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hello. by Jadestar on Sun Oct 14, 2012 12:20 am
I can no longer function realistically. On good days I feel silly and say screw it and try to press on, but when checking my facebook comes at the cost of what feels like a steak knife in your chest and being keyed up to fight rabid polar bears for the next day and a half I start to question my own sanity. I need to find a job but I can offer others no real explanation but I simply cant. When people hear the word anxiety they think of reasonable stress, not these violent forces that plague my body often without any real trigger. And to complicate things worst Iv recently lost my place to live, and cant remember little things, get lost while im traveling places in a town i grew up in. (>_<) this is so frustrating. Im trying to get help but it comes slow when you are poor. Getting thru the day is a struggle my firends/family fail at comprehending. I seek out support groups and for me at least are utterly useless, next time someone tells me "its all in my head" I think Im just going to attack them, Im physicly suffering and this method of rationalizing positive thoughts for negitve ones Im too smart/realistic for and is ineffective since this is subconscious.. I have no desire to mask my problems with drugs, the only ones who seem to grasp this stuff are people going thru it themselfs. Im willing to listen to doctors and such but Im really starting to question if many of them are even qualified to help. Anxiety is not GAD... it cannot be treated like it. Im starting to envy people I see in the morning relaxing and drinking coffee, people that sleep... Am I the only one who feels like im dying knows Im not and feels like its a damn shame because at least death has an end? To spite all this the worst thing is that no one seems to grasp this, or having this mitigated as if Im lazy or something. That is the worst most frustrating part of all this for me.
Mon I have an apointment with a theripist ~ I hope something usefull comes from this...
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