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almost like a test by unity1 on Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:31 am
ok, so im trying something new....i havent had a drink in the day for a while...but today i have had one...and am now having another...i hope this is not a test that will go wrong

It sounds really stuped saying a test coz thats not how i was thinking about it until i decided to write this blog..

I seem never to remember or understand why i do certain things because i literally forget... so im tracking it....why i am choosing to have a drink....coz i know that is what it is...a choice...

Ok, so, heres what i wrote on a scrap of paper earlier and then i wanna write some more...

'ok, so im not sure if im gonna have this one small drink...the reasons why -
I feel better (different) today in comparrison to these last days...i think???...i could be dancing around tidying up to my music - then my mind overtakes trying to work out how i feel...i cant work it out - its just changing back and forth to how i THINK i feel...one minute i think i should be or am happy, then depressed, hyper, etc etc...then back around them all again..

If i have a drink my feelings will be more concrete and stable - even if not the right emotion hopefully it will just be one...im sick of not knowing how i feel or trying to feel a certain way

Having one drink now.....'

Ok so i wrote that half hour ago, now i have drink number 2...and this is where it stops today...

I now have drink number 2 as drink number 1 has seriously almost stablised my mind to....mmm..still not sure what, but it is as it is and it is not skipping all over the place trying to find where i belong today - i think it feels cool...better anyhow...more stable

Before i had the first drink i was imaging and almost about to self harm...not cutting but i just wanted to dig my nails as far into my stomach as possible and just pull at me...just coz i wanted to feel something...hurt myself??? maybe...still confused...but only when i keep thinking about that...

I guess now i can concentrate at the fact that i have had a drink and how i shouldnt have....

It has given me some sort of feeling that i understand...at least for a while.

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Body dysmorphia: Your whole story. Fess up. by margharris on Tue Jul 28, 2015 2:09 am
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Disappointments by pixi3 on Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:18 am
I'm bad at talking about disappointments. Recently its something that I didn't even realise I was getting my hopes up for. Its kind of a surprise that I'm this upset about it really. I found out Thursday...

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Unmotivated by creepydork on Sun Jul 26, 2015 8:27 pm
I can't count how many times I've felt like this.

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Gangbang Diary of a White Girl: #1 by RunawayFaye on Sun Jul 26, 2015 1:39 pm
My name is Faye, and I am an alcoholic. I am drug addict. I always have been, I just didn’t know it until I started drinking. I was raised in the suburbs of Chicago, and had to take the train to and f...

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bop by Rigning on Sun Jul 26, 2015 2:04 am
I used to live some place where the sun would never set during summer, and never rise during winter. I remember the parties we used to have. Or, at least some. The best ones. The ones where we partied...

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Re: Other things by xod_s on Sun Jul 26, 2015 9:47 pm
"Social relationships

-Peer groups
--Cliques-small groups of friends (4-6 people), initially of the same sex.
--Crowd-combination of cliques with similar social perceptions.

[ Continued ]

Re: New Discovery by PhoofyBunny on Sun Jul 26, 2015 4:15 am
I hope if someones sitting near me in a movie theatre, it's you :) Although I'd rather have no one sitting near me,...

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Re: HOCD or becoming bisexual? I'm honestly freaking out! by snaga2.0 on Sat Jul 25, 2015 8:45 am
Hey there, hugs if wanted, welcome to the forums! I see your question in the forums so I'll check you out there, the blogs really are more for journalling, unlikely someone will come across to address...

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Re: blah entry.. *triggers* by snaga2.0 on Sat Jul 25, 2015 8:40 am
It's never as rough, when you're the one looking back, and you're not in that situation any more. But to outsiders, it looks rougher than you yourself think, having had to be the one to live thru it,...

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Re: Being disliked by people by creepydork on Fri Jul 24, 2015 10:24 pm
I feel exactly the same. Thanks.

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