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my little day-to-day hellbeen experiencing a huge urge for the past 2 days. i'm looking for someone to have sex with literally since i woke up today. yesterday was also difficult. i installed the hook up app i used before and have been absolutely soaked in it up until the neck. i've received some proposals, but the fact that i fight myself about it has stopped me from accepting most of them and the only guy it would work with stopped responding. my left wrist hurts (probably from typing on my phone - that requires an awful hand position) and, well, i'm a musician and i can't afford unhealthy upper limbs. that pain i have never experienced before. i feel like i can't do anything until i have sex. masturbating did not work. i am obsessed with bottoming even though i have zero anal pleasure and lots of anal pain - am i trying to punish myself? i was working with someone today and i think being like that increases my ability of relating to people - but oh my, i just wanted to relate to myself. until i fall asleep i will probably not rest and tomorrow i will probably try and have sex. i hate all of this. it makes me wish more and more that i had been castrated and a child - that would give me not only a beautiful castratto voice but also cut off all my urges. would it, really? maybe is has nothing to do with male hormones...
you see me trying to climb on this pole, but i'm just hiding the pain that's deep in my soul.
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