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wasp_rainbowarrior: Consumer 4; Posts: 92; Joined: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:48 am; Blog: View Blog (79)

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the fire in my eyes has burned down like coals...: Sun Dec 29, 2019 11:56 pm

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by wasp_rainbowarrior on Tue Jan 24, 2017 3:22 am

i'm getting an urge right now. i've opened a chat room and then closed it after feeling horrible about it. it is awful to have a desire that can only make you feel worse if you fulfill it. i don't think i'll try anything else today, since my disgust for the chat room was immense. i'm not getting anything done. my sleeping schedule is ruining everything. i go to sleep by sunrise and if i don't get 10 hours sleep i begin feeling very sleepy and then sleep during the day and wake up too late to practice my instrument and can't sleep until sunrise again. it sucks and i can't get out of it. and at night i basically just binge watch bad movies. i could be playing so many concertos and sonatas very well by now if i had been practicing. this is what frustrates me the most. i am so angry at myself.

you see me trying to climb on this pole, but i'm just hiding the pain that's deep in my soul.

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