability to function correctly, you again have bdd.


Yes you are completely right. Its not a matter of questioning the definitions. I was referring more to the "solution" of the BDD.
I wrote that I had a perfect day, due to the fact that I felt beautiful. This day brought along all challenges possible, talking infront of a larger mass of people, impressing, enjoy meaningful conversations with closer friends, also making new friends, plus being in the hospital where I have to be on TOP all the time professionally, socially etc.
I have had days like this before, and it feels to me as I dont want or dont need counselling, I just need to be beautiful/look ok to have a normal life, because I am not shy or socially inhibited except for when I feel ugly/less attractive. Yes, I have BDD (not diagnosed) based on all these above, but why is it wrong for me to just want to try to fix my face the way I want, when I KNOW that this HELPS, not only helps, but this is the solution. I have had many many proofs, I am certain. One other factor is that I used to manage all my days before, even if having BDD since younger years, but that it has gotten worse because of the loss of my eyebrows. I am certain that having them back will make me normal again, even if the BDD itself is considered a chronic illness, my aim is to to be completely free of it, but to manage my days functioning normally, and not let those thought preoccupy me.
User avatar
F28
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:17 am
Local time: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (23)

Re: Can an ugly person have BDD?

Postby Kyriakos » Wed Nov 07, 2012 11:08 pm

Has to do with mental balances. Sometimes one is formed mentally in such a way that it is impossible to be happy, and therefore if one moreover is too focused on looks it is logical that the reason for his/her negative feelings will come in the mask of worries about looks.

Again there is no simple answer. We are all different, and the human mind is very complicated. I can only speak for myself.

But i can say that negative emotions can be very powerfull. For example now that i don't feel bad i notice all sorts of improvements in my self, even in my body, like my hair which are thicker and becomming better all-around. This is definitely down to the mental change, since before i was often miserable due to my hair, and now they are utterly normal and may become even better.

Sometimes one has invested too much energy on looks, and this energy becomes autonomized in a way. I used to think too that if i was beautiful i could be happy nomatter what, but in essense this created the balance: i am not happy, therefore all is not perfect, therefore what is imperfect must be my looks, since that is all i virtually care about or see a problem with. This lead to years and years of trapped reasoning for myself, and it was a hell of a struggle to break free from this prison of thoughts.
User avatar
Kyriakos
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2012 12:27 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Body Dysmorphic Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Chrisj and 30 guests

cron