The basis of this blog is; " They are not my friends"; yet, I keep making them out to be my friends! They are friendly, but thats because Im in proximity! and looking back; if I did not interact with them; they would have never interacted with me! I mean; if I leave them alone; they would leave me alone and never talk to me because I have no value to them! and if I dont watch it! I could get into trouble associating with them; they are 2 faced or 5 faced; not a safe group of people to associate with! but Im so lonely and desperate Ill take anything that breaths to notice me or connect with! for this reason, I have to turn to God for help!

So, Im at this meeting and things backfire! I have a problem; Id like to blame others! I am blaming others; but I cant seem to come to grips that the people Im blaming never claimed to be who Ive made them out to be! I see them as care givers to take care of me; they dont see it that way! in fact, most of them have proven on paper, they have little to no conscious; and they hang out with other in the same condition and I hang out with them; Im acting like I can use them to get a head or befriend them! Im now getting slammed in the face with it! They are manipulators and masters of it; and Im taken over by them; tripped off my feet very quickly before I know what happens! They are not thinking about me and never were! Its my dream world vs their strategy to take advantage of others!
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They think 2 highly of themselves! and act as if they have the world by its reigns! In reality, they have nothing! in reality, they never claimed they cared who I am or what I think of them! They are not my friends; but since Ive been around them, they have been friendly; however, they fit together, I do not fit with them! I am not accepted by them! and since Ive allowed my walls to come down a bit; Ive got slammed in the face with it; that their not my friends! they see no value in me! and will not hold me to a high level of social status that I deserve!
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The funny thing is or sad concerning thing; Ive gone to the wrong people for acceptance! But I cant see to handle it or deal with; Im afraid the right people wont accept me! Ive been put down by the upper classes or middle classes before! Im scared of them; I dont trust them, Ive never seen such deception then from the rich or educated with no conscious!
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Im an easy going guy! I really am; but I've been displaced in the world; falling into the hands of the wrong people, and Im trying to figure out why; thats where I start!
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Ive found that the child in me and God want to work together; the child needs direction and security and love and hope and care! The child in me does not trust me! Looking at myself; I haven't done to much to gain this childs trust! I have to first start by turning to God and bowing down and letting go of all outcomes!
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When im in charge, I've been dumb about it! This means, a lack of respect for the consequences of things! Ive tried to get my needs met blindly by all the wrong people and places and things! I have to take this to source energy and stay out of it and away from it; away from all of it!
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I have to stay out of the outcome of things! and allow God to bring the right people and places and things!
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Ive blindly walked across fields and lines to the enemies outposts; and walk up to their camps as if nothing is going to happen to me; Ive acted like I can be friend them and have a great time freely; in reality, they are watching me to see how they can over come me! that is their goal in life; its not just me they want to overcome! The point; they are the enemy and not my friends! My real friends never accepted me; so, they were never my friends! and the people Im around now, do not accept me, no one seems to! so, what do I do! where do I go!
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Thats what Im working on!
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Im not around the right people; I havent ever been round the right...

[ Continued ]