Can't go anywhere and can't stand being around people

oh my gosh.... same for me. I thought I'm turning insane...
Mine is so bad that I didn't go out to meet anyone for a year... I had to quit my job. I can't even manage to do a part time job. Eating with my family is a huge stress for me even tho all of them are really sweet. I feel so guilty that I get so nervous all the time and get angry at them when they're actually trying to help I don't have any friends anymore. I used to be really outgoing but no such thing anymore. I used to like meeting new people but now I'm really scared. ACtually i'm scared to meet people for the second time more than the first time. Its probably because I can fake "happiness" the first time for once but not anymore.

I can't buy my own food sometimes and I have to ask my dad to bring some food home. I can't eat when people are around me. The way I eat is so different from other people too. I can't eat big meal at a time and I always have problem with my appetite so I take siomething out of the fridge and after a bite I take it back in. I take other stuff out then I take them back in after a bite. I hate that so much that sometimes I just take out everything from the fridge and take a bite out of everything then I'm too tired to clean it up... anyway... When people comment on how I eat , I get indigestion right away. By right away I mean while I'm taking a bite at something I feel all the food stuck in my throat. People say i'm just too sensitive but no matter how much i try i'm just stressing myself out more! This is really stressful... Sometimes I push myself to go out and eat with others but then I end up getting sick. Maybe it's social anxiety.. I don't know.

This has happened twice to me this week, it seems to be getting worse.
I can't stop crying over it because I used to love going out but now i'm pathetic, every time I make plans it just seems to fall through on the day because I see weird things.

I can go to work though, that doesn't bother me, it just means i'll be insulting myself all day and running to the toilet to look in the mirror, at the end of the day i'm exhausted but have managed to go to work. Yet on my days off, I can't do anything I want! How weird is that?

I can totally relate to you. 100%, even 200%. I'm a gay asian guy living in canada.
Growing up, I wasn't very self conscious about my look. In fact, I was a pretty good looking child, but there have been many periods during my childhood/teenage years where I got bullied due to my girly personality. People at school would tease me with words such as eunuch, tranny, sissy...etc, and because of the constant verbal bullying and teasing I developed social anxiety disorder at 12 years old, and had gone to a psychologist in high school and been prescribed drugs to control my physiological responses to anxiety. Around the time before I left for Canada, my teeth for some reason started becoming crooked/protruding, and I basically went from the "cute" 'good looking" kid that friends and relatives liked, to the "asian #######1" with "orangutan teeth" that later my canadian classmates would call behind my back. Apart from my teeth, I got a big head and face that is roughly 1.3 times bigger than the average, especially when I compare with non asians. It sucks, and sucks even more when you put it on a narrow-shouldered frame. It makes me look like a freaking lollipop! A mixed condition of pectus excavatum and pectus carinatum has also troubled me for a long time but my parents refused to let me do the surgery since the idea of putting a metal bar into my chest seriously frightened them. I avoided going to the swimming pool and anywhere where I had to take my clothes off, and in general hated my physical appearance so much I had suicidal thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY.

After high school, I decided to took out 7 teeth, got braces (took 2.5 years), started working out and eating right, invested thousands of dollars each year on skin products, regularly got botox injection into my masseter to shrink the muscles and the area right above my brows to get rid of frown lines. I also would spend hours analyzing my facial and body proportions in front of the mirror, trying to find anywhere that needs to be improved and corrected. I literally would do ANYTHING to even just slightly improve my looks. ANYTHING.

My efforts seemed to work. They paid off and I started receiving attention. I'm happy that people are accepting me and my looks now, and was surprised upon hearing from people I should consider modelling. Random people would even ask me to take a picture with them at bars and clubs ( I avoid all other social places and gathering like house parties, birthday dinner, daytime group activities since I'm afraid my social anxiety and bad command of english would bore people very soon, and it got even worse when you're sober. I'm also worried people will see all the flaws on my skin when the lighting is too strong. Bars and clubs are different for me, knowing that you might get hit on while being tipsy at a low light environment makes me overall comfortable, relaxed, and undeniably excited). Receiving these praises definitely puts me in a good mood but at the same times makes me extremely anxious. At the same time It's so new to me and I absolutely love, love receiving attention. However, I have got even more insecure than ever about my physical appearance since me being treated nicer now versus then confirmed my belief that looks INDEED play the biggest role in my life, and It was about the same time when my obsession with physical appearance dramatically increased to a point where my everyday decision began revolving around how I feel about myself on that particular day.

I have avoided going to labs/tutorials and have dropped all courses that required group work or presentation since first year, and now I skip classes when I look bad, sometimes it's because of my dark circles, sometimes it's my clothes, other times it's about my complexion, and whether i sleep well or not. This is completely driving me crazy and I don't know any solutions to end this. Even if i feel good about myself on a day and decide to go to class the idea that people will potentially find me attractive makes me so nervous and unable to focus on the lecture. Basically both the idea of people finding you ugly and the idea of people finding you attractive under a bright environment like in a classroom scare me to death now.

I'm struggling and this feels like $#%^!
geez, i need a long long break.

I'm sorry if my english sounds weird..it's not my native language. I started speaking it since grade 11
sometimes i wonder if being a native english speaker would make everything a bit easier though...