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Be careful what you ask for by Koshka69 on Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:01 pm
Been off the forum for a while... classes and life are getting away from me lately, so I'm in a mad storm of academics and paperwork.
So I was at the pool over the weekend. Laid there with my eyes closed and got totally triggered over a man and his son playing in the pool. Back came the flood of my love disappearing into his PTSD. As I laid there and thought of him I got really frustrated. Mad almost. I asked god why, even though I am doing so well, I have to think of my ex beau CONSTANTLY. I've dealt with all the feelings, processed them all, moved on... yet still think of him. It drives me INSANE. So I asked god to please give me something... anything... to think of because I'm SICK TO DEATH of thinking of the ex.
Long about 2 days ago, the prayer got answered.
My life, I swear, is god's comic strip... when he gets bored he runs a plot twist to amuse himself.
I was on the phone with a dear guy friend of mine (the one I mentioned earlier... he lives in Florida and we've been friends for about 20 years). So we were discussing the logistics and other things about my move to Florida. Then he flattened me with something I NEVER saw coming. He said that if he could go back in time and have us be together, he would. He said that when he thinks about me coming to Florida, he thinks of the possibilities. WHAAAAAAA? A little background on him.... 20 years ago we were stationed in England together and were best of friends. One of the very very few true intellectual equals (that's not me being snobby... it's me describing that we match incredibly on an intellectual level). We were off and on attracted to each other, but wires were always crossed... either he liked me when I was dating someone or I liked him when he was dating someone. Never panned out. I ended up getting married while in England, and he ended up standing in for my father and walking me down the aisle and "giving me away" at my wedding. We've kept in touch off and on over the last 20 years... friendship always strong. In 2003 he married and started divorce proceedings last Mar (his wife left him). Now, don't think he's the kind of guy for rebounds... actually he is the only human I know who seems capable of NOT dating on the rebound. He just has very deep friendships... and I happen to be one of them. So his revelation about knocked me on my ass. I told him that I was NOT running to Florida to date him or have him as my primary reason for moving... it's absolutely about me moving closer to friends and finishing my education. He understands that. But still, I'm totally floored that he still holds feelings for me after all these years. I swear, he and I could have hours and hours of fun with a paper bag... that's seriously just us. Never lacking for conversation, good times, enjoying each others company and so on. I'm THRILLED at the prospect of us hanging out a lot... and he is too (even though he lives 8 hours from where I am moving to).
Don't know what the point of this story is. Guess I'm still shell shocked from it all. I go through this big tornado of poo with my ex beau and his ptsd... and then this friend way-lays me with feelings. And irony.... we're (me, the ex beau, the friend, and both their ex/soon to be ex) all in the same circles... all of us know each other from the military. Gawwwwwd. The ex beau would flip a wig if he heard this latest news... he'd run to my door with roses and a ring trying to win me back (I know him too well... he thrives on adrenaline and chases). So I'm keeping it a secret because if he did that, I'd really want to just slap the sh*& out of him.
How is it that I can try like hell to keep my life drama free and my life still plays out like a sitcom?
Ah, at least my life's not boring, I suppose
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