by wasp_rainbowarrior on Fri Feb 24, 2017 1:23 am
now that i'm slowly coming back to reality (haven't felt any desire to have sex whatsoever since my last post) i've been thinking about my symptoms and i'm coming to the conclusion that i might have bipolar disorder with predominant depression. i believe my sex addiction manifests itself only during my depressive phases. i've been thinking about the ups and down of my emotional life, remembering times when i was so damn depressed without any happiness and really tired and sleepy, and they altenate with periods when i am ridiculously happy and productive, studying many hours a day and making lots of plans for the future. my addiction really doesn't fit in the mere addiction diagnostic because at moments like now i have no desire whatsoever to have sex even if i go to the hookup app and the guys' pictures and everything.
i talked to my mother today that i wanted to see a psychiatrist because i think i have bipolar disorder and her eyes filled with water and she didn't believe i had it and told me i don't have any symptoms and that the medicine they will gave me is bad and that she thinks i actually have hormonal problems and that i should check the lithium on my exams instead. she doesn't know anything about the little hell i experience so i'm not mad at her for invalidating me, but i told her that doing it or not is ultimately my decision. i just don't want this to become a point of conflict because i don't need this in my life in addition to everything else. i'm also reading a book from baars and terruwe that discusses the difference between sin and mental illness that i think might really help me come in terms with the conflicts between my condition and my religion. at least now i've been able to do something that goes somewhere about my addiction instead of just suffering and enduring.
you see me trying to climb on this pole, but i'm just hiding the pain that's deep in my soul.
7 Comments
Viewed 8887 times
by quietgirl2538 on Fri Feb 24, 2017 7:54 am
I have most, if not all of baars and terruwe's writings. I am curious which one you are reading. By no means do I understand everything, but I have learned that their writings have helped me in the emotional life. You are the first person I run into who has even heard of them. By the way, I am diagnosed biplar I. Your mentioning the material stuck a chord with me.
Last edited by quietgirl2538 on Fri Feb 24, 2017 7:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"
Bipolar I ADD (inattentive kind) *I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable
-
quietgirl2538
- Consumer 6
-
- Posts: 6025
- Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2013 2:23 am
- Blog: View Blog (141)
by wasp_rainbowarrior on Fri Feb 24, 2017 3:52 pm
well, at the moment i'm reading psychic wholeness and healing, which seems to be the most famous book. in my country they are very unknown and there are no books by them to buy anywhere (nor are they translated to my mother language), so i have to stick to kindle editions for sale on amazon. one of my old philosophy teachers reccomended them to me and i consider him to be my biggest living spiritual master (he is also a clergyman), so i'm reading the book and even though i just began, the way they write is really what i had hoped it was like. good to know someone that enjoys them as well, since they are so unknown! can you tell me which other books from them are worth reading?
and well, i'm looking for an appointment with a psychiatrist. i'll see what he has to say, but i really think my symptoms fit the diagnose. i'm happy that what i have might have a name and a medication.
you see me trying to climb on this pole, but i'm just hiding the pain that's deep in my soul.
-
wasp_rainbowarrior
- Consumer 4
-
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:48 am
- Blog: View Blog (79)
by quietgirl2538 on Sat Feb 25, 2017 3:00 pm
I always highly recommend 'Born Only Once'. The one I am currently reading is a more recent one called 'I will give them a new heart' Reflections on the Priesthood and the Renewal of the Church By Conrad W. Baars. If you would like I can give you their website but I can only share it through a PM. If you are interested, that is. Psychic Wholeness and Healing has an updated version (only using new terminology such as "disorder" instead of "neurosis". I agree they are virtually unknown but I have been helped tremendously by their work dscussing the emotional life. It took me 7 years from when I started seeing a psychiatrist to get diagnosed bipolar because of lack of information I was giving him (I truly didn't know any better), and also I did not look into my past for manic episodes (which I had had). Be very honest and question anything you think you might have experienced.
Last edited by quietgirl2538 on Sat Feb 25, 2017 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"
Bipolar I ADD (inattentive kind) *I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable
-
quietgirl2538
- Consumer 6
-
- Posts: 6025
- Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2013 2:23 am
- Blog: View Blog (141)
by wasp_rainbowarrior on Sun Feb 26, 2017 2:41 pm
thank you so much! i could find their website on google, so it wont be necessary that you pm me it. i'm liking them so much that i'm actually thinking about gathering a reading club with some friends. i have that updated edition, even though i might prefer the older one because basically all my past reading use psychoanalytic vocabulary, but it's also fine like it is. i think i'll write down all the stuff so i don't forget anything when i see a psychiatrist and i'll try and see 2 different psychiatrists because you probably know how different from one another they can be. i am just so happy about the mere possibility that something can be done about my mental health.
you see me trying to climb on this pole, but i'm just hiding the pain that's deep in my soul.
-
wasp_rainbowarrior
- Consumer 4
-
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:48 am
- Blog: View Blog (79)
by quietgirl2538 on Tue Feb 28, 2017 1:04 pm
You're welcome! I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. I must not have my settings where I get notifications of replies to blogs. So I didn't get this notification.
Yes, it's easy to google and find their website. There you can view what books they have and especially the new ones. There is one on sexuality called 'The Unquiet Heart' Reflections on love and sexuality by Jordan Aumann, OP and Dr. Conrad Baars. I haven't read it yet but I'd like to read about the sexuality and especially the part about love.
I have actually lent out my 'Born Only Once' book to my therapist as she was really interested in it. I mentioned several times how much it had helped me. She is my 3rd therapist and I'll stick with her especially since I've seen her for 5+ years already.
I sincerely believe in healing. Good luck!
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"
Bipolar I ADD (inattentive kind) *I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable
-
quietgirl2538
- Consumer 6
-
- Posts: 6025
- Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2013 2:23 am
- Blog: View Blog (141)
by wasp_rainbowarrior on Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:05 pm
i looked through your blog and i found it really inspiring that you had success in your treatment! i'll continue doing my readings and therapy and i hope i can also start taking control of my life. i shall take a look on that one about sexuality as well. i'm really liking the book so far. nice to know that someone else has read it and liked it, i will reccomend it to everybody.
you see me trying to climb on this pole, but i'm just hiding the pain that's deep in my soul.
-
wasp_rainbowarrior
- Consumer 4
-
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Sun Sep 08, 2013 1:48 am
- Blog: View Blog (79)
by quietgirl2538 on Wed Mar 01, 2017 10:27 pm
Just a forewarning, my blog is super duper boring. It's more of a mood diary than anything else. Thank you. I did finally get my depression taken care of. I still have my ups and downs but that comes with the illness anyway, so that's normal. It's great to finally meet someone in my life that knows Terruwe and Baars' material. Great to know you!
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"
Bipolar I ADD (inattentive kind) *I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable
-
quietgirl2538
- Consumer 6
-
- Posts: 6025
- Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2013 2:23 am
- Blog: View Blog (141)
|